If you look at the above findings from the seventh wave of the World Values Survey, neither Australia nor the USA is the most traditional or secular of all the countries surveyed. The USA is about as close to the middle as possible, showing a slight preference for Secular Values over Traditional Values (about 0.10 standard deviations above the average). Australia is more secular than both the USA and the world average.
Neither are Australia nor the USA the highest in terms of Self-Expression or Survival Values. The USA is just under 1.5 standard deviations higher than the world average regarding a preference for Self-Expression Values. Australia also prefers Self-Expression over Survival Values and is about 2.35 standard deviations higher than the average, which definitely puts them in the top 2.5% of all countries regarding endorsing these values.
Traditional vs. Secular Values
For the Y-axis, more traditional countries value the importance of family, religion and deferring to and being respectful of authority. Therefore, they tend to be more rejecting towards divorce, abortion, and euthanasia. Countries that are more secular place less emphasis on traditional family values, religion and authority. Divorce, abortion and euthanasia are more acceptable there than in countries that have traditional values.
Australia’s score of approximately 0.55 on the Y-axis means that it is half a standard deviation more secular than traditional. It is more secular than the UK and much more secular than many countries in the Middle East, Africa and Latin America. The country with the most Traditional Values is Qatar, but Ghana, Tanzania, Nicaragua, Ecuador, Trinidad and many others are also quite traditional.
Australia is more traditional than all Scandinavian countries, some Catholic European countries (especially the Czech Republic), and nearly all Confucian countries. In fact, Japan and South Korea are two of the highest-ranked countries globally in terms of Secular Values and are both less traditional than any country in Europe. I was quite surprised by this finding, as my Sociology lecturers at university often used Asian countries (including Japan) as the example of collectivist cultures. People in collectivist cultures are meant to put the goals and needs of the group, including what the authorities and their family say, over their individual needs and desires. Yet, their findings on the traditional — secular continuum do not seem to indicate that.
Survival vs. Self-Expression Values
This is where the findings on the X-axis are also important. Countries that endorse Survival Values prioritise physical and economic security over self-expression. As a result, they are less trusting and tolerant of outsiders or people that don’t fit in with what the average person is meant to be or do.
Countries that endorse Self-Expression Values, on the other hand, prioritise environmental protection and want greater participation in the decision-making of political and economic life. They also exhibit greater acceptance of differences and equality for anyone who has previously been discriminated against, whether based on country of origin, sexuality or gender.
People from South Korea endorse Survival Values more than Self-Expression Values (approximately -0.50). Australia’s larger preference towards Self-Expression Values (about 2.35) in comparison to Asian countries might also help to explain why Asian countries were referred to in my Sociology lectures as examples of collectivist cultures. However, other countries, especially Egypt and Zimbabwe in Africa, endorse Security Values more than all Asian countries. Both Vietnam and Japan also show a decent preference for Self-Expression over Security Values. Perhaps my university Sociology professors were being influenced by inaccurate stereotypes or not using the best examples.
Based on their answers to the World Values Survey and their positions on the above map, the average Australian is more likely to be happy, accept homosexuality, sign a petition and trust others than the average Japanese person or individual from the USA. Furthermore, the average American or Japanese person is more likely to endorse these four characteristics than the average South Korean, who is again more likely than the average Egyptian. However, the average individual from all of these countries is less likely to endorse Self-Expression Values than the average Swede or Norwegian. These countries are the top two in the world, just ahead of Iceland, Denmark and New Zealand.
Which Areas of Life are Most Important?
As I am a dual citizen of Australia and the USA, I will include each country’s results on the following questions to the countries that most and least endorsed each item as very important. I doubt that many people will find these results as interesting as I do, but here are six areas of life that people are asked about in terms of how important it is to them:
1. How important is your family in your life?
The country with the highest percentage of people who endorse family as very important: Egypt = 99.7%
USA = 91.0%
Australia = 90.2%
The country with the lowest percentage of respondents who endorse family as very important: Nicaragua = 77.8%
2. How important are friends in your life?
The country with the highest percentage of people who endorse friends as very important: Serbia = 62.6%
Australia = 52.4%
USA = 50.7%
The country with the lowest percentage of respondents who endorse friends as very important: Myanmar = 11.8%
3. How important is leisure time in your life?
The country with the highest percentage of people who endorse leisure time as very important: Nigeria = 67.5%
Australia = 42.8%
USA = 39.5%
The country with the lowest percentage of respondents who endorse leisure time as very important: Vietnam = 12.8%
4. How important is politics in your life?
The country with the highest percentage of people who endorse politics as very important: Nigeria = 34.8%
USA = 14.9%
Australia = 10.3%
The country with the lowest percentage of respondents who endorse politics as very important: Serbia = 4.4%
5. How important is work in your life?
The country with the highest percentage of people who endorse work as very important: Indonesia = 92.9%
USA = 39.4%
Australia = 33.1%
The country with the lowest percentage of respondents who endorse work as very important: New Zealand = 29.1%
6. How important is religion in your life?
The country with the highest percentage of people who endorse religion as very important: Indonesia = 98.1%
USA = 37.1%
Australia = 13.8%
The country with the lowest percentage of respondents who endorse religion as very important: China = 3.3%
Neither Australia nor the USA is the highest or lowest country regarding endorsing any of the six categories as very important in their life. It’s interesting and nice to see that family, friends and leisure time are all endorsed as very important in life to a higher degree in both the USA and Australia than work, religion and politics. I wonder if everyone lives their lives in line with what values they say are most important to them.
The Oura ring that I use to track my health gives me three primary scores every day. When I wake up, I receive a readiness score, a sleep score and an activity level score from the day before. All of these are out of 100, with the higher daily score perceived as better.
To achieve a high score on my activity level, I need to move every hour during the day, not spend too much time being sedentary and complete my daily energy expenditure goal. For example, on a recent day where I exceeded the 600 calorie goal from exercise, I managed to burn 628 calories by walking 9,015 steps or 9.1km.
As a clinical psychologist working in private practice, I would often see 7 or 8 people for 50–60 minutes each, five days a week. There was essentially no break in between clients except for maybe a lunch break in the middle of the day. Which meant that there was little chance of meeting my daily expenditure goal unless I did at least 90 minutes of walking either before or after work.
Add in the time needed to get to work and back home, plus marketing and consulting with doctors or referrers. Then treatment planning, further reading, and writing of case notes, reports and letters. It sure doesn’t leave much time or energy for the exercise I want to do. Let alone quality relationships, housework, hobbies, self-care, and sleep outside of my work responsibilities.
An Unhealthy Trap?
“If you weren’t loved for who you were, then what you are going to do is work to make yourself loveable. And the way you make yourself loveable is to be of service to everybody else and not have any needs yourself”
As a clinical psychologist, I have tested myself on many validated surveys. One that I particularly like is the Young Schema Questionnaire. It helps people determine which of the 18 maladaptive life traps or schemas they fall into most. Some of my top schemas from 2018 were: Self-sacrifice (1st), emotional deprivation (2nd), subjugation (4th) and approval-seeking (6th).
With these schemas, the predominant traps that I can fall into are sacrificing my needs for others and choosing relationships where others can’t meet my emotional needs. I can also pretend that I don’t have any requirements and try to be what others want me to be rather than who I am.
All of these qualities help me to be a good therapist. I can tune into what others want and need, put these things first regardless of what I want to talk about, disregard my own needs and be what others want me to be.
But what are the personal consequences for me?
Seeing too many clients in a week can make me emotionally drained, physically less healthy than I want to be and chronically fatigued. It can result in me cooking less for myself than I would like to. I instead resort to fast food on these nights because it is convenient and more manageable. My brain also tells me that I deserve to treat myself. So I spend more time sitting on the couch and watching TV or scrolling on the phone than I want to. I can’t be bothered being as creative or as expressive as I would like to be. And I isolate myself too much, choosing to take a break from the world instead of connecting with others in ways that I would like to.
What do I need?
Equal relationships. I need to put my needs at the same level as others. I need to choose friendships and partners that are as aware of my feelings and desires as they are of their own. I need them to be as encouraging towards me meeting my needs as we are towards meeting theirs. I need to be authentic and not be punished for this, even if it is different from what is traditional for society or what they want. I need to be aware of what I want and not feel ashamed of doing these activities or getting these needs met.
While this sounds nice and healthy, a therapeutic relationship is ideally not equal. The role is to be there for the other person to help them meet their needs, understand themselves and become the person they want to be. Yes, boundaries are essential to set and enforce, but for the long term benefit of the client, not for me.
Maybe I can look at a therapeutic relationship as equal in some way. It is at least transactionally. Nobody is forcing me to take on the role of therapist. I am choosing to do it. They are paying for a service, and I am being compensated financially for it. I enjoy helping others improve if they want to. I am also trying to be authentic as a person in my role as a therapist. However, the aim is to help meet the client’s emotional needs and improve their psychological well-being, not my own.
A supervisor of mine once said, “a needy psychologist is a dangerous psychologist”. Therefore psychologists who try to get any of their needs met with clients are stepping away from their proper role. Furthermore, they can harm the other person if they are not careful.
Yes, I can learn things along the way. I can also make genuine connections with the people that I see. However, it must be about what is best for the client, not myself as the therapist.
As long as I can ensure that my life outside of my job meets my needs, being a therapist is not a problem. However, I must achieve a healthy balance between helping others at work while having enough time and energy to help myself in the ways that I want in my life outside of it.
Is it possible to find a healthy balance?
To not be exhausted from my work as a therapist, seeing five clients has to be the maximum on any given day. However, I’m not too sure if this maximum would be achievable five days per week either. Two to four days per week seems much more desirable if a healthy balance is an overall goal.
During the pandemic lockdowns in Melbourne in 2020, I was working a lot more than that. One week, I did 39 hours of sessions with clients, or five straight days of nearly eight clients per day. On one day, I also saw ten clients without a lunch break. As all of the sessions were via Telehealth, I’m unsure if I even stood up out of my chair. Although I had the capacity to do this, it sure doesn’t mean that it was healthy for me.
