Last weekend I managed to complete my PADI Open Water SCUBA Diver Course:
PADI Temporary Card — Open Water Diver
Name: Damon Ashworth Instructor Number: 305944
This person has satisfactorily met the standards for this certification level as set forth by PADI.
It was a pretty big challenge for me since I don’t really like being on boats and find it scary just swimming out in the middle of the ocean. But, I did it because a close friend asked me if I would be her dive buddy for the course, and I thought there would be no better opportunity than when I am already living in Vanuatu, home to some of the best dive sites in the world.
To get your Open Water Card, you need to pass many theory tests about diving, and you need to complete 24 skills in a pool and then replicate these skills out in the open water across four dives. We saw a shipwreck, some amazing coral and sea life, and even a few small reef sharks during the open water dives.
The scariest part to me was when I was up to 18 metres underwater, knowing that I’d need to stop for 3 minutes at 5 metres on the way up and ascend slowly to avoid decompression sickness. It meant that if I felt a bit anxious or panicky for whatever reason, I couldn’t just get out to the surface straight away and start gasping for air. Instead, I had to remain calm, breathe slowly and steadily using my regulator, put some confidence in my divemaster who was guiding us through the training and focus on whatever was in my control instead of worrying about things that were out of it.
Fortunately, I successfully completed the dives and all the skills. Some moments were pretty cool, especially seeing the wreck and the sea life on the coral reef. In general, though, I didn’t love it and was utterly exhausted and a little bit relieved once I did it.
So how do I know if it was worth it? Should I have bothered challenging myself to do something where I worried I could have died if something went badly wrong?
When Is It Worth Facing Your Fears?
The answer is it depends. It depends on:
What scares you?
How afraid you are (on a scale from 0 = no anxiety at all to 10 = completely overwhelmed and having a panic attack)?
How safe or dangerous is the thing that you fear? and
Will it impact your quality of life if you do not face up to your fear or try to overcome it?
Suppose what you fear has a low risk of actually occurring. The activity is relatively safe even though it feels scary, and not doing it has a significant negative impact on your life. In that case, it is worth trying to challenge yourself and overcome your fears.
For me:
I think the fear of SCUBA diving was dying.
The thought of actually going SCUBA diving increased my anxiety to a 7/10, which is high but not quite at the panic stage.
The 2010 Diver’s Alert Network Workshop Report found that only one-in-211,864 dives end in a fatality. SCUBA diving is riskier than flying in an aeroplane or riding a bike but much less dangerous than driving a car, skydiving, or running a marathon. We’re even more likely to die from walking or falling on stairs than we are from SCUBA diving.
4. If I never went SCUBA diving, I doubt that it would have reduced my quality of life in any way. I did it mainly because I wanted to spend time with my friend, and I wanted to challenge myself to face my fears, as not being able to overcome any fears would have a substantial negative impact on my quality of life.
I am glad to get my PADI Open Water Certificate based on the above information. I’m not too sure if I will ever go again, though. I could enjoy it more and become less anxious about diving over time, and that did happen even across my four open water dives. If I went again, my anxiety might be a five or a six. In reality, though, I think I can enjoy snorkelling just as much without it lowering my quality of life in any way, and I’ll probably do that more than SCUBA diving in the future.
What Are the Most Common Fears?
The top ten most common specific phobias are:
Arachnophobia — fear of spiders
Ophidiophobia — fear of snakes
Acrophobia — fear of heights
Agoraphobia — fear of crowds or open spaces
Cynophobia — fear of dogs
Astraphobia — fear of thunder and lightning
Claustrophobia — fear of small spaces
Mysophobia — fear of germs
Aerophobia — fear of flying
Trypanophobia — fear of injections
Looking at the above common phobias, they all have some basis for why we may become afraid of them. Some spiders and snakes can kill, as can dogs (especially if they have rabies). Planes can crash, and falling from high up can be fatal. People can become trapped and suffocate in a small space or crowds, and lightning strikes have killed people. Germs and bacteria spread disease too. Medical mishaps are the third most significant cause of death in the US, according to the latest figures from the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Unfortunately, our brain is not very good at distinguishing dangerous things versus things that feel dangerous but are pretty safe.
How Do We Overcome Fears?
We overcome any fear through the dual process of gradual exposure and cognitive reappraisal after the exposure:
1. We determine what fear it is we would like to master. Preferably, this is something that you are currently avoiding that is negatively impacting your life, such as not going to the doctor or dentist because you are afraid of needles.
2. We develop an exposure hierarchy on this fear. It should have at least five tasks that you want to do ranked from least scary to most scary (scale from 0–10). For Arachnophobia, it may be a 2/10 for looking at pictures of spiders to a 4/10 for watching videos of spiders. Then a 6/10 for looking at spiders in an enclosure to a 10/10 for letting a spider crawl up your arm.
