12 Rules for Life?
By now, a lot of you have probably heard of Jordan B Peterson and his immensely popular self-help book ’12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos’. Here are his 12 rules, which make up the chapters of the book:
- Stand up straight with your shoulders back
- Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
- Make friends with people who want the best for you
- Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
- Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
- Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
- Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
- Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie
- Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t
- Be precise in your speech
- Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
- Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street
Some of them are great pearls of wisdom or truths that we could all benefit from following, including #’s 2, 3, 4, 7, 8 and 9. I like #’s 1, 5 and 10, but they seem more like personal preferences than universal truths. I don’t like including the word ‘perfect’ in number 6, and I’m not sure if #’s 11 and 12 are really needed. All in all, it was a worthy, but little wordy (going against rule #10) effort to define a set of rules that we should all follow. I’d be interested to know which ones you do or don’t agree with in the comments section below.
10 Qualities of Successful People
In 2004, Tom Butler-Bowden, an Australian born author based in England, released the book ’50 Success Classics: Winning Wisdom for Work & Life from 50 Landmark Books’.
As well as summarising classic books such as Sun Tzu’s ‘The Art of War’, and Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think and Get Rich’, Butler-Bowden also suggests his own list of 10 characteristics that successful people all have in the introduction to his book. Let’s see if there is any research to support his claims:
1. An optimistic outlook
In ‘Learned Optimism,’ Martin Seligman shows that having an optimistic mindset, or favourable expectations towards the future, leads to better mental and physical health. Optimistic individuals have better immune functioning and are less likely to develop depression (Carver et al., 2010). They are also more likely to persevere in tough challenges and are therefore more likely to experience psychological growth following a traumatic experience (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2009). Optimism can also reduce mortality rates over a four year (Galatzer-Levy & Bonanno, 2014) and forty year period (Brummett, Helms, Dahlstrom, & Siegler, 2006).
The good news is that an optimistic mindset can be taught and developed. A recent meta-analysis by Malouff and Schutte (2016) showed that across 29 studies, an individual’s optimism level does significantly increase with training. The most effective way to do this is with the ‘Best Possible Self’ intervention: “Imagine yourself in the future after everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded in accomplishing all the goals of your life …” – Boselie et al., 2014, p. 335
Optimism training works. However, you must keep it up as the benefits typically wane once the intervention has finished.
2. A definite aim, purpose, or vision
“The primary cause of success in life is the ability to set and achieve goals. That’s why the people who do not have goals are doomed forever to work for the people who do. You either work to achieve your own goals or work to achieve someone else’s.” — Brian Tracy
Although I like this quote, Stephen Covey provides a caveat to this when he says that there is no point exerting all of your energy climbing up a ladder that is leaning against the wrong wall. First, we must determine where it is that we would like to climb.
“The key to prospering and adapting in the coming decades amidst an ever-escalating rate of change is to first be clear about and resolutely dedicated to what you stand for and why that should never change. You must then be just as resolutely willing to change absolutely everything else.” — J.W. Marriott Jr.
Successful people are clear on what their values are and what they stand for before taking purposeful action. Values clarification and committed action are two of the six essential components of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, with the other four elements focused on teaching clients mindfulness skills. According to the American Psychological Association, ACT has strong research support for chronic pain, and modest research support for depression, anxiety, OCD and psychosis.
An interesting study by Chase et al. (2013) found that goal setting alone had no effect on students grade point averages (GPAs) across a semester. However, it did when training in values clarification was provided alongside the goal setting. The clarifying of values before setting goals also significantly reduced the drop out rate of these students the following semester (Chase et al., 2013).
3. A willingness to work hard and persevere
“There is absolutely no limit to what plain, ordinary people can accomplish if they’re given the opportunity and the encouragement and the incentive to do their best. It takes risk, hard work, knowing where you want to go and being willing to do what it takes to get there.” — Sam Walton
Professor Angela Duckworth studied the students at West Point Military Academy over some years and tried to determine which ones made it through to graduation. She was aware that each cadet admitted to West Point was intelligent, physically fit and had excellent grades and test scores. She was also cognizant that nearly 6% of the cadets dropped out during the first seven weeks (Beast Barracks training), and one-fifth dropped out before graduation.