“If you don’t know how to say no, your body will say it for you through physical illnesses”
On January 2nd, 2021, I suffered a stroke in my left cerebellum. I nearly died and was in a coma for a few weeks. After brain surgery and having part of my brain removed, the long road to recovery began.
I am luckily doing quite well now, only six months later. My personality and cognitive functions are essentially the same as what they were before the stroke. My balance and coordination have improved, but I will never get back to playing sport at the level I did before the stroke.
Fortunately, I have a second chance at life. I could rush back to how I did things before. However, I want to live in a way that is positive for me and my health. I want to enjoy my life and the relationships that I have with others outside of my work.
I want to continue helping others meet their needs and express their feelings through their therapy. I don’t want to be a different psychologist from how I have been or care less about the people I see and talk with. However, I do not want to do this at the expense of my vitality and longevity.
I hope that I can find the balance that means that I can keep living this incredible life in a way that is enjoyable, nourishing and sustainable for me.
Imagine that you could go on a holiday to anywhere that you wanted to go in the world. However, you couldn’t take any pictures or tell anyone what you got up to while you were away or afterwards?
Furthermore, you can only experience the holiday while you are away and feel all the emotions that you do in the present. Once the holiday is over, you will have no memory of where you went or what it was like.
Where would you go, and what would you do?
Next, imagine that the trip has no limitations. It is just like any other holiday that you have been on, except you have no budget. You can take as many photos and videos as your heart desires and look back on these as much as you want.
You can tell whoever you want to, both during the trip and for the rest of your life afterwards. You can also think back and reminisce about the trip and your memories of it as much as you would like to in the future.
Where would you go and what would you do?
Would your dream holiday be the same in the first situation as it is in the second scenario? If so, do you know why? If not, why?
For the first example, I want something fun, easy, pleasurable and relaxing. I want a resort with a pool and a spa, tasty food, 27-degree sunny weather, a cozy bed and a comfortable recliner. The resort would have a nice view, maybe of the ocean, or the mountainside. If other people came, they would have to be okay relaxing and occasionally chatting or playing a game too. All cleaning and washing and any chores would all be done for me. And I could enjoy each moment as much as possible without any sign of difficulty or personal strain.
For the second example, now a hike to the Himalayas or Macchu Picchu seems more appealing. More movement, more effort, some beautiful scenery and remarkable experiences. Having a few celebrities that come on the trek too is suddenly more enticing, because now I can take some snaps with them and share this with friends or on my social media. Alongside all of the effort that I put into the trip and the natural beauty of the place. Flying first class may even be worth it if I can take some videos and photos to show off to everyone else.
Experiential vs Narrative Self
If I’m not going to remember the holiday or talk to others about how it was, why would I bother splashing out on heaps of money or putting in a lot of effort or even hanging out with celebrities? Comfort, ease, and enjoyment become the highest priorities. The things that make for a good story, memory or Instagram post become less so.
This is one of the biggest dilemmas that we all have inside of us.
We have the part of ourselves that wants to enjoy the moment as much as possible. This is the experiential self. It usually wants to do an activity that requires the least amount of effort and is enjoyable in the short term. This is often why people procrastinate, play video games, lie on the couch, watch TV or a movie, eat junk food, etc. To this part of ourselves, it doesn’t matter if the activity is helpful or beneficial to us in the long-run as long as it feels good in the moment.
Want to do
Have to do
Want to do
Have to do
Enjoy in the short-term
Find beneficial in the long-run
But we also have the part of ourselves that cares about the stories that we tell about our livesto ourselves and others.This is the narrative self. It wants to do activities that are challenging, meaningful and worthwhile in the long-run. Doing housework, working hard, eating healthily, exercising consistently, and child-rearing may not always be fun from moment to moment. However, they help us become what we want to tell ourselves and others that we are over time. House proud, successful, fit, healthy, and a good parent. To this part of ourselves, it cares much less about how enjoyable something is in the moment as long as it helps us to tell the story about who we are and what we have done.
Want to do
Have to do
Want to do
Have to do
Enjoy in the short-term
Find beneficial in the long-run
Because these two parts of ourself seem so different, it can be quite hard to keep them both happy.
Several clients I have seen prioritise the experiential self over the narrative self. They spend most of their day doing enjoyable things at the expense of anything perceived as challenging or uncomfortable. Their experiential self is satisfied but their narrative self is not. Over time, they are likely to become more and more dissatisfied with where they are in their life, or the story that they tell.
The opposite can also happen but is seen less frequently. For these individuals, they work all the time, never eat any junk food or let themselves relax and have fun. Instead, they clean all the time, put the kids first nonstop, exercise excessively, and never give themselves a break. Their narrative self can view themselves in a positive light and share this with others, but their experiential self is miserable.
Want to do vs Have to do
To see if you could obtain a better balance in your life, ask yourself some of the following questions:
What are the things that you have to do in this life?
Which of these chores/responsibilities do you enjoy doing in the short-term while you are doing them?
Which of these chores/responsibilities can you look back at once they are finished and feel glad that you have completed them?
Do any of these chores/responsibilities tick both boxes and are fun in the moment and consistent with who you want to be in the long-run? Can you do more of these and less of other chores and responsibilities that don’t tick these boxes?
Are there any chores/responsibilities that are not enjoyable and don’t help you to feel like you are being the person you want to be in the long-run? In other words, is there anything that you only do because you worry what others would think if you don’t do them? Can you do less of these chores and responsibilities in your life by not doing them as much? Could you pay someone else to do them, or negotiate with someone that you live with to do these tasks more in exchange for you doing more of others chores and responsibilities that you enjoy and maybe they don’t?
What are the things that you want to do in your life?
Which of these activities do you also enjoy doing in the moment while you are doing them? Are you doing these things as often as you would like to? Or are you doing them too much for what feels like a good balance? Or too little?
Which of these activities do you not enjoy while you are doing them, but you can look back at them once they are finished and feel glad that you have done them? Are you doing these things in your life as often as you would like to?
Which of these activities do you find both enjoyable in the moment and consistent with the person that you would like to be in the long-run? Do you schedule enough time in your life for these sweet-spot activities?
How balanced does your life feel between your want-to-dos and your have-to-dos?
If your have-to-do responsibilities far outweigh your want-to-do activities, you are unlikely to be as happy and as satisfied with your life as you would like to be.
This is likely to be the same if you are doing a lot of things only because you worry about what others would think if you didn’t do them. If you hate cleaning and ironing and you can afford to pay someone to do these tasks for you weekly so that you don’t have to worry about them, what difference could that make towards how you feel? Furthermore, what could you do that you might find more rewarding with the newfound time, energy and mental space that you would have?
If you are lucky enough to have at least one sweet spot activity, you will find these tasks the easiest for you to put your energy into and get better at over time.
Sometimes people call these activities their passions and they will be the easiest activities for you to persevere at for a long time. This can be how I feel editing movies or playing sport or snow-skiing. I enjoy myself, am no longer in my head and I am fully immersed in the task. Before I know it, a long time has passed and it is lunchtime or the end of the day.
I’m sure that you have heard the famous quote: “Find something you love to do, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” If anything helps you to feel this way, or get into a state of flow on a regular basis, you won’t regret making it a priority in your life.
It’s quite strange. Yesterday, I managed to finish off the last thing on my to-do list for the week. For the first time in a long time, I had nothing that I had to do. Sure, there are some things that I would like to do in the future. However, nothing required me to take any steps towards them until Friday next week. This is definitely the first time that this has been the case in 2021. I’m not even sure if I reached this point at all in 2020.
I feel lighter to have all of these items gone. They are no longer hanging over my head or telling me that I shouldn’t be relaxing when I am. But I also feel a bit lost. Today, I have already done my morning meditation, journaling, Elevate brain training and Duolingo French language training. I then did my daily weight training, hips and balance exercises, followed by going outside and walking 10,000 steps. I shopped for the food I needed at the local supermarket, meal prepped for the next few days, and cleaned up my place.
I then tried to relax and watch some TV and a movie, but both of these activities already feel boring. One of my friend’s said that he had clocked Netflix because of this pandemic. I haven’t, but the returns of these activities are definitely diminishing.
My brain told me that I would feel amazing no longer having anything that I need to do. But I do not. So now, having just eaten half a salad and a tasty Magnum ice-cream, I find myself here at the computer putting down my thoughts into words.
Goals vs Values
Exactly how I feel now is why I tell my clients not just to live their lives by their goals. Sure, having things to aim for is great. So is hitting these targets and crossing these items off our to-do lists. It gives us a nice little surge of dopamine and fires up the reward pathways in our brain when we achieve something. And our brains feel good for a temporary moment until we start searching for the next target to hit.
But it is never-ending, and generally always future-focused. We think, once I have achieved this, then I will be happy. But then we meet this goal, and our brain says “great… what’s next?” We begin looking again to the future for the imaginary thing that will make us happy and satisfied forever once we achieve it.
Unfortunately, the long-term rewards of this future goal are mostly a mirage. Our brains telling us that it will satisfy us forever helps us not give up pursuing the goal. However, once we have achieved it, the reward is fleeting and less satisfying than we imagined beforehand. This is because dopamine is more about desire than reward.
Imagine if we were forever satisfied after achieving a goal. I doubt that our ancestors would have lasted long enough to reproduce. A slightly unsatisfied person, always craving for more and an ideal future that never comes. Those humans are the ones that will keep moving, growing, meeting and breeding. And now, here we are…
Enjoying the Process vs Desiring a Future Outcome
Like I have already said, a goal is set for the future. You want to lose weight, buy a house, run a marathon, or climb Mount Everest. As an extension of this, you are saying that you lack something in the present when you set a goal. You are heavier than you want to be. You don’t have the house that you want to be in. You haven’t run the marathon this year, and you are yet to climb the tallest mountain in the world.