3. We start with the least scary task first and stay in the situation for at least 10 minutes if possible. It should be long enough for the anxiety to peak and then reduce substantially during the exposure exercise. A psychologist can teach specific behavioural and thinking skills to help lower stress levels during exposure.
4. We reflect on the exposure experience afterwards and try to change our previously held beliefs about what we fear. It is called cognitive reappraisal and is done by asking ourselves, “how did it go?” “was it as bad as I thought it would be?” and “how would I approach a similar situation in the future?”
5. Once we are comfortable with that level of the exposure hierarchy, we repeat steps three and four with the next task on the exposure hierarchy. Then, once we become comfortable with the next step, we take each step until we are successful with all tasks on the hierarchy. By the end, you have overcome or mastered the fear.
What if What I Fear is Dangerous?
If you have Ophidiophobia and live in Australia, you’re probably not going to want to befriend a snake that you run into out in the bush. Australia is home to 21 out of the 25 most deadly snakes globally. If you want to overcome this fear, you might want to learn instead how to distinguish between poisonous and non-poisonous snakes and get more comfortable only with deadly ones from behind solid glass panels at your local zoo. Or you could visit someone who owned a harmless pet snake so that you could get used to being around it and touching it and realising that you are safe.
If you’re afraid of heights, I wouldn’t suggest being like Alex Honnold and trying to free climb El Capitan in Yosemite. However, testing ‘The Edge’ experience at the Eureka tower in Melbourne or even riding ‘The Giant Drop’ on the Gold Coast might be a pretty safe way to challenge your fears.
Facts can really help some people challenge their beliefs about their fears, but nothing beats putting ourselves in a feared situation first and then challenging our beliefs afterwards.
For me, knowing that only 12 out of the 35,000 different varieties of spiders are harmful to humans makes me not worry every time I see a little one unless it is a whitetail or a redback spider.
It helps to know that flying is one of the safest forms of travel, with a one-in-12 million chance of crashing. Likewise, although I don’t try to stand in an open field with a metal pole during a storm, it does help to know that being killed by lightning is nearly as rare, with a one-in-10.5 million chance.
Even though I’m not particularly eager to watch it pierce my skin, needles don’t hurt nearly as much as I used to imagine, and the pain goes away almost immediately after the injection. Bacteria is everywhere, so I couldn’t avoid germs entirely even if I tried.
If I ever feel a bit trapped or panicky the next time I dive, it will help to remind myself that I have done it before. I have my open water certificate and the skills from this, and what I’m doing is pretty safe as long as I don’t panic and follow my training.
Just because we are afraid of something, it doesn’t mean we have to avoid it for the rest of our lives. But we don’t have to face our fears every time either, especially if it is not harming our quality of life. So if you determine it would be good to challenge yourself and try to overcome a fear, I hope the steps outlined above help, and I’d love to hear about any success stories in the comments.
Tom Butler-Bowden’s book ’50 Success Classics: Winning Wisdom for Work & Life from 50 Landmark Books’ suggests ten characteristics that successful people have. They are:
1. An optimistic outlook
In ‘Learned Optimism,’ Martin Seligman shows that having an optimistic mindset or favourable expectations towards the future leads to better mental and physical health. Upbeat individuals have better immune functioning and are less likely to develop depression (Carver et al., 2010). They are also more likely to persevere in tough challenges and are more likely to experience psychological growth following a traumatic experience (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2009). Optimism can also reduce mortality rates over four years (Galatzer-Levy & Bonanno, 2014) and forty years (Brummett, Helms, Dahlstrom, & Siegler, 2006).
The good news is that you can develop an optimistic mindset. A recent meta-analysis by Malouff and Schutte (2016) showed that across 29 studies, an individual’s optimism level does significantly increase with training. The most effective way to do this is with the ‘Best Possible Self’ intervention:
“Imagine yourself in the future after everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded in accomplishing all the goals of your life …” — Boselie et al., 2014, p. 335
Optimism training works. However, it would be best to keep it up as the benefits typically wane once the intervention has finished.
2. A definite aim, purpose, or vision
“The primary cause of success in life is the ability to set and achieve goals. That’s why the people who do not have goals are doomed forever to work for the people who do. You either work to achieve your own goals or work to achieve someone else’s.”
Brian Tracy
Although I like this quote, Stephen Covey provides a caveat when he says that there is no point exerting all of your energy climbing up a ladder leaning against the wrong wall. First, we must determine where it is that we would like to climb.
“The key to prospering and adapting in the coming decades amidst an ever-escalating rate of change is to first be clear about and resolutely dedicated to what you stand for and why that should never change. You must then be just as resolutely willing to change absolutely everything else.”
J.W. Marriott Jr.