Eventually, Duckworth identified two qualities that were more predictive than anything else for determining which students made it to the end: 1. passion and 2. perseverance. Together, they make up a quality known as grit. People who score high in grit are much more likely to put in the effort required, do whatever it takes and persist until they succeed. She has since found that grit is a great predictor of success in other areas too.
“Often we are caught in a mental trap of seeing enormously successful people and thinking they are where they are because they have some special gift. Yet a closer look shows that the greatest gift that extraordinarily successful people have over the average person is their ability to get themselves to take action.” — Anthony Robbins
4. Discipline to consistently work until goals are achieved
“Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage… Genuine success requires both courage and character – patience, discipline and rationality.” — Claude Bristol
Duckworth and colleagues (2010) have also researched self-discipline, and show that this needs to be sustained for long-term goal commitment and implementation. Without this self-discipline, adolescents struggle to set long-term goals and strive towards them.
Fortunately, it can be improved using two strategies:
- Mental contrasting – elaborate upon a future that you desire with the relevant obstacles that you currently face.
- Implementation intentions – identify the action that you will take when an opportunity arises that is relevant to your goal.
In comparison to a control writing exercise, eleventh-grade students who spent 30-minutes writing on the above two strategies completed over 60% more practice questions in preparation for a high-stakes exam. This indicated a higher level of self-discipline in the pursuit of a meaningful goal (Duckworth et al., 2010), which over time could result in higher knowledge, deeper understanding, and better results and grades.
“The first step on the road to success is good character. The second is openness to new perspectives. The third is ensuring that daily action is shaped by higher aims, with the knowledge that you always reap what you sow.” — Stephen Covey
5. An integrated mind utilising both logic and intuition
In his excellent book “Thinking, Fast and Slow” Daniel Kahneman talks about our two systems of interpreting the world.
The first one, appropriately named ‘system one’ is perceived quickly, is instinctual and is generally our emotional reaction, or our intuition. ‘System two’ takes more effort and time to access but is also more rational and logical.
As Kahneman shows in his research, people typically use heuristics when making decisions or judgments, which are generally adequate but not optimal solutions to severe problems. This uses our first system and helps us to conserve brain power, but it is only accurate about 80% of the time.
Successful people are able to utilise both system one and system two. If the decision has minimal long-term consequences, such as what to have for dinner, system one is excellent. If the decision has potentially significant implications, however, such as whether or not to buy a house or change jobs, the more energy depleting and more accurate system two going to be better, even if it takes more time to come up with the right answer for you.
“Stroll through the open spaces of time to the center of opportunity. Wise hesitation ripens success and brings secrets to maturity. The crutch of time can do more than the steely club of Hercules.. Fortune gives large rewards to those who wait.” — Baltasar Gracian
6. Prolific reading
Reading fiction has been shown to be great for developing empathy towards others as it really does provide an opportunity to see inside the characters head and experience their internal world in a way that you often don’t get in movies or TV shows. It’s helpful for developing imagination, as the brain works to create the visual images that it reads in words on the page. 30 minutes of reading has also been shown to significantly reduce acute stress as indicated by lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure and lowered heart rate (Rizzolo, Zipp, Stiskal & Simpkins, 2009).
I love reading non-fiction because of how much I can learn from the experts in psychology and related fields for such a low cost. If I were to see them give a talk or book a one-on-one consult, I might be paying up to a $1000, and it would only be scratching the surface of all of the fantastic knowledge that they have accumulated in their lives. That is if I could even get a chance to see them. A book in comparison is $30 or less and contains the majority of their pearls of wisdom in one place. Sure, some books can take a while to get through. However, the value for money and knowledge gained is definitely worth it.
“The movers and the shakers of the world are often professional modelers – people who have mastered the art of learning everything they can by following other people’s experiences rather than their own.” — Anthony Robbins
7. The willingness to take risks
There is a big difference between always engaging in risky behaviour, and being willing to take risks when it is the sound decision to make. Someone like Sir Richard Branson has taken many chances with his Virgin empire, and if it weren’t for these risks, then he wouldn’t have been able to expand and grow at the level that he has. For optimal success, some degree of risk does need to be taken.
“People that don’t risk anything will inevitably find themselves behind those that do. You can lead a change or it can lead you.” — J.W. Marriott Jr.