Values are different to goals. Values are followed in the present. They are guiding principles for life. You are either living by them at the moment, or you are not.
By clarifying why you want to achieve your specific goals, you can determine if you are living by these values in the present or not. Let’s take the first example. You might want to lose weight because you value looking attractive, but I want to lose weight because I value being healthy. I have lost weight through not eating much, not exercising and taking diet pills. The goal has been achieved, and if it was you, you might even be living by your values. But I am not. Deep down, I would know that I am not healthy, and even if I have lost some weight, I would feel inconsistent rather than consistent with what is most important to me.
You might want to climb Mount Everest because your husband is too and you value doing things together, whereas I am training for it because I value pushing myself to reach my potential. We both head off on the expedition, and we aren’t able to climb beyond base camp because our guide says that the weather is too bad for the next few weeks. Because I am unable to live by my value, I feel disappointed and unhappy. Because you are still consistent with yours, you are happy and don’t mind getting to enjoy your downtime in Nepal with the love of your life.
What Do You Want Your Legacy to Be?
This question needs to be asked more often, in my opinion. I’m not too sure how many people could answer this clearly and succinctly. But if we aren’t clear on what principles or values are most important to us, how are we meant to decide if we are on the right path or not? How will we know if what we are doing is time well spent or just a waste of time?
Epitaph On Your Gravestone
Imagine that you have lived your whole life and have recently died. Someone who is really close to you has decided to bury you and they are deciding what will be written on your gravestone. What would you want them to write?
If you aren’t too sure what you would want your legacy to be about, this question can often help. Even though I would prefer to be cremated instead of buried, the main thought that pops into my head when I think of this exercise is:
“Here lies Damon…He tried his best”
Maybe that is cliched or lame, but it highlights that a core value in my life is around effort. I care much less about how much I manage to achieve in my life. I want to know that I gave things a proper go and put in the effort required. That I focused on the process of what I am doing, which is within my control, rather than the outcome, which is often outside of it.
Your 80th Birthday Party
If thinking about after your own death is too morbid an exercise for you, this thought experiment may be more appealing. Imagine that it is your 80th birthday party, and all of your closest family and friend’s are there to celebrate the life you have had so far. Someone close to you stands up and tells everyone in the crowd about the person that you have been from now until your 80th birthday. What would you want to hear them say about you? I’d love to hear my partner’s daughter stand up and say:
“Even though I wasn’t convinced about Damon initially, he’s turned out to be a pretty cool role model as a father figure for me. He’s consistently been there for me and tried his best to be emotionally supportive and understanding of me and what I was going through. Damon’s always wanted the best for me in life, and I could feel this. But he also didn’t care if I won things or where I came as long as I was willing to try and give new things a go. Damon was always willing to do things for me and be there when I needed him to help or listen. But he also didn’t do things for me if he knew that it would be better for me to give something a go and learn how to do it myself. Damon encouraged me to explore the world and not be held back by fear. He also offered a safe space with mum to come back to when I needed comfort, care and support. I’m glad that Damon came into my life, and I am happy about the person I am today partly because of the role that he has played. Above all, I feel loved for who I am by Damon, no matter what, and that is a pretty cool thing to have. So thank you, and happy 80th birthday!”
Your answer to this question should help you clarify what values are most important to you or what you would like your legacy to be about. Based on the above passage, I want to be a good role model as a father, present, supportive, understanding, encouraging, helpful, loving and unconditional. Many people think of their legacy in terms of work, but is that really what you value most in this life?
Are You Travelling in the Right Direction?
In her excellent post and subsequent book, Bronnie Ware shared her top five regrets of people who were dying. Having worked as a palliative care nurse for a number of years, Bronnie identified them as:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This list highlights that before I had my stroke in January, my life was imbalanced. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was separated from my partner and her daughter back in Vanuatu on March 20th, 2020. I could not see any of my friends or colleagues back there and did not say a proper goodbye to them. Thanks to the months of lockdowns in Melbourne, I could not do a lot of the things I enjoyed or see my friends and family here in Australia that I wanted to either. I was working too much for too long each day, spending too much time on my phone and watching TV, and I wasn’t eating as healthily or being as active as I wanted to be.
What about you?
How Much of the Day Are You Spending in the Way that You Want?
For this exercise, draw a pie chart of what a typical workday looks like for you and another piechart for what a typical day off looks like. It doesn’t matter what time you go to bed or get out of bed or start and finish work, because the whole pie represents 24 hours.
When you are drawing your two pie charts, think about:
How much time are you just in the moment vs trying to do things for a better future?
How much are you socialising and connecting with others, including family and friends?
How much time are you spending inside vs outside in nature?
How much are you dedicating towards being physically fit or exercising?
How much time are you resting, sleeping and relaxing?
How much are you dedicating towards doing creative or fun vs passive hobbies?
How much time are you working and doing tasks related to work?
Above is an example pie chart that I drew up in less than five minutes, so it really doesn’t have to take a long time. For some people, their workdays and non-workdays are very similar. For others, their weekend’s are spent very differently. There are no right or wrong answers. The key is to draw down what is typical for you.
Now that these pie charts have been drawn up, reflect and ask yourself:
Are there things that you would like to do more of?
Are there things that you would like to do less of?
What’s making it hard or stopping you from making these changes?
Once you have identified what you want to change and why the most important thing is getting out there and starting. Behavioural change is hard, especially at the start. But as Zig Ziglar says, “no one just walks around and finds themselves atop Mount Everest“. If you try something new and get stuck, my next blog post will give you a few tips and tricks to overcome these barriers.
The best thing about living by our values instead of just chasing after goals is that this can happen at any chosen moment. It doesn’t have to be New Years Day, and it doesn’t have to take a long time. I want to be more creative and more present and connect more with those that I care most about starting now. I don’t want work, focusing on the future or distractions on my phone or TV to get in the way.
Back on the 2nd of January, 2021, I suffered a stroke. I was in the sauna at the time and I felt something “go wrong” in my brain. All of a sudden, I experienced severe balance issues and felt nauseous. I hopped out of the sauna and went outside to lie down, but it didn’t seem to be getting any better.
I then tried to relocate upstairs back to my room eleven floors up, but my balance was still off. I managed to get there eventually, falling into and touching the side walls as I went. Even standing up straight was incredibly difficult, and walking without falling sideways was impossible. I called the emergency hotline in Australia – 000 and informed the person on the other end that I was having a stroke and I needed someone to come over as soon as possible.
Two paramedics came over to my place. By that time, I had already thrown up multiple times into the bathroom sink. They assessed me for a stroke using the acronym FAST, and determined that I didn’t meet many of the typical symptoms that they would look for in someone who was suffering from a stroke.
The acronym F.A.S.T. stood for:
F = Face: Check their face. Has their mouth drooped? Mine had not.
A = Arms: Can they lift both arms? I could lift both of my arms.
S = Speech: Is their speech slurred? Do they understand you? I could understand them and my speech was not slurred.
T = Time: Time is critical. If you see any of these signs, call 000 now. I had none of these signs, but I did call 000.
Even though it is important to get to the hospital as immediately as possible following a stroke, I did not exhibit any of the general signs that people look for following a stroke. As my stroke occurred in my cerebellum, none of these symptoms were present, and I was told that it was unlikely that I was having a stroke. The paramedics said that they could take me to the hospital, but because I was uninsured, it would cost me a few thousand dollars.
Instead, they encouraged me to get a medical appointment booked that day to see a GP so that they could follow up on how I was doing before they left. The first GP clinic was all booked out for Saturday morning, so I called 13SICK, which is the national home doctor service in Australia. They said that they could come that afternoon at 3 pm, and with that, the paramedics were satisfied and left my apartment.
My parents then called as I said that I couldn’t talk to my brother because of my current health concerns. My mum told me to call healthdirect to speak to a registered nurse about what was going on if I was concerned. I called 1800 022 222, and the female nurse agreed with the paramedics that I was not suffering from a stroke. She thought that I was experiencing vertigo or a migraine, and recommended bed rest and medication to assist with the headaches and nausea that I was experiencing.
I called my parents again and informed my mum that I felt scared and I wanted dad to come over. As mum had broken her leg playing tennis in 2020 and was still in a moon boot, I thought that dad coming over and spending the night was a better way to ensure that he could help me if I needed it.
At 7pm, 4 hours after he was scheduled to come visit in person, the doctor called. Following his brief assessment, he agreed with the paramedics and nurse that I was not having a stroke and was instead suffering from vertigo or a migraine. Medication was suggested to my father, who went and bought this from a pharmacy for me. My sister had also ordered paracetamol for me by this stage and had it ubered to my apartment complex and delivered upstairs by a concierge at the place where I lived.
The night of sleep was horrible, and I kept waking up with a severe headache, vertigo, and frequent nausea that resulted in me vomiting multiple times. By early the next morning, I told my father, who was asleep on the couch, that I needed him to take me to hospital, as things seemed to be getting worse rather than better.
The Next Day
We drove to the Alfred Hospital nearby. My dad assisted me to the car from the apartment and to the hospital’s emergency department. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, he was not allowed inside to wait with me at the emergency department. Being early on a Sunday morning, there were very few people waiting, and I was called to move to another waiting room in the hospital soon. I remember walking there and sitting down, but I don’t remember anything else for a few weeks until I woke up in a ward of the Alfred Hospital.
I later found out that my condition was treated conservatively initially, but then deteriorated quickly. My blood pressure spiked, and my stroke had worsened. I required surgery to remove the majority of my left cerebellum and I woke up a few weeks later with a number of tubes and stitches at the back of my head. My head hurt a lot, both in the middle and at the back. They had me on a lot of medication to assist with my blood pressure, cholesterol, pain, and bowel movements. I wasn’t allowed to move out of my hospital bed at all because of my high risk of falls.
Before I realized that I was back in the Alfred Hospital, I thought that I was in Nepal on a hiking expedition, in New Zealand, or somehow in an NBA JAM game back from the 1990s. It also felt like I was in an old exercise contraption with tubes up my nose and all over my face. Eventually, I came to and realized that I was back in the hospital that I had arrived at. Still, everything seemed so surreal.