Successful people are clear on what their values are and what they stand for before taking purposeful action. Values clarification and committed action are two of the six essential components of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, with the other four elements focused on teaching clients mindfulness skills. According to the American Psychological Association, ACT has strong research support for chronic pain and modest research support for depression, anxiety, OCD and psychosis.
Chase and colleagues (2013) found that goal setting alone did not affect students grade point averages (GPAs) across a semester. However, it did when they provided training in values clarification alongside goal setting—furthermore, clarifying values before setting goals also significantly reduced the dropout rate of these students the following semester (Chase et al., 2013).
3. A willingness to work hard and persevere
“There is absolutely no limit to what plain, ordinary people can accomplish if they’re given the opportunity and the encouragement and the incentive to do their best. It takes risk, hard work, knowing where you want to go and being willing to do what it takes to get there.”
Sam Walton
Professor Angela Duckworth studied the West Point Military Academy students over some years and determined which ones graduated. She knew that each cadet admitted to West Point was intelligent, physically fit, with excellent grades and test scores. However, she was also aware that nearly 6% of the cadets dropped out during the first seven weeks (Beast Barracks training), and one-fifth dropped out before graduation.
Eventually, Duckworth identified two qualities that were more predictive than anything else for determining which students made it to the end: 1. passion and 2. perseverance. Together, they make up a quality known as grit. People who score high in grit are much more likely to put in the effort required, do whatever it takes and persist until they succeed. She has since found that grit is a great predictor of success in other areas too.
“Often we are caught in a mental trap of seeing enormously successful people and thinking they are where they are because they have some special gift. Yet a closer look shows that the greatest gift that extraordinarily successful people have over the average person is their ability to get themselves to take action.”
Anthony Robbins
4. Discipline to work until goals are achieved
“Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage… Genuine success requires both courage and character — patience, discipline and rationality.”
Claude Bristol
Duckworth and colleagues (2010) have also researched self-discipline and show that you need to sustain this for long-term commitment and implementation. Without this self-discipline, adolescents struggle to set long-term goals and strive towards them.
Fortunately, it can be improved using two strategies:
Mental contrasting — elaborate upon a future that you desire with the relevant obstacles that you currently face.
Implementation intentions — identify the action you will take when an opportunity arises that is relevant to your goal.
Compared to a control writing exercise, eleventh-grade students who spent 30-minutes writing on the above two strategies completed over 60% more practice questions in preparation for a high-stakes exam. Because of the writing exercises, they had a higher level of self-discipline in pursuing a meaningful goal (Duckworth et al., 2010). Over time, self-discipline can result in higher knowledge, deeper understanding, and better results and grades.
“The first step on the road to success is good character. The second is openness to new perspectives. The third is ensuring that daily action is shaped by higher aims, with the knowledge that you always reap what you sow.”
Stephen Covey
5. An integrated mind utilising both logic and intuition
In his excellent book “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, Daniel Kahneman talks about our two systems of interpreting the world.
The first one, appropriately named ‘system one,’ is perceived quickly, instinctual, and generally our emotional reaction or intuition. ‘System two’ takes more effort and time to access but is also more rational and logical.
As Kahneman shows in his research, people typically use heuristics when making decisions or judgments. Heuristics are generally adequate but not optimal solutions to severe problems. Heuristics use our first system and help us conserve brainpower, but they are only accurate about 80% of the time.
Successful people can utilise both system one and system two. System one is excellent if the decision has minimal long-term consequences, such as what to have for dinner. If the decision has potentially significant implications, however, such as whether or not to buy a house or change jobs, the more energy depleting and accurate system two will be better, even if it takes more time to come up with the correct answer for you.
“Stroll through the open spaces of time to the center of opportunity. Wise hesitation ripens success and brings secrets to maturity. The crutch of time can do more than the steely club of Hercules.. Fortune gives large rewards to those who wait.”
Baltasar Gracian
6. Prolific reading
Reading fiction is great for developing empathy towards others. It provides an opportunity to see inside the characters heads and experience their inner world in a way that you often don’t get in movies or TV shows. It helps develop imagination, as the brain creates the visual images that it reads in words on the page. Thirty minutes of reading can significantly reduce stress, as indicated by lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure and lowered heart rate (Rizzolo, Zipp, Stiskal & Simpkins, 2009).
I love reading non-fiction because I can learn from experts in psychology and related fields for such a low cost. If I were to see them give a talk or book a one-on-one consult, I might be paying up to $1000, and it would only be scratching the surface of all of the fantastic knowledge that they have accumulated in their lives. That is if I could even get a chance to see them. A book in comparison is $30 or less and contains the majority of their pearls of wisdom in one place. Sure, some books can take a while to get through. However, the value for money and knowledge gained is worth it.
“The movers and the shakers of the world are often professional modellers — people who have mastered the art of learning everything they can by following other people’s experiences rather than their own.”
