Feel the fear, and do it anyway

I’ve been thinking for a while about what would be the best way to start a psychology-related blog. I have some great ideas for blog series that I would like to do, but none of them seemed fitting for an introduction to the site.

Then I realised what was happening.

I was letting perfection get in the way of production and procrastinating. FEAR was holding me back.

Dr Russ Harris speaks about FEAR as an acronym for things that can keep us stuck and prevent us from making the changes that we would like to make in our life:

F — fusion with unhelpful thoughts — An example of this is “that’s not the best way to start a psychology blog — keep brainstorming until the perfect idea or solution presents itself!” By allowing myself to believe what my mind said, I kept putting off what I wanted to do. I want to share some of the things that I have learnt and found helpful through my eight years of University study and hundreds of psychological books and journal articles that I have read.

E — unrealistic expectations — If I have never written a blog before, how can I know what style is the right way to express what I have to say? I can’t. We learn through trial and error and experience. Sometimes I’m sure that I will write a piece and be happy with it, but other times this won’t be the case. Some articles may get good feedback, and some may not. All I can do is give it a go, reflect upon it afterwards, get input from others, and make changes as required until I find the right voice for myself and my potential audience. What’s more important is that I enjoy the process of clarifying my thoughts and share them with whoever is interested in a way that they can hopefully understand. I believe Hemingway said that the first draft of anything is shit. If a literary great didn’t expect to produce a fantastic story the first time he wrote it, is it realistic for me to hope for more?

A — avoidance of discomfort — Does putting my thoughts into writing pose any real threat to me? No. It can help me clarify my ideas further and assist the clients that I see by getting my points across more concisely. Will putting my writing out there expose me to judgment and potential ridicule from others? Possibly. Does staying in my comfort zone and doing what feels safe or secure lead to me living a happy, fulfilled life? No. Quite the opposite. It, therefore, becomes a choice between discomfort and growth or comfort and stagnation. Whether it is worth it or not is up to the individual and depends on the situation and how they feel about it.

R — remoteness from values — Values are guiding principles for life. If we persist through discomfort in pursuing a goal, we need to get in touch with what is really important to us or what we care about deep down. For me, writing a blog is about helping people be informed about psychological theories and empowered with strategies that can make a difference in their lives. There is so much conflicting information about what can help. Sharing what rigorous scientific studies have found in collaboration with my own personal experience will hopefully be useful for anyone who chooses to read it. It will also give any potential clients an idea about my approaches towards my life and work and help them decide if I am the right clinical psychologist. It is much easier for me to persist in writing this blog and the following articles by connecting with these values.

With that in mind, what do you fear, and what holds you back from making the changes you would like to make? Is it any of the four things mentioned above? If so, can you challenge or detach from those thoughts, set more realistic expectations for yourself, get in touch with your most important values, and persist with the discomfort in pursuit of the type of life you would like to lead? Maybe not straight away, but hopefully with practice, reflection, feedback and support from others.

The first self-help book I ever read was ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ by Susan Jeffers. It transformed my life to think that I didn’t need to stop feeling scared before doing something. Even though anxiety often feels like it is a life-or-death situation, especially when it comes to social anxiety, it never typically is. So now, I embrace whatever awkwardness I can and challenge myself wherever possible. Through a process called habituation, it actually does get more comfortable in time.

For any anxiety-based psychological treatment, exposure to the feared stimulus will be recommended at some point in the treatment and is a crucial component to the most successful outcomes. But it is also important to start slowly and begin with tasks that feel a bit challenging and scary, and then slowly work your way up to more challenging and scary tasks once your confidence has built up.

If you want to try this on your own:

1. Develop a list of tasks that you are afraid to do, but they would not actually harm you if you were to do them.

2. Rank these from least scary or challenging to most scary or challenging.

3. Starting with the least scary first, set a goal for yourself to tackle the task and be as specific as possible with date, time, location and duration.

4. Attempt the task, and if possible, remain in the situation until the anxiety has subsided (usually about 10 minutes).

5. If you cannot complete the task, try something more manageable that brings a little fear or discomfort but not too much, and gain confidence with this before reattempting the initial task.

6. Repeat until habituation has taken place and you feel more confident and less anxious doing that task.

7. Move on to the next most scary or challenging task on the list.

Doing it step-wise would take a long time, but as long as you progress, you learn the skills to challenge any fears that come your way.

Remember, feel the fear, and do it anyway (unless it really is too dangerous and unsafe)!

Dr Damon Ashworth

Clinical Psychologist