My family kept coming by, especially my parents, even though they were limited in how much time that they could spend with me due to the COVID-19 pandemic. One of my closest friends, who is also a Neuropsychologist, decided to start up a chat group to let as many people as possible know how I was doing and whatever the latest update was. My mum tried to get a few people to send video messages to me but was told not to do this by the hospital staff as my brain needed to recover. Watching the videos would be too stimulating.
I remember feeling so uncomfortable with the tubes coming out of my face and head that I kept trying to pull them out. I was fed up with some of the nurses and their inconsistent rules for what I was meant to do or not do every day. Eventually, they tied my hands down or together so that I didn’t keep pulling at all of the new things that were attached to my head.
Even going to the toilet or having a shower was a massive ordeal. I wanted to be able to do it myself, but they kept telling me that I needed to buzz the nurses before moving anywhere. I remember waking up once during the night and trying to move to the toilet by myself. I fell down on the ground as soon as I tried to move by myself in the dark, only barely saving myself from a hard fall by holding onto the edge of the bed as I went down.
After a month in the Alfred, I moved to Caulfield Rehabilitation Hospital to continue my recovery. After 10 days in there, I was back to trying to continue my rehabilitation at home.
A Big Challenge
One of the hardest things was being away from my partner and her daughter back in Vanuatu. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I couldn’t easily see them either, but after about three weeks, I was slowly able to talk to them via an audio or video chat again.
Knowing that I had some life-saving surgeries and was in intensive care for a few weeks, this really did feel like a near-death experience for me. Not being able to see my partner and her daughter, who I had been separated from since the 20th of March, 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic, really did hit hard. Luckily, my partner agreed to come and visit for 2 weeks at the end of March/start of April 2021.
I am so grateful that she was willing to quarantine for two weeks before seeing me in Australia, and for another two weeks once she returned back home to Port Vila. Having those two weeks together definitely helped with my recovery. It also helped me a little bit with overcoming my disappointment at the medical insurance company delaying my return to volunteering.
How Things Are Now
It has been nearly five months since my stroke, and things feel like they are returning somewhat to normal. I am back riding my bike and running, and I have even tried to shoot some hoops and play some doubles in tennis. Of course, things are not the same as they were before the stroke, especially with my high-end balance and coordination, but I am doing everything that I can to do most of the things that I could do before the stroke.
One of the biggest changes is how much work has decreased in my overall priorities since suffering the stroke. Instead, spending time with friends and family has become much more important, and I try to fully give my time and attention to whoever I am with, instead of thinking at the back of my head all the other things I need to do.
Yes, working hard for the future is great, especially financially. But it should not occur at the point of hurting my health or saying no to connecting with the people that mean the most to me in my life. I hope that I can keep this insight in my mind going forward so that I can earn enough to have a good future, but not at the expense of the quality or quantity of life that I have left.
The five factor personality model has been researched and written about extensively. If you have never taken a Big Five Aspects Scale before, you can find out what your results are for under $10 at the Understand Myself website. A free version called the IPIP-NEO can also be found here.
My Big Five Results
All of the below descriptions are taken from my Understand Myself test that I completed on the 7th of September, 2020. This was in the middle of a Stage 4 lockdown in Melbourne due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and I was stuck in a one-bedroom apartment by myself, so this may have influenced my results a little bit.
EXTRAVERSION: 40th Percentile = Typical or Average
“You are average in extraversion, which is the primary dimension of positive emotion in the Big Five personality trait scientific model. Extraversion is a measure of general sensitivity to positive emotions such as hope, joy, anticipation and approach, particularly in social situations. Women are slightly more extraverted than men.“
Extraversion has two aspects: Enthusiasm and Assertiveness.
ENTHUSIASM: 30th Percentile = Moderately Low
“Individuals who are moderately low in enthusiasm are rarely excitable, not particularly easy to get to know, and not known for their talkative nature. When they do talk, it tends only to be about things in which they find particular interest. They do not easily open up to people, particularly in larger social gatherings or parties. They laugh more rarely than others. They tend to prefer solitude, although they can enjoy themselves around other people, in moderation. They are more private people, and are not particularly positive or optimistic. They do not crave the spotlight and, if creative, may find performing less desirable.“
ASSERTIVENESS: 52nd Percentile = Typical or Average
“People of average assertiveness will sometimes take charge, spontaneously, but often let others step in first. They can put forward their own opinions but do not feel compelled to do so. They are not particularly dominant and do not generally strive to control social situations. At times, they can act in an influential or captivating manner, but it is not habitual. They can act, in ambiguous situations, but will often let others lead the way. They tend not to be particularly impulsive, and tend not to act without thinking.“
AGREEABLENESS: 77th Percentile = High
“You are high in agreeableness, which is the primary dimension of Interpersonal interaction in the Big Five personality trait scientific model. People high in agreeableness are nice: compliant, nurturing, kind, naively trusting and conciliatory. However, because of their tendency to avoid conflict, they often dissemble and hide what they think. People low in agreeableness are not so nice: stubborn, dominant, harsh, skeptical, competitive and, in the extreme, even predatory. However, they tend to be straightforward, even blunt, so you know where they stand. Women are higher in agreeableness than men.“
Agreeableness has two aspects: Compassion and Politeness.
COMPASSION: 88th Percentile = High
“Highly compassionate people are much interested in the problems of other people, and other living things, particularly if they are young or helpless. They are quite concerned about helping other people avoid negative emotion. They make more time and do more kind things for others, even when doing so may interfere with fulfilling their own needs and interests. They have a markedly soft side. Other people consider them sympathetic and nice, and will turn to them often for a listening ear. They are highly empathetic and caring. However, because they are so other-oriented, they may find it difficult to negotiate on their own behalf, and may not get what they deserve (for their hard work, for example). This can lead to resentment.“
POLITENESS: 52nd Percentile = Typical or Average
“Typically polite people can be deferential to authority, but can also be challenging, when necessary. They are not particularly obedient. They can be respectful, but will also push back if pushed. They are not made uncomfortable by the necessity of standing up to other people. Typically polite people will avoid conflict, reasonably, but are not completely averse to confrontation.“
CONSCIENTIOUSNESS: 80th Percentile = High
“You are high in conscientiousness, which is the primary dimension of dutiful achievement in the Big Five personality trait scientific model. Conscientiousness is a measure of obligation, attention to detail, hard work, persistence, cleanliness, efficiency and adherence to rules, standards and processes. Conscientious people implement their plans and establish and maintain order. Women are slightly more conscientious than men“
Conscientiousness has two aspects: Industriousness and Orderliness.
INDUSTRIOUSNESS: 88th Percentile = High
“Highly industrious people are likely to believe that people fail because they don’t apply themselves or work hard enough. They feel guilty, rapidly, if they do not do their duty. However, because they typically stay on or ahead of schedule and accept their responsibilities, they rarely experience actual guilt.“
ORDERLINESS: 60th Percentile = Moderately High
“Moderately orderly people would rather keep everything tidy and organized. They tend both to make and stick to schedules. They like everything where it should be—and are happier if it stays where it should be. They are somewhat detail-oriented but tend not to be obsessive. They are generally aware of social rules and tend to abide by them. They like routine and prefer the predictable. They can be good at ensuring that complex, sensitive processes are managed properly and carefully.“
NEUROTICISM: 5th Percentile = Very Low
“You are very low in neuroticism, which is the primary dimension of negative emotion in the Big Five personality trait scientific model. Neuroticism is a measure of general sensitivity to negative emotions such as pain, sadness, irritable or defensive anger, fear and anxiety. Females tend to be higher in Neuroticism than males.“
Neuroticism has two aspects: Withdrawal and Volatility.
WITHDRAWAL: 19th Percentile = Low
“Individuals low in withdrawal rarely suffer from or are impeded by anticipatory anxiety. They can handle new, uncertain, unexpected, threatening or complex situations well. They are substantially less likely to avoid or withdraw in the face of the unknown and unexpected.“
VOLATILITY: 1st Percentile = Exceptionally Low
“Individuals exceptionally low in volatility are extraordinarily stable and predictable in their moods. They are virtually never irritable, and very rarely experience disappointment, frustration, pain and loneliness. People find them extremely easy and calming. They very infrequently express their frustration, disappointment and irritability and appear remarkably reasonable when they do so. Even on those unusually infrequent occasions where they become stirred up, upset, angry or irritated, they calm down almost immediately. They are not at all argumentative and almost never lose their composure.“
OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE: 95th Percentile = Very High
“You are very high in openness to experience, which is the primary dimension of creativity, artistic interest and intelligence (particularly verbal intelligence) in the Big Five personality trait scientific model. Openness to experience is a measure of interest in novelty, art, literature, abstract thinking, philosophy as well as sensitivity to aesthetic emotions and beauty. Men and women differ very little in openness to experience.“
Openness to experience has two aspects: Intellect and Openness.
INTELLECT: 94th percentile = Very High
“People very high in intellect find complex, rapidly changing occupations necessary and will generally excel at them (particularly if they are also high in conscientiousness and low in neuroticism). However, they are very much less well-suited to stable, straightforward and more traditional occupations, where the rules don’t change, and will experience frequent periods of boredom and intolerable levels of frustration in such positions.“
OPENNESS: 87th Percentile = High
“Highly open, creative people can be impractical and flighty (particularly if low in conscientiousness). It can be extremely difficult to transform creativity into money, or into a career. High levels of openness are, furthermore, necessary for entrepreneurial success, and often prove useful at the top of hierarchies, even in very conservative occupations such as banking, accounting and law, which need creative people in leadership positions to provide new vision and direction.“
Main Findings Based on the Five-Factor Personality Model
Judge, Heller & Mount (2002) found that highly conscientious people are most satisfied with their job (.26 correlation), followed by highly extraverted people (.25 correlation), then highly agreeable people (.17 correlation), then those who are high on openness to experience (.02 correlation) People high on neuroticism were negatively correlated with job satisfaction (-.29 correlation). My introversion is the only aspect that may negatively impact how much I enjoy a job.