Anthony Robbins
7. The willingness to take risks
There is a big difference between constantly engaging in risky behaviour and being willing to take risks when it is a sound decision to make. Someone like Sir Richard Branson has taken many chances with his Virgin empire, and if it weren’t for these risks, he wouldn’t have been able to expand and grow at the level that he has. For optimal success, you need to take some degree of risk.
“People that don’t risk anything will inevitably find themselves behind those that do. You can lead a change or it can lead you.”
J.W. Marriott Jr.
However, recent research on female and male CEOs supports the notion that too much risk isn’t a good thing either. Faccio, Marchica and Mura (2016) found that firms run by male CEOs tend to make riskier decisions, with generally higher leverage and more volatile earnings than firms run by female CEOs. They are also less likely to remain in operation than firms run by female CEOs (Faccio et al., 2016). More significant risks may lead to higher growth but also a higher risk of overall collapse.
8. Understanding the power of expectation
Successful people think big instead of small and believe that they can achieve anything they set their mind to, even if it takes more effort, setbacks and time than they initially envisioned. Furthermore, look out if thinking big combines grit, a growth mindset, and the right timing. There’s no saying how much someone could achieve.
“When our attitude toward ourselves is big, and our attitude towards others is generous and merciful, we attract big and generous portions of success.”
Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone
Research indicates that individuals who believe they can improve are more likely to grow (Bergsma, 2008). Higher expectations strengthen hope, increase determination and goal completion (Geraghty, Wood, & Hyland, 2010). Higher expectations of the outcome can also improve distress tolerance (Williams, Thompson, & Andrews, 2013).
9. Developing mastery in what is most important to them
“The world does not dictate what you shall do, but it does require that you be a master in whatever you undertake.”
Orison Swett Marden
While it may be tempting to try to learn as many different things as possible, the saying “jack of all trades; master of none” often becomes the consequence for people that try to take on too many different projects or career paths all at once.
Warren Buffett once said to his pilot that he should write down the top 25 things he wanted to do in life. Then circle his top 5 priorities and label items 6–25 as “avoid at all costs” until you complete items 1–5.
Reaching mastery can take a long time. In many cases, up to 10,000 hours of deliberate practice, as proposed by Malcolm Gladwell and Anders Ericsson. Ten thousand hours equates to nearly 7 hours a day of deliberate practice, every day, for four straight years. So it makes sense not to spread yourself too thin unless you want to develop mastery in nothing.
“I believe the true road to pre-eminent success in any line is to make yourself master of that line. I have no faith in the policy of scattering one’s resources.”
Andrew Carnegie
10. Well-roundedness and balance
Developing proficiency and accumulating achievements in one area of your life may not mean much if you are not a success as a person.
“No kind action is ever lost. You will be indebted to these trifles for some of the happiest attentions and the most pleasing incidents of (your) life.”
Andrew Carnegie
After watching ‘The Founder’ movie based on the life of Ray Kroc, I was appalled by how willing he was to trample on anyone in his way throughout his pursuit of wealth and power without a second thought. He ignored his first wife, poached the wife of another business associate, didn’t keep his word, and screwed the initial founders of McDonald’s for millions of dollars annually.
Ray Kroc was also a workaholic, with his famous catchphrase “if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean” still repeated throughout McDonald’s franchises worldwide.
“Without time for recovery, our lives become a blur of doing unbalanced by much opportunity for being.”
Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz
Suppose you dedicate no time to personal growth, spiritual growth, health, relaxation, leisure, relationships and community. Then, it would become tough to have the well-being, vitality, meaning and support required to achieve ongoing success.
My two cents
Remember, relationship warmth is the number one predictor of long-term health and happiness, not how much money you have in the bank or how hard you have worked.
Focus on building genuine connections and a sense of belonging with others who embrace you for who you are. Don’t let old friendships go by if they give you these things.
“Various scientific studies have proven that if you learn how to deal with other people, you will have gone about 85% of the way down the road to success in any business, occupation, or profession, and about 99% of the way down the road to personal happiness.”
Les Giblin
Try to be kind, compassionate, patient and accepting to others, but also yourself. No one is perfect, and we all fall into the same traps time and time again. However, if you can learn from these mistakes, you will improve and grow.
Lastly, try to accumulate positive experiences, not things. Materialism and consumerism are empty pursuits, void of meaning and purpose. Doing fun, new or helpful things alongside the people you love never is.
After writing blog posts for the last eight years, I find it quite interesting to see which articles are immediately successful and which remain successful over a long period.
The most popular blog post that I have written since 2015 is titled ‘How Have Intimate Relationships Changed Over the Years, and Where Does it Leave Us Now?’. It was first published in May 2016 and did okay initially. However, it continued to build over time, and its most successful month for post views was April 2018, nearly two years after it was first released.