However, recent research looking at female and male CEOs supports the notion that too much risk isn’t a good thing either. Faccio, Marchica and Mura (2016) found that firms run by male CEOs tend to make riskier decisions, with generally higher leverage and more volatile earnings than firms run by female CEOs. They are also less likely to remain in operation in comparison to firms run by female CEOs (Faccio et al., 2016). More significant risks may lead to higher growth, but also a higher risk of overall collapse.
8. Understanding the power of expectation
Successful people think big instead of small, and believe that they can achieve anything they set their mind to, even if it takes more effort, setbacks and time than they initially envisioned. If thinking big is combined with grit, a growth mindset, and the right timing, look out. There’s no saying how much someone could achieve.
“When our attitude toward ourselves is big, and our attitude towards others is generous and merciful, we attract big and generous portions of success.” –Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone
Research indicates that individuals who believe that they can improve are more likely to actually grow (Bergsma, 2008). Higher expectations have been shown to strengthen hope, increase determination and goal completion (Geraghty, Wood, & Hyland, 2010). Higher expectations of outcome can also improve distress tolerance (Williams, Thompson, & Andrews, 2013).
9. Developing mastery in what is most important to them
“The world does not dictate what you shall do, but it does require that you be a master in whatever you undertake.” — Orison Swett Marden
While it may be tempting to try to learn as many different things as possible, the saying “jack of all trades; master of none” often becomes the consequence for people that try to take on too many different projects or career paths all at once.
Warren Buffett has been quoted as once saying to his pilot that he should write down the top 25 things that he wanted to do in life, then circle his top 5 priorities, and finally label items 6-25 as “avoid at all costs” until items 1-5 were completed.
The reason for this is that to reach full mastery can take a long time. Up to 10,000 hours of deliberate practice in many cases, as proposed by Malcolm Gladwell and Anders Ericsson. This equates to nearly 7 hours a day of deliberate practice, every day, for four straight years. If we take these numbers seriously, it makes sense to not spread yourself too thin, unless you don’t want to develop mastery in anything.
“I believe the true road to pre-eminent success in any line is to make yourself master of that line. I have no faith in the policy of scattering one’s resources.” –Andrew Carnegie
10. Well-roundedness and balance
Developing proficiency and accumulating achievements in one area of your life isn’t going to mean much if you are not also a success as a person.
“No kind action is ever lost. You will be indebted to these trifles for some of the happiest attentions and the most pleasing incidents of (your) life.” — Andrew Carnegie
After watching ‘The Founder’ movie based on the life of Ray Kroc, I was appalled by how willing he was to trample on anyone in his way throughout the pursuit of wealth and power without a second thought. This included ignoring his first wife, poaching the wife of another business associate, not keeping his word, and screwing the initial founders of McDonald’s for millions of dollars annually.
“Systematic giving is a powerful practice that blesses every phase of our lives, as it keeps us attuned to the wealth of the universe.” — Catherine Ponder
Ray Kroc was a workaholic, with his famous catchphrase “if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean” still repeated throughout McDonald’s franchises worldwide.
“Without time for recovery, our lives become a blur of doing unbalanced by much opportunity for being.” — Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz
If no time is dedicated to personal growth, spiritual growth, health, relaxation, leisure, relationships and community, it becomes difficult to have the well-being, vitality, meaning and support required to achieve ongoing success.
My two cents
Remember, relationship warmth is the number one predictor of long-term health and happiness, not how much money you have in the bank, or how hard you have worked.
Focus on building genuine connection and a sense of belonging with others who embrace you for who you are. Don’t let old friendships go by if they give you these things.
“Various scientific studies have proven that if you learn how to deal with other people, you will have gone about 85% of the way down the road to success in any business, occupation, or profession, and about 99% of the way down the road to personal happiness.” -– Les Giblin
Try to be kind, compassionate, patient and accepting. To others, but mainly to yourself. No one is perfect, and we all fall into the same traps time and time again. If you can learn from these mistakes, you will improve and grow.
Lastly, try to accumulate positive experiences, not things. Materialism and consumerism are empty pursuits, void of meaning and purpose. Doing fun, new or helpful things alongside the people you love never is.
Dr Damon Ashworth