For academic performance, Poropat (2009) found that agreeableness, conscientiousness and openness to experience correlate significantly to academic performance. Conscientiousness was related to academic performance in a way that was largely independent of intelligence. My personality style likely helped me to do well in school and complete eight years of university studies.
For intimate relationship satisfaction, Malouff, Thorsteinsson, Schutte, Bhullar and Rooke (2009) found that low neuroticism, high agreeableness, high conscientiousness and high extraversion were all correlated with greater relationship satisfaction. These variables did not vary significantly from men to women or from unmarried to married individuals. Unfortunately, my introversion and low enthusiasm in particular make it a bit harder for me to be satisfied in intimate relationships.
For citizenship, Chiaburu, Oh, Berry, Li, and Gardner (2011) found that people that are low in neuroticism, high in extraversion and high in openness to experience are more likely to engage in more individual, organization and change-oriented citizenship. Again, not being too extraverted and enthusiastic holds me back a little here.
For occupational type, Barrick, Mount and Gupta (2006) found that extraverts are most likely to enter an enterprising career (.41 correlation). People that are high on openness to experience are most likely to enter an artistic career (.39 correlation). Some say therapy is more art than science, which may indicate why I have chosen this over a career in research.
For clinical disorders, Malouff, Thorsteinsson and Schutte (2004) found that psychological disorders are more closely linked with high neuroticism, low conscientiousness, low agreeableness and low extraversion. Healthy populations in comparison to clinical populations show higher levels of extraversion and lower levels of neuroticism. Again, my introversion puts me at a greater risk.
For alcohol abuse, Malouff, Thorsteinsson, Rooke and Schutte (2007) found that people that are low on conscientiousness, low on agreeableness and high on neuroticism are more likely to have difficulties with alcohol. These individuals are less likely to improve through treatment. Another meta-analytic finding by Malouff, Thorsteinsson and Schutte (2006) found that these three factors are also significantly related to smoking prevalence. Never smoked, but have drunk more than I should have at times. If I want to cut down, my personality style should help me.
For physical activity, Sutin and colleagues (2016) found that lower neuroticism and higher conscientiousness is associated with more physical activity and less sedentary behaviour. Higher extraversion and more openness to experience is also associated with more physical activity ,and that these variables don’t change much based on age or sex. Consequently, being a bit introverted is the only factor that lets me down.
For workplace harassment, highly neurotic people are most likely to be exposed to workplace harassment (.25 correlation), with highly extraverted and conscientious people least likely to be harassed (.10 correlation). I thought Susan Cain said it was good to be an introvert in her book ‘Quiet’, but there doesn’t seem to be much that is positively linked with Introversion?
What About Individual Faults and Virtues?
Even though across the population as a whole there seems to be benefits to being extraverted, agreeable, conscientious, open to experience and not neurotic, there are advantages and disadvantages to each trait, particularly at the extremes.
Extremely sociable, extraverted people can be dominant and impulsive, while introverted, quiet people can easily become isolated and depressed.
Extremely open people can be scattered and overwhelmed by their own thoughts and ideas, while closed-minded people may become narrow and inflexible.
Exceptionally conscientious people can be obsessive about order, judgmental and rigid, while their more carefree counterparts may be messy, undisciplined and careless.
People very high in emotional stability may engage in risky, dangerous behaviour, while those who are more neurotic can become so preoccupied by anxiety and pain that they are unable to function.
Finally, extremely agreeable people may never stand up for themselves, while those who are too disagreeable can be aggressive, callous and bullying.
To find out your individual faults and virtues on each of the five personality factors, the Self Authoring program can help you to clarify your own personal traits and help you to clarify what you would like to strengthen and improve. Below are my results:
Can spend too much money
Keep in the background
Lose opportunities because I am too isolated
Am too quiet around strangers
Find it difficult to approach others
Bottle up my feelings
Feel drained by social interactions
Have a social circle that is too small
Feel comfortable around people
Don’t mind being the center of attention
Can take charge and lead
Am skilled in handling social situations
Am often happy
Can listen well
Do not always talk about myself
Enjoy time in natural surroundings
Let other people have the spotlight
Think before I act
Avoid conflict even when it is necessary
Will sacrifice my own feelings for the comfort of others
Can bottle up my feelings until I become resentful
Am polite to a fault
Trust people too easily
Can be detached and cold when others are hurt and upset
Am interested in people
Feel others’ emotions
Inquire genuinely about others’ well-being
Know how to comfort others
Make people feel at ease
Am a good peacemaker
Am aware that malevolence exists in the world
Get obsessed with details and lose the big picture
Cannot stand to be late for an appointment
Feel that I am being unproductive if I relax
Believe that I have to be flawless
Can be contemptuous of other people and of myself
Find it difficult to get down to work
Neglect my duties
Frequently make excuses
Am sometimes willing to bend the truth to get out of an obligation
Feel unmotivated to complete my work
Have a very long attention span and can work without being distracted
Do things according to a plan
Strive for efficiency and economy
Pay attention to details
Am extremely reliable
Always arrive at appointments early or on time
Am very goal-oriented
Do what I say I am going to do
Know how to go with the flow
Don’t waste my time thinking about little details
Emotional Stability/Low Stress Tolerance Faults
Am sometimes not afraid of things I should be afraid of
Don’t appear to learn as well from my mistakes as others do
Don’t pay enough attention to costs and potential future dangers
Often take counterproductive or unnecessary risks
Blow little things out of proportion
Let my fears stop me from doing things I want to do
Emotional Stability/Low Stress Tolerance Virtues
Am difficult to offend
Am in control of my emotions
Calm down quickly when I do get upset
Seldom get disturbed or upset
Am rarely incautious
Am a cautious, careful person
Don’t rush into things before I feel comfortable
Am good at identifying the risks in new situations
Pursue too many activities at the same time
Am interested in so many things that I don’t know what to focus on
Have a hard time planning for the future because I am interested in everything
Have a hard time making up my mind because I can always see all the sides of an argument
Am so interested in creative activities that it is hard to concentrate on things that are practical
Have had a hard time forming a clear identity
Have done crazy things just because I was curious about what might happen
Am quick to understand things
Can handle a lot of information
Catch on to things quickly
Am always learning new things
Spend time reflecting on things
Can always see new possibility in things
See the value in tradition and custom
Am resistant to radical, dangerous thoughts
So, as you can see above, your personality style is never all good or all bad. I’m sure that even if you are introverted, disagreeable, careless, neurotic and closed to new experiences, there will still be some virtues associated with your personality style. I also think that, even though it may be more of a challenge, it is still possible to find the right career or job and the right relationship and friendships for you.
You may not be the right fit for everyone or everything, but no one is. What is more important is to first try to understand yourself, change what you would like to and are able to, accept what you do not want to or cannot change, and then find the places and people that love and appreciate you for who you are.
For the first time ever, the 2020 World Happiness Report ranked 186 cities around the world in terms of their level of subjective well-being. By looking at the Gallup World Poll data across more than 160 countries and 99% of the world’s population, we can now tell which city’s residents evaluated their current life the highest. Well, at least how they evaluated their life satisfaction before the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
If you would like to determine your life satisfaction, you could also ask yourself the following question: “imagine yourself on a ladder with steps numbered from 0 at the bottom to 10 at the top. Zero represents the worst possible life and ten the best possible life you can imagine. Which step would you put yourself on based on your life currently?”
Here are the top 20 cities, based on their inhabitants’ responses to the above question:
Helsinki, Finland = 7.828 average
Aarhus, Denmark = 7.625 average
Wellington, New Zealand = 7.553 average
Zurich, Switzerland = 7.541 average
Copenhagen, Denmark = 7.530 average
Bergen, Norway = 7.527 average
Olso, Norway = 7.464 average
Tel Aviv, Israel = 7.461 average
Stockholm, Sweden = 7.373 average
Brisbane, Australia = 7.337 average
San Jose, Costa Rica = 7.321 average
Reykjavik, Iceland = 7.317 average
Toronto, Canada = 7.298 average
Melbourne, Australia = 7.296 average
Perth, Australia = 7.253 average
Auckland, New Zealand = 7.232 average
Christchurch, New Zealand = 7.191 average
Washington, USA = 7.185 average
Dallas, USA = 7.155 average
Sydney, Australia = 7.133 average
Scandinavian cities dominate, with more than half of the top ten cities worldwide. Australia’s happiest city is Brisbane, but three other Australian cities make the top 20, with Melbourne beating Sydney (yes!). NZ also fares pretty well, with Wellington the happiest city outside of Finland and Denmark, and Auckland and Christchurch in the top 20 too. The happiest city in the US is Washington D.C. surprisingly at #18, with Dallas just behind it in 19th.
Which Cities Are Improving their Happiness Levels the Most?
Here are the top ten cities with the biggest improvement in life satisfaction from 2005 to 2018:
Abidjan, Ivory Coast = 0.981 average improvement in subjective well-being
Dushanbe, Tajikstan = 0.950 average improvement
Vilnius, Lithuania = 0.939 improvement
Almaty, Kazakstan = 0.922 improvement
Cotonou, Benin = 0.918 improvement
Sofia, Bulgaria = 0.899 improvement
Dakar, Senegal = 0.864 improvement
Conakry, Guinea = 0.833 improvement
Niamey, Niger = 0.812 improvement
Brazzaville, Republic of the Congo = 0.787 improvement
Some of the biggest improvements in subjective well-being come from the continent of Africa, with six out of the top 10 cities coming from there. Central Asia and Eastern Europe are the other two main areas with the biggest jump in subjective well-being in the early part of the 21st Century.
Which Cities Feel the Most Hopeful About the Future?