Most posts tend to track like the typical movies at the cinema, a book at the book store, or a song at the record store (back when they still existed). Their biggest week of views (or sales) tends to occur right near the start, and a lousy opening release indicates that the overall views (or sales) aren’t likely to be that great either. Very rarely, this isn’t the case.
Movies
At boxofficemojo.com, they even talk about and predict opening multipliers for films or how much a movie will gross compared to its opening weekend takings. One of the most significant drops was the remake of ‘Friday the 13th’ in 2009. It grossed over $40 million in the first week, less than $8 million in the second week, and only $65 million all up on the US Box office. It was a multiplier of only 1.625, indicating no staying power. Essentially, anyone who wanted to see it saw it as soon as it came out, and that was it.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, you have ‘La La Land’, which started with just over $9 million in ticket sales in the US in the first week, but over $12.5 million the second week and more than $151 million at the US box office all up. Good reviews and Oscar buzz must have played a bit of a role, as its overall take was nearly 17 times that of its opening weekend. In 2005, ‘Sideways’ produced a multiplier of almost 30 times its opening weekend, and ‘Titanic’ and ‘ET’ remained at #1 at the US Box office for 15 and 16 weeks, respectively.
Avatar is the highest-grossing movie of all time worldwide. It stayed in release for 238 days and grossed 2.924 billion dollars. Titanic, released in 1997, is still the fourth highest-grossing movie worldwide. Avatar: The Way of Water is third. James Cameron directed all three movies. He knows how to make films that impact people.
Songs
In the UK, Wet Wet Wet pulled their song ‘Love is All Around’ after 15 weeks at number 1 on the charts, and Gnarls Barkly did the same with their song ‘Crazy’ after nine weeks at #1. Maybe they worried about being one-hit wonders. Can anyone remember any of their other songs?
Other songs may not have even been that big at the time but continue to be hits months and years after first being released. For example, ‘Mr Brightside’ by the Killers, ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol and ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra never even reached number 1 on the UK charts but remained in the top 100 singles chart for 203, 166 and 133 weeks in total respectively.
Books
‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho stands out like no other with books. Initially, sales were so slow when first published in Portuguese in 1988 that the publisher gave back the author’s rights after a year. Since then, it has gone on to win over 100 international awards, been translated into 80 languages, and sold over 65 million. Publishers also rejected Harry Potter 12 times before it was finally accepted and sold millions of copies worldwide.
So how do some movies, books and songs defy the odds and have seemingly miraculous staying power? I’m not sure if the exact reason is fully known, but it does seem to be that they all make an emotional impact on the audience and come out at the right place and the right time to have the effect that they do. One year earlier or later, and the same magic just may not be recreated. It’s why remakes often fail.
What if you could recreate that, though? Are there particular elements that all big successes have? That helps things go viral? That leads to the box office or New York Times bestselling gold?
What Makes Ideas Hang Around?
Most watched videos on YouTube of All-Time:
Baby Shark = 9.58 billion views (released June 2016)
Despacito = 7.61 billion views (released January 2017)
Johny Johny Yes Papa = 5.85 billion views (released October 2016)
Shape of You = 5.51 billion views (released January 2017)
See You Again = 5.31 billion views (released April 2015)
Bath Song = 4.60 billion views (released May 2018)
Learning Colors — Colorful Eggs on a Farm = 4.53 billion views (released February 2018)
Masha and the Bear — Recipe for Disaster = 4.47 billion views (released January 2012)
Uptown Funk = 4.34 billion views (released November 2014)
Phonics Song With Two Words = 4.27 billion views (released March 2014)
Gangnam Style = 4.24 billion views (released July 2012)
Looking at the above list of the most-watched videos on YouTube, are there any similarities that seem evident to you?
Yes. All of the top 11 are either music videos or videos for children. So there is something about these videos that make adults and children want to watch them again and again. But what is it?
In their book ‘Made to Stick’, Chip and Dan Heath show that any successful idea has two essential qualities:
It is memorable, and
People are eager to pass it onwards
They also say that successful ideas have the following six elements: the acronym SUCCES. They are:
S — Simple: They manage to uncover the core of the idea and don’t complicate it too much beyond that. Like a boy survives evil, but his parents don’t; gets rescued from an awful family; goes to wizard school, and is the one chosen to save the day.
U — Unexpected: They surprise people and grab their attention by doing something unexpected. ‘Gangnam Style’ definitely did this.
C — Concrete: They make sure an idea can be grasped and remembered later. Like this plot: Poor boy meets rich girl on a big boat; they fall in love; the ship hits an iceberg and sinks; the rich girl doesn’t share the door; the poor boy dies.
C — Credible: They make an idea believable or give it credibility. Expert or celebrity testimonials in ads might be the best example of this.