Below is the top ten most optimistic cities and how they imagine their subjective well-being will be in the future:
Tashkent, Uzbekistan = 8.390 average future subjective well-being
San Miguelito, Panama = 8.372 average
San Jose, Costa Rica = 8.347 average
Accra, Ghana = 8.297 average
Panama City, Panama = 8.286 average
Aarhus, Denmark = 8.286 average
Copenhagen, Denmark = 8.208 average
Helsinki, Finland = 8.206 average
Atlanta, USA = 8.204 average
Freetown, Sierra Leone = 8.203 average
Central America seems to be very optimistic about their future, especially the two countries of Panama and Costa Rica. Atlanta is the only USA city to crack the top ten in any of the categories in this article, and Scandinavia remains hopeful about things continuing to improve going forward, especially Denmark and Finland. Tashkent in Uzbekistan comes out of nowhere to win this category, although Central Asia has had some big improvements in their subjective well-being over the last 15 years. Ghana and Sierra Leone are also expecting that things will continue to improve for them, with greater levels of happiness predicted in their main cities than anywhere in Australia or Western Europe in the future.
Which Cities Experience the Most Positive Emotions?
Here are the top ten cities in the world with the highest levels of positive affect:
Asuncion, Paraguay = .892/1
Mogadishu, Somalia = .877/1
Vientiane, Laos = .873/1
San Pedro Sula, Honduras = .867/1
Quito, Ecuador = .862/1
San Jose, Costa Rica = .860/1
Cork, Ireland = .857/1
Reykjavik, Iceland = .855/1
Santiago, Chile = .853/1
Montevideo, Uruguay = .850/1
These rankings are based off of people’s responses to the positive and negative affect scale (PANAS). The 10-item positive affect scale measures how much people describe feeling active, alert, attentive, determined, enthusiastic, excited, inspired, interested, proud and strong on a 5-point scale from 1 = not at all to 5 = very much. South American cities seem to rate quite high on this scale with Asuncion in Paraguay winning by quite a bit, Quito in Ecuador landing in the top 5, and Santiago in Chile and Montevideo in Uruguay rounding out the top 10. Central America have two cities in the top 6, with Somalia having the lone city from Africa, Laos the only city from Asia, and Ireland and Iceland representing Europe.
Which Cities Report the Fewest Negative Emotions?
The top ten cities with the lowest levels of negative affect:
Taipei, Taiwan = .110/1
Prishtine, Kosovo = 0.132/1
Shanghai, China = 0.140/1
Talinn, Estonia = 0.144/1
Singapore = 0.144/1
Ashgabat, Turkmenistan = 0.144/1
Baku, Azerbaijan = 0.145/1
Wellington, New Zealand = 0.152/1
Almaty, Kazakhstan = 0.158/1
Moscow, Russia = 0.159/1
These rankings are also based off of people’s responses to the PANAS. The 10-item negative affect scale assesses how much people report feeling afraid, ashamed, distressed, guilty, hostile, irritable, jittery, nervous, scared and upset on a 5-point scale from 1 = not at all to 5 = very much. Unlike many of the other findings, Asia and Eastern Europe come out on top, with no sign of African or North, Central or South American countries in the top 10. Taiwan, China and Singapore all rank in the top 5, indicating low levels of negatively reported emotions in this region. Unfortunately, low negative affectivity doesn’t seem to result in super high levels of reported happiness or life satisfaction, as the only city to rank in the top 10 in any other section is Wellington, New Zealand.
If you want to go where people are most satisfied with their life, Finland is the place to be, as it has been rated the happiest country in the world for three years now. Helsinki also takes the crown for the city with the highest life satisfaction at present, but other cities in Scandinavia aren’t too far behind.
When you explore the data a little further, it gets a bit more complicated as to where the happiest places in the world are. No Australian city ranks in the top 10 in the world for recent improvement in life satisfaction, optimism about life satisfaction in the future, or levels of positive or negative affectivity. Only one US city (Atlanta for optimism about the future) makes the top ten for any of these categories, and UK countries are nowhere to be seen for any of them.
Conversely, there are many cities in Africa and Central Asia where well-being has been improving at a fast pace over the last 15 years and their citizens remain excited about the potential for what is yet to come. None more so than Tashkent in Uzbekistan. Central America also has a number of cities that are feeling happy and hopeful about their future, especially in Panama, Costa Rica and Honduras.
Based on the findings, South America has the most cities that report a lot of positive emotions in the present, and Asia and Eastern Europe win out on minimal negative emotions. Personally, the idea of living somewhere with minimally reported negative emotions and a high level of life satisfaction sounds pretty good to me. Wellington, you might be just what I am looking for…
Back in the 18th Century, employees worked up to 16 hours per day. Everyone knew this was unsustainable, and that it led to severe fatigue and a horrible quality of life for most of the working class. Then in 1856, the 8 hours movement began in Victoria.
The Labor unions fought hard for the idea of 888. They wanted 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for work, and 8 hours for family, rest and play. This statue was erected at the top end of Russell Street in Melbourne in 1903, meaning that they had achieved this goal for most people sometime between 1856 and 1903 in Victoria.
In the US, the railroad workers began to work eight-hour shifts in 1916. Ford Motor Company followed suit in 1926 when they cut the working hours of their employees to 8 hours per day while doubling wages. The reduced work hours and better pay led to a happier and more committed workforce, and productivity increased. More leisure time and money also led to more workers buying more stuff (including Ford cars), which the government realised was better for raising GDP. Other companies also began to realise that workers were more focused and productive when they worked less. An eight-hour workday subsequently became the new norm.
Since then, the working hours have begun to creep back up again, especially in the US. Among people employed full-time, the average employee works 47 hours per week. 40% of full-time employees now work over 50-hours per week, with only 8% working less than 40 hours. So much for 8-hour workdays being the standard.
The Negative Consequences of Long Work Hours
Research has shown:
Working more than 10 hours per day can increase your risk of cardiovascular issues by 60%
Regularly working more than 10 hours a day can also increase your risk of stroke by 29%.
Working more than 11 hours of overtime a week leads to increased depression risk.
Working 12 hours days increases your risk of making mistakes at work by 23%.
In companies where the average weekly work time is under 43.5 hours per week, barely any fatigue-related problems are found.
In companies where the average weekly work time is between 43.5 hours and 46 hours, minor fatigue problems are detected.
In companies where the average weekly work time is over 46.5 hours, severe fatigue-related issues are seen.
The rate of relationship problems in those working 50-60 hours per week is 10%
The percentage of relationship problems in those working more than 60 hours per week is 30%.
Long working hours are linked to poorer mental health and sleep quality.
Long working hours are also linked with increased smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and weight gain.
Long working hours are related to lower job performance, as well as less job satisfaction and lower overall life satisfaction.
What if We Did Work Less?
The above infographic by Ohio University highlights why we need to work less. If the top 10% of employees in terms of productivity work in 52-minute blocks followed by 15- to 20-minute breaks, they can only do seven 52-minute work block in a day. That is 7 x 52 = 364 minutes of work per day. That means we really shouldn’t be putting in more than 6 hours and 4 minutes of work per day.
We also should be taking 1 hour and 56 minutes of breaks spread out across the day if we want to be at our most productive too. That’s six breaks that are 19 minutes and 20 seconds long, or five 15-minute breaks and one 41 -minute lunch break. Like they say in the infographic, eight-hour days are only productive when we take sufficient breaks, and few people do.
An alternative for the people or organisations that don’t want to take regular breaks is a shorter workday. The average person is only productive for 2 hours and 53 minutes every day. What do you think would happen if we reduced the workday to only 6-hours per day and paid people the same amount?
For a 6-hour workday to be effective, it would be necessary for companies to make it harder for their employees to waste time. Just putting a block on news websites and social media sites would give the average person 1 hour and 49 minutes of their typical workday back. With the extra time after work, these employees could check the news and social media then if they wanted to. If the average employee is 20% happier and healthier with six-hour workdays, they are going to be less likely to look for other jobs too.
Microsoft has also recently experimented with four-day work-weeks in Japan. When workers took the Friday as well as the weekend off, productivity went up 40%. Only 10% of the staff who tried this weren’t more productive overall. They also cut meeting times down to a maximum of 30-minutes each. I’m sure that this helped as well.
When other companies have tried four-day work-weeks, they manage to produce 25% more output with the same size staff. They also find it easier to fill vacant positions when they arise, as more people are enticed by the four-day-a-week full-time job than a typical five-day-a-week role.
Since coming back to Melbourne and returning to full-time work, I have noticed that a lot of my stress and fatigue has returned. Finding the right work/life balance isn’t easy, especially with all of the uncertainty and anxiety created by the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m grateful to have full-time work doing what I love to do, but working in a way that isn’t harmful to my health and well-being is still a work in progress for me.
However you decide to manage your workload, please understand that working long hours without regular breaks is not sustainable. We can address this by working fewer hours in a day or fewer days in a week. Or we can merely get up from the desk and walk around a bit more when you notice that your productivity and energy levels are dropping. Getting outside for lunch and away from screens can also help. As can taking some pressure off of ourselves.
Working hard and being busy are still seen as status symbols in Western society on too frequent a basis. Stepping out of this culture and into “island time” for 20 months was one of the best things I could have done for my fatigue, happiness and overall well-being.
The biggest question I still have is whether or not we can learn from our experiences and from what the research says. It seems counter-intuitive, but working less could help us to be a healthier, happier and more productive society going forward. We just need COVID-19 to go away so that we can enjoy the free time we have doing the things we enjoy and connecting with the people we love.
People often ask me how they can improve their motivation. Generally what I tell them is that there are two big motivators in life. One is your values, or what is most important to you in your life. The other is fear, or trying to prevent the worst from happening.
Research by Tversky and Kahneman found that losses loom much larger than gains. This means that fear is usually better for motivation than values, because we are more willing to put in effort to avoid something bad happening than we are to create something good. This bias is one of the main reasons that all of your direct ancestors survived long enough to reproduce. So without their loss aversion, you may not be here today.