E — Emotional: They help people see the importance of an idea. Watch ‘Sugar’ by Maroon 5, and you’ll know that it has a clear emotional tone (surprise, joy), and the message is unmistakable (Having a famous band turn up to play at your wedding would make a pretty cool story to tell the grandkids one day).
S — Story: They empower people to use an idea through the power of a story. Would you please think of how successful Marvel has been with their movies through the power of storytelling and how DC hasn’t quite managed the same? ‘Batman vs Superman’ sucked.
Yes, I am aware that they didn’t include a final S in their acronym, but maybe that is Heath’s way of being unexpected. Nevertheless, I still find it annoying.
If you found any of this information memorable or valuable, please feel free to share it or pass it on to others. This post probably won’t be the next ‘Mr Brightside’, and that’s okay by me. I’m happy to compromise.
Derek Sivers seems like a pretty cool guy. On his website, he calls himself a musician, producer, circus performer, entrepreneur, TED speaker, and book publisher. He started a company called CDBaby and made millions from this. He then gave the company to charity, resulting in millions of dollars subsequently being used to help up-and-coming musical artists who need some monetary support to try and realise their dreams.
Sivers also reads a lot of non-fiction books that are focused on psychology, self-help and self-improvement. He has little reviews of these books on his website and gives them a score out of 10, which is great if you are in need of a recommendation of what to read.
In 2016, Sivers tried to summarise all of the key points that he obtained from reading so many non-fiction books. These key points were put into “do this” directives for him as a personal guide to various aspects of life. The directives were first brought to the public’s attention in his episode of the hugely popular ‘Tim Ferriss Show’ podcast. Because of the demand for the remainder of these lists, they were shared on Derek’s website sivers.org. He also plans on doing more with these directives in the future, including potentially writing his own book.
Below are his directives, as well as my opinion of them. Directives that I completely agree with will be in green. Directives that I disagree with or that go against scientific research will be in red.
How to be useful to others:
Get famous
Do everything in public and for the public.
The more people you reach, the more useful you are.
The opposite is hiding, which is of no use to everyone.
Get rich
Money is neutral proof you’re adding value to people’s lives.
So, by getting rich, you’re being useful as a side effect.
Once rich, spend the money in ways that are even more useful to others.
Then, getting rich is double useful.
Share strong opinions
Strong opinions are very useful to others.
Those who were undecided or ambivalent can just adopt your stance.
But those who disagree can solidify their stance by arguing against yours.
Be expensive
People given a placebo pill were twice as likely to have their pain disappear when told the pill was expensive.
People who paid more for tickets were more likely to attend the performance.
People who spend more for a product or service value it more, and get more use out of it.
WHAT I THINK: While there are a lot of famous and rich people who are useful to other people, there are many others who are not. What is true is that if you are famous and rich, you have the potential to have more influence on others and do more positive things, such as Bill and Melinda Gates. You also have the potential to negatively influence more people too, such as Donald Trump. What you do with that power and exposure is up to you.
You can also make a difference to others without being rich or famous. Don’t underestimate the difference you can make as a teacher or coach or parent or volunteer or community member or any other role where you interact with others on a regular basis. If you charge more, people will value your services more, you will earn more money and then have a greater chance to be useful to others.
Do try to be informed before sharing your opinions publicly. Look at all the damage Jenny McCarthy did by sharing her opinions on vaccines and autism.
How to get rich:
Live where luck strikes
Live where everything is happening.
Live where the money is flowing.
Live where careers are being made.
Live where your role models live.
Once there, be as in the game as anyone can be.
Be right in the middle of everything.
Say yes to everything
Meet everyone.
Pursue every opportunity.
Nothing is too small. Do it all.
Like lottery tickets, you never know which one will win. So the more, the better.
Not pursued on their own, they’re skills that multiply the success of your main pursuit (e.g., A pilot who’s also a great writer and public speaker; A chef with a mastery of psychology, persuasion and design).
These skills multiply the results of your efforts, and give you an edge over others in your field.
Pursue market value, not personal value
Do what pays well.
Do not be the starving artist, working on things that have great personal value to you, but little market value.
Follow the money. It tells you where you’re most valuable.
Don’t try to make a career out of everything you love. For example, sex.
Shamelessly imitate success
Imitate the best strategies of your competitors.
The market doesn’t care about your personal need to be unique.
It’s selfless and humble to use the best ideas regardless of source, to create the best service or product for your clients.
Get great at executing other people’s ideas as well as your own.
Be the owner, not just the inventor
It’s tempting to try to be the ideas person, having someone else do the dirty work of making those ideas happen.
Ideas don’t make you rich. Great execution of ideas does.
A rule of capitalism: whoever takes the most financial risk gets the rewards.
The biggest rewards will always go to those that fund it and own it.
To get rich, be the owner. Own as close to 100% as possible.
Benefit from human nature
Instead of complaining about the downside of human nature, find ways to benefit from it.