The problem of just using fear for motivation is that it triggers our fight-or-flight response. It increases our cortisol levels if we trigger this response too often, so in the long run it isn’t so great for our mental and physical health.
Being motivated by our values on the other hand is very rewarding. We aren’t just in survival mode. We are creating the life we want and it feels very rewarding.
Intrinsic vs extrinsic values
Values are not the same thing as goals. You cannot just achieve them and then move on. They are guiding principles for life. They help you identify whether you are on the right track in your life or not. If you are not sure which values are most important to you, this clarification exercise can help.
The biggest problem with values is that it can be hard to know why your most important values are important to you. Is it because society says they are, or movies, or marketing companies? Or is it because your family or religion says so? Or just because it feels really important deep down?
Research has found that we are much more likely to experience motivation when we are being motivated by our intrinsic rather than our extrinsic values. Extrinsic means something outside of us. Intrinsic means something within us.
I remember back when I was doing my Doctoral studies. For the first six months I was not on a scholarship and was studying for free. Then I was placed on an academic scholarship, and was being paid to study. There was something about being paid to study (an extrinsic factor) that diminished my intrinsic motivation to study and made it harder overall. Before I received the scholarship, I thought it would have been the opposite, and that getting paid to study would have helped me remain focused and finish my research even quicker. It did not.
Professional sports players who start getting paid to play can feel the same way. Growing up you couldn’t keep them off the court. They just loved the game. But now it’s a business, and some people in the NBA refuse to play unless they are getting paid more or playing for a team that is contending for a championship. Their intrinsic motivation has become overshadowed by their million dollar salaries.
Volunteering in Vanuatu was the opposite. Because I was no longer getting paid to do any of the Mental Health support that I was offering the country, I could fall in love with psychology and therapy all over again. I was simply helping people to improve their mental health and the overall quality of their lives. I felt connected with my important values and experienced lots of motivation as a result.
Three Intrinsic Ways To Build Motivation
In his excellent book ‘Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us’, the author Daniel H. Pink says that there are three major ways to increase your intrinsic motivation:
What do you want to do?
Why do you want to do it?
Is it for others or for you?
If it is for others, do you feel forced to do it or is it because it is important to you?
If it’s important to you, what personal value is being highlighted as very important for you:
Obedience or Loyalty?
Being kind or compassionate?
Not being indebted to others?
Equality or fairness?
What skills do you want to build?
What do you enjoy learning?
What areas interest you?
What comes easily to you that doesn’t come easily to others?
What are you passionate about?
What is personally meaningful to you?
If you didn’t have to earn money, what would you do?
What would you want your epitaph or tombstone to say?
What would you want to hear someone say at your 80th birthday during a talk about you and the person you have been?
What do you want your legacy to be?
What do you want to add to the world?
How would you like to be remembered?
If the world was going to end in 2 years, and you couldn’t do anything about it or tell anyone else about it, would you do anything different to what you are doing now?
If your kids didn’t listen to what you said, and only looked at what you did, would you change you actions or what you do on a daily basis? If so, what would you do differently?
Is FEAR Holding You Back?
Let’s say you know what you want to change, but are still struggling to do it. Perhaps FEAR is holding you back from making the changes you want to. FEAR is an acronym Russ Harris created in his books’ The Happiness Trap’ and ‘The Confidence Gap’.
FEAR stands for:
F = fusion with unhelpful thoughts
If you are fusing with unhelpful thoughts, you need to practice defusion skills to let go of unhelpful thoughts and increase your motivation. Defusion techniques involve recognising thoughts, images, and memories for what they are. They are just words and pictures. You then allow them to come and go as they please, without fighting them, running from them or giving them more attention than they deserve. Google search Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) defusion exercises and try some until you find one that allows you to let go of unhelpful thoughts. My personal favourite is on the app ‘CBT-I coach’ in the section called, ‘quiet your mind’ where you can find an exercise called ‘observe thoughts – clouds in the sky’.
E = expectations that are unrealistic
If you have unrealistic expectations, review your goals and write the new ones down to improve your motivation. Break these goals down into smaller steps, give yourself more time to achieve them and allow yourself to make mistakes. Let’s say you are hoping to obtain seven hours of sleep per night, and you only sleep five hours currently. Start with trying to improve your total sleep time by an average of 10 minutes over the next week. Once you achieve this, you can then aim for another 10 minutes. Within 12 weeks, you could get to where you want to be, so try to take the long-term approach instead of looking for a super quick fix. If you do not reach your sleep goal on one night, that is okay. Just stick to the plan you have set, and do not give up until at least two weeks have passed. Everyone has a terrible sleep from time to time, so it is important to keep realistic short and long-term goals to ensure that your motivation remains high.
A = avoidance of discomfort
If you are avoiding discomfort, challenge yourself to improve your motivation by taking action. Remember that gradual exposure is the most effective intervention for any anxiety disorder, including post-traumatic stress disorder. With anxiety, we want to avoid, but this only keeps the fear alive as our brain tells us that what we are avoiding is dangerous. We need to challenge ourselves to do what we want and make room for the emotions that we feel in these moments. By doing this, we will generally realise that doing the thing we were afraid of was not nearly as bad or uncomfortable as we imagined. To increase your ability to sit with painful or difficult emotions, try expansion ACT exercises, or a body scan meditation. The CBT-I coach app has a body scan meditation under the ‘quiet your mind’ section that I would recommend checking out.
R = remoteness from values
If you are not living consistently with your most important values, reconnect with them to increase your motivation. Then see if your plan or desired outcome will help you to live more consistently with your most important values. If your plan will, write down your most important values and put them in a place that you will often see to remind yourself of why you are currently doing what you are doing. If your plan will not, change your plan so that it is more consistent with what is most important to you.
Remember, change is generally always hard, but worth it if it will help us to live the life that we want to be living in the end. Keeping in mind why you are doing something is also the key to improving your motivation so that you can push through when things get tough.
Good luck with improving your motivation, and do let me know if these strategies help!
These past few months have been wild, and not in a good way.
On February 4th I partially dislocated my knee while playing basketball in Port Vila, Vanuatu. It hurt. A lot.
On the 8th of February, I was medically relocated back to Australia, where an MRI confirmed the extent of the damage. I had ruptured my ACL, torn my meniscus, injured my MCL and fractured my tibia. Surgery was recommended, but the waiting list to see a specialist was lengthy. I worried that I would need to terminate my volunteer role as a Mental Health Specialist at Vanuatu’s Ministry of Health early. Fortunately, a private medical specialist said that I could go on a public waitlist for surgery and medically cleared me to return to Vanuatu to finish my role. I was still in pain, but I could walk and work, and the surgery could wait.
On March 7th I returned back to Port Vila and was super happy to see everyone again and put my psychological knowledge and skills towards reducing mental illness in Vanuatu.
Around this time, the number of Coronavirus cases began to escalate worldwide. Quickly. Before I had even re-adjusted to life in Port Vila again, the Australian Volunteer Program informed us that the program was being suspended worldwide, and all volunteers would be sent home in the next one to three weeks.
On the 16th of March, we were told that we would need to pack up all our stuff and book a flight to return to Australia before the 31st of March. On the 19th of March at 6:30pm, we were told that we needed to leave the following day. After living in Vanuatu for 18 months, I did not even have a full day to pack and say a proper goodbye to everyone there, including dear friends, coworkers and patients. It was extremely tough, and something that I am continuing to try and process both cognitively and emotionally.
Now that I am back in Melbourne and self-isolating, I suddenly have a lot of free time, no job and no demands except to stay on my property and away from other people.
A lot of the things that we are all being asked to do during the pandemic is almost the exact opposite of what psychologists would normally recommend for people to do. This is especially the case for people with a diagnosable mental illness, such as depression or anxiety.
For depression, not doing things that we have previously enjoyed and isolating ourselves from others are two of the biggest traps that we can fall into. For anxiety, the biggest trap is continued avoidance of the things that we are afraid of.
A common psychological intervention for depression with a lot of scientific evidence supporting it is behavioural activation. This means that we push ourselves to try to do the things that we know are likely to be good for us, even if we don’t feel like doing them. For anxiety, the most empirically supported intervention is gradual exposure, or slowly challenging ourselves to face our fears, especially with situations that feel like life or death situations to us but are actually pretty safe. Once we begin doing these things again, we realise that they are actually more enjoyable and less scary than our minds were telling us, and over time it can become easier and easier to do these (and other) activities.
What about Coronavirus?
Regardless of where you are in the world, the most important thing that we can do for our physical safety of ourselves and our loved ones is to follow the directives from your government about COVID-19 and the trusted health organisations that are helping to determine these directives in your area. If you are being asked to self-isolate, don’t go outside your property. If you are being asked to work from home and you can, please do, unless you are considered an essential service and you are needed out in the community. Wash your hands with soap and warm water for 20 seconds regularly, or use hand sanitizer if you have access to them. Don’t touch your face and cough into your elbow and away from others. Practice social distancing and stay at least 1.5 metres from others. Don’t hang out in groups or touch or shake hands or hug and kiss others. Wear a mask if you are worried that you have any symptoms. Call the emergency numbers or hotlines in your region if you are concerned about your symptoms and ask medical professionals about what you should do rather than just turn up to clinics or hospitals unannounced.
Hopefully, most of you know the relevant recommendations in your area by now and why they are important to help flatten the curve. If we can all do our part, it will help to reduce how overwhelmed our medical facilities become with severe or critical COVID-19 cases, which will reduce the overall fatality rate.
How Can We Mentally Cope?
The current Coronavirus pandemic does seem to be having a huge psychological impact on people across the globe. Many people were in denial initially or trying to minimise the seriousness of the virus or the impact that they thought it would have. However, once it began to spread more, people began to feel scared, afraid, fearful, anxious, worried, nervous, panicky and overwhelmed about what is going on in the present and what may come in the future. Others report feeling sad, shocked, despondent, hopeless, helpless, or in grief about what they have already lost and what they can do about it at the moment. Or they feel annoyed, frustrated, mad, or angry about what has happened, how it has happened, and the decisions that governments and others are making to try and slow down the spread of the virus.