Instead of complaining about the rules, just learn the game, then play it.
WHAT I THINK: To get rich, it is important to know how humans think and act, and to find ways to benefit from this instead of wishing for things to be different. It is useful to see what has worked for others, to learn how to do things in this way first, and then to adapt the best things so that what you are doing is authentically yours. It is important to try to own the product or service you are trying to sell. If you don’t do this, your earning potential will always be capped and will generally always be less than your bosses.
While it is true that people need to be willing to spend money in order to make money, it’s not just about taking financial risks. There are many broke people out there who have spent too much on bad ideas. Figure out how to test your ideas or products first to see how the market responds before investing too much in it, and don’t be afraid to make changes or start over again if a better opportunity presents itself. Ideally we aren’t just doing something for the money. If we love it, are good at it and it makes a lot, you will be much happier than doing something just because you know that it pays well.
While it is true that we don’t know which opportunities will necessarily work out, we also can’t make much progress if we are saying yes to everyone and everything. Meet and connect with the right people who are not just out for themselves until you find a great idea. Then pursue this project for a set period until you know if it is likely to make you rich or not. If not, jump ship as soon as you realise it and keep brainstorming and connecting and saying yes until you find your next great idea. Once you have this, learning how to prioritise and say no may be even more important than always saying yes. Same with being in the middle of everything. It’s good until you know which path you want to go down. Once you know, distance from others can be just as good until an idea has been executed.
The last bit of advice that isn’t here is don’t gamble or invest in get rich quick schemes. Use debit cards instead of credit cards. Don’t buy the most expensive insurance options. Do invest in index funds and other trustworthy stocks regularly and as early as you can and don’t change them around too much. Compounding interest will help you to gain a lot of money over time. But having heaps of money beyond what you need to meet your basic needs isn’t likely to make you a lot happier in the long run.
How to thrive in an unknowable future:
Prepare for the worst
Since you have no idea what the future may bring, be open to the best and the worst.
But the best case scenario doesn’t need your preparation or your attention.
So mentally and financially prepare for the worst case, instead.
Like insurance, don’t obsess on it. Just prepare, then carry on appreciating the good times.
Expect disaster
Every biography of a successful person has that line, “And then, things took a turn for the worse.”
Fully expect that disaster to come to you at any time.
Completely assume it’s going to happen, and make your plans accordingly.
Not just money, but health, family, freedom. Expect it all to disappear.
Besides, you appreciate things more when you know this may be your last time seeing them.
Own as little as possible
Depend on even less.
The less you own, the less you’re affected by disaster.
Choose opportunity, not loyalty
Have no loyalty to location, corporation, or your past public statements.
Be an absolute opportunist, doing whatever is best for the future in the current situation, unbound by the past.
Have loyalty for only your most important human relationships.
Choose the plan with the most options
The best plan is the one that lets you change your plans.
Example: renting a house is buying the option to move at any time without losing money in a changing market.
Avoid planning
For maximum options, don’t plan at all.
Since you have no idea how the situation or your mood may change in the future, wait until the last moment to make each decision.
WHAT I THINK: It’s good to be creative, flexible, adaptable and open to change. These characteristics will become even more important in the future, because change is likely to continue to happen at an even faster and faster pace. People back in the 14th century kind of knew what to expect by the 15th century, but most people living now have no idea what life is likely to look like in the 22nd century. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t plan, and it definitely doesn’t mean that we should only plan for the worst. Life has continued to get better and better in so many ways, and it is likely to continue to get better in many ways too. It doesn’t mean it can’t get worse, but we shouldn’t all become doomsday preppers or not buy anything in case disaster strikes. Try to only buy the things you need that will help add value to your life.
Especially if you have kids, stability is good, so don’t be afraid to set up roots. Buy a house, start a business where you live, and develop friendships with other people in your neighbourhood. Some people may leave, businesses may collapse, marriages may crumble, but research still indicates that people have more satisfied relationships if they get married than if they live together but don’t get married. Married men are also both happier and healthier than single men. Divorce negatively impacts kids, especially if there is a lot of conflict, and learning how to overcome difficulties is better than always avoiding things or running away as soon as things get tough or another seemingly desirable option presents itself. We always think the grass is greener on the other side, but when we get there it’s often not as shiny or as different as we first thought (or better than we’ve previously had).
Essentially, having plans and making commitments is better than having none, as long as you are also open to making tweaks and even big changes if things really aren’t working out. Research indicates that having too many options makes it too hard to choose and not making a decision can be really stressful and both physically and emotionally draining. Research also indicates that we tend to become happier with our choices over time once we have made them, as long as we commit to our choices and don’t keep trying to doubt ourselves or leave all the other doors open too.
How to like people:
Assume it’s their last day
Everyone talks about living like it’s your last day on earth.