It is a very difficult time for everyone.
During my first few days of self-isolation, I think I was still recovering from the panic associated with trying to pack up my life and leave Vanuatu in less than 24 hours. I was in shock maybe, or denial. For the first three days, I didn’t even unpack my bag. I just communicated with friends and family, read some books, worried, played video games, watched Netflix, ate and slept.
By day four, which was yesterday, enough was enough. I pulled out a notebook, and decided that I would try the Ivy Lee Productivity Method. This 100-year-old method to boost productivity is quite simple, with only five steps:
By figuring out what my top 6 priorities were and writing them down, I managed to already feel a lot better and more in control, even before I started actually doing the tasks. I also managed to fly through the tasks and feel productive again for the first time since being back in Melbourne. I resumed my daily meditation practice using the ‘Waking Up’ app. I unpacked my bags and tidied my room. I switched over my SIM card in my phone back to my Australian one. I did some much-needed paperwork online and did a weights workout while watching some TV. It was a good day.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or unproductive at the moment, try the Ivy Lee Productivity Method. Just make sure that you only put six items on the list, and do the most important things first.
Having a schedule or consistent routine is also something that I would highly recommend during this pandemic. Work and school often provides this for us, but if you are at home 24/7, you need to create this yourself. A helpful routine might consist of:
trying to sleep and wake at relatively consistent times,
not spending too little or too much time in bed (7-9 hours for adults, more for children),
eating regularly with lots of vegetables and not too much junk food or sweets,
staying hydrated by drinking enough water and minimising consumption of alcohol, nicotine and illicit drugs,
communicating via phone or the internet with at least one friend or family member daily,
doing some form of strength training or cardiovascular exercise for 20-30 minutes a day, even if you are confined to a single room,
having some daily tasks that give you a sense of achievement, engagement or mastery, and
getting fresh air and sunlight regularly if you can do this without breaking any restrictions in your area.
The more that you can build these things into your daily routine, the greater chance there is of maintaining or improving your mental health. Having some activities that we enjoy each day and look forward to doing can also really help.
Which Activities Can Help?
If you still aren’t exactly sure what you can do from day to day at the moment, a pleasant activities list or pleasant activity schedule can help. There are many different ones available online for free, but the one I will use for this article is the ‘Fun Activities Catalogue‘ by the Centre for Clinical Interventions in Western Australia.
Out of the 365 activities listed, there are some that I can definitely not do while in self-quarantine, including going ice-skating, going out to dinner, socialising in person, flying a plane, scuba diving, going on a tour or to the zoo or movies, or playing sport.
What is surprising though, is just how many items I still can do. Read the list of self-quarantine friendly activities below, and rank on a scale from 1 to 5 how much you think you would enjoy doing the task if you were to do it. If you can’t do that particular item where you are living, just skip it. For this exercise, 1 = I would hate to do this activity, 2 = I wouldn’t really like doing this activity 3 = doing the activity would be okay, 4 = it would be pretty fun to do this activity, and 5 = I would love to do this activity!
Spending time in my backyard
Watching the clouds drift by
Debating with someone online or over the phone
Painting my nails
Scheduling a day with nothing to do
Giving positive feedback about something (e.g. writing a letter or email about good service)
Feeding the birds
Spending an evening with good friends online or on the phone
Making jams or preserves
Getting dinner delivered by a restaurant and having them drop it at your doorstep
Buying gifts online
Having a political discussion online or over the phone
Repairing things around the house
Washing my car
Watching TV, videos
Sending a loved one a card in the mail
Taking a bath
Having a video call with someone who lives far away
Organising my wardrobe
Playing musical instruments
Lighting scented candles, oils or incense
Spending time alone
Putting up a framed picture or artwork
Looking up at the stars at night
Birdwatching from my backyard or window
Doing something spontaneously in the house
Going on a picnic in the backyard
Having a warm drink
Massaging hand cream into my hands
Fantasising about the future
Clearing my email inbox
Getting out of debt/paying debts
Looking at old photo albums or photos on my computer or Facebook
Exploring Google Earth
Walking around my house and yard
Researching a topic of interest
Donating money to a cause I support
Smelling a flower
Opening the curtains and blinds to let light in
Doing jigsaw puzzles
Sorting through old clothes or items that you could donate to a charity eventually
Lying in the sun
Learning a magic trick
Talking on the phone
Listening to a podcast or radio show
Noticing what I can see in the neighbourhood from my house or yard
Doing arts and crafts
Mowing the lawn
Doing the dishes
Sitting outside and listening to birds sing
Watching TED talks online
Planning a holiday for the future
Putting moisturising cream on my face / body
Re-watching a favourite movie
Going camping in the living room or backyard
Entering a competition
Doing crossword puzzles
Patting or cuddling my pet
Cooking a special meal
Putting extra effort in to my appearance
Doing a favour for someone online
Building a bird house or feeder
Looking at pictures of beautiful scenery
Talking to family members online or over the phone
Listening to music
Learning a new language using the app Duolingo
Taking a free online class
Working on my blog or seeing clients via telehealth
Washing my hair
Singing around the house
Creatively reusing old items
Maintaining a musical instrument (e.g. restringing guitar)
Buying clothes online
Snuggling up with a soft blanket
Listening to an audiobook
Watching an old stand-up comedy show on Netflix or Youtube
Writing down a list of things I am grateful for
Teaching a special skill to someone else online (e.g. knitting, woodworking, painting, language)
Playing chess using an app
Playing video games
Jumping on a trampoline
Sending a text message to a friend
Putting a vase of fresh flowers in my house
Participating in an online protest or campaign I support
Baking home-made bread
Walking barefoot on soft grass
Watching a movie marathon
Wearing an outfit that makes me feel good
Cooking some meals to freeze for later
Hobbies (stamp collecting, model building, etc.)
Talking to an older relative over the phone and asking them questions about their life
Listening to classical music
Watching funny videos on YouTube
Doing something religious or spiritual (e.g. praying)
Making my bed with fresh sheets
Early morning coffee and news
Planning a themed party for next year (e.g. costume, murder mystery)
Wearing comfortable clothes
Shining my shoes
Trying to act like the characters in my favourite movies or TV shows
Working on my car or bicycle
Juggling or learning to juggle
Contacting an old school friend
Playing with my pets
Listening to the radio
Planting vegetables or flowers
Surfing the internet
Doing embroidery, cross stitching
Buying books from Amazon or bookdepository.co.uk
Meditating using Smiling Mind or Headspace or Calm or Balance or Waking Up apps
Training my pet to do a new trick
Planning a day’s activities
Waking up early, and getting ready at a leisurely pace
Organising my home workspace
Writing (e.g. poems, articles, blog, books)
Dancing in the dark
Reading classic literature
Putting on perfume or cologne
Reading magazines or newspapers
Calling a friend
Sending a handwritten letter
Meeting new people online by joining groups that you are interested in
Doing 5 minutes of calm deep breathing
Buying new stationary online
Turning off electronic devices for an hour (e.g. computer, phone, TV)
Buying music (MP3s, Spotify premium subscription)
Watching an old sports game (rugby, soccer, basketball, etc)
Planning a nice surprise for someone else
Saying “I love you” to someone important in your life online, over the phone or in a letter
Making a playlist of upbeat songs
Doing a nagging task (e.g. making a phone call, scheduling an online appointment, replying to an email)
Shaping a bonsai plant
Planning my career
Writing a song or composing music
Having a barbecue
Looking at art online
Making a ‘To-Do’ list of tasks
Having quiet evenings
Singing in the shower
Exchanging emails, chatting on the internet
Napping in a hammock
Making a gift for someone
Having discussions with friends
Trying a new recipe
Pampering myself at home (e.g. putting on a face mask)
Savouring a piece of fresh fruit
Eating outside in my backyard
Making a pot of tea
Using special items (e.g. fine china, silver cutlery, jewellery, clothes, souvenir mugs)
Doing a DIY project (e.g. making homemade soap, making a mosaic)
Taking care of my plants
Telling a joke online or over the phone
Discussing books online
Watching boxing or wrestling online or on TV
Giving someone a genuine compliment
Practising yoga or Pilates
Genuinely listening to others
Rearranging the furniture in my house
Buying new furniture online
Watching a sunset or sunrise from the balcony
Watching a funny TV show or movie
Recycling old items
Boxing a punching bag
Learning about my genealogy/family tree
Setting up a budget
Writing a positive comment on a website /blog
Eating something nourishing (e.g. chicken soup)
Taking a class online (e.g. Masterclass, Udemy, Coursera)
Combing or brushing my hair
Writing diary/journal entries
Cooking an international cuisine
Trying new hairstyles
Watching a fireplace or campfire
Working from home
Playing board games (e.g. Scrabble, Monopoly)
Savouring a piece of chocolate
Hunting for a bargain online
Buying, selling stocks and shares
Buying myself something nice
Watching old home videos
Making home-made pizza
Doing something nostalgic (e.g. eating a childhood treat, listening to music from a certain time in my life)
Joining an club online (e.g. film, book, sewing, etc.)
Hopefully there are at least a few items in the above list that you would find fun or would love to do. If so, put them on your to-do-list or build them into your routine somewhere over the next week, and see what happens. If it’s been a long time or you have never done it before, it may be even more fun than you expect once you get started. Just make sure that you give the task a proper go for at least ten minutes before stopping and trying something else.
In the 21st Century, our lives have become extremely busy, full and fast-paced. With the COVID-19 pandemic, we are now being told that the most helpful thing we can do is stay at home and remain physically distant from others. Unless you are in an essential profession, this could be a time to slow down. To check-in with those that you care most about. To chat for longer and to connect emotionally. To reflect on your life and rediscover what really matters to you. To hope and dream and plan for a better future. And to try things that you otherwise may not have had the chance or the time to do.