Instead, to appreciate someone, live like it’s their last day on earth.
Treat them accordingly. Try to fulfill their dreams for the day.
Really listen to them. Learn from them.
Be who’d you’d be when alone
You could live in a crowd, pleasing only others.
You could live in solitude, pleasing only yourself.
But ideally, when in a crowd, be the same person you’d be when alone.
Assume men and women are the same
Men think women are so different from them.
Women think men are so different from them.
But the differences among men and differences among women are far greater than the differences between men and women.
So, counteract your tendency to exaggerate the differences.
Always make new friends
As you grow old and change, old friends and family will be unintentionally invested in maintaining you as you were before.
Let go of people that don’t welcome and encourage your change.
Avoid harming the relationship
For long-term relationship success, it’s more effective than seeking the positive.
A friendship that may take years to develop can be ruined by a single action.
Act calm and kind
Regardless of how you feel
Don’t try to change them
unless they asked you to.
Don’t teach a lesson.
Stop trying to change people who don’t think they have a problem.
Find wisdom in your opponents
Really engage with those who think opposite of you.
You already know the ideas common on your own side.
Purge the vampires
Get rid of people that drain you, that don’t make you feel good about yourself.
They make you hate all people.
WHAT I THINK: It is great to really try to appreciate others, and understanding that some people may die soon is a helpful way to ensure that we don’t take others for granted. The Tail End by Tim Urban is an awesome blog post that nicely highlights how little time we actually have left with the important people in our lives. We should try to make the most of our time with them while we still have it so we don’t regret it later.
We can learn a lot from others if we ask them about their life and experiences and beliefs and really listen, even if they have different ways of looking at things to us. But we shouldn’t try to give advice or teach lessons to others unless someone has asked or agreed to it first (or they’re reading your blog post!).
While it is good to minimise how much time we spend with people that drain us or make us feel bad or don’t accept us for who we are, it is also important to try and maintain our old friendships too. Having both old friends and family to keep us grounded and new friends to help us learn and grow is having the best of both worlds.
Men and women are different in some ways, and it is important to understand how and why. Of course we should still see each other as individuals and not just a gender, but this is the same with people who come from a different culture, ethnicity, nationality, religion and any other group that is different to yours. If we can understand group norms, it can help us to understand others a little bit better, but we should also be willing to change our perceptions of others based on what they say and do, rather than hold onto rigid, unhelpful or even discriminatory stereotypes.
While it’s not possible to always be 100% ourselves around others, the more authentic we can be the more we will feel energised around others and connected with them. Similarly, we shouldn’t always act calm if we really are upset or angry or worried and need to express our feelings or what we need. What we can do is express this in a way that is still kind and considerate so that you don’t unnecessarily burn any bridges.
Thanks for reading! For more advice on a good life, feel free to check out some of my other articles, especially: Can We Develop Our Own Guide to Better Living?; 10 Bits of Advice I’d Give My 10-Year-Old Self; Ten Traits of Highly Successful People; 25 Ideas That Could Change Your Life.
It’s quite strange. Yesterday, I managed to finish off the last thing on my to-do list for the week. For the first time in a long time, I had nothing that I had to do. Sure, there are some things that I would like to do in the future. However, nothing required me to take any steps towards them until Friday next week. This is definitely the first time that this has been the case in 2021. I’m not even sure if I reached this point at all in 2020.
I feel lighter to have all of these items gone. They are no longer hanging over my head or telling me that I shouldn’t be relaxing when I am. But I also feel a bit lost. Today, I have already done my morning meditation, journaling, Elevate brain training and Duolingo French language training. I then did my daily weight training, hips and balance exercises, and went outside and walked 10,000 steps. I shopped for the food I needed at the local supermarket, meal prepped for the next few days, and cleaned up my place.
I then tried to relax and watch some TV and a movie, but both of these activities already felt boring. One of my friend’s said that he had clocked Netflix because of this pandemic. I haven’t, but the returns of these activities are definitely diminishing.
My brain told me that I would feel amazing, no longer having anything that I needed to do. But I do not. So now, having just eaten half a salad and a tasty Magnum ice cream, I find myself here at the computer putting down my thoughts into words.
Exactly how I feel now is why I tell my clients not just to live their lives by their goals. Sure, having things to aim for is great. So is hitting these targets and crossing these items off our to-do lists. It gives us a nice little surge of dopamine and fires up the reward pathways in our brain when we achieve something. And our brains feel good for a temporary moment until we start searching for the next target to hit.
But it is never-ending and generally always future-focused. We think, once I have achieved this, then I will be happy. But then we meet this goal, and our brain says, “great… what’s next?” We begin looking again to the future for the imaginary thing that will make us happy and satisfied forever once we achieve it.
Unfortunately, the long-term rewards of this future goal are mostly a mirage. Our brains telling us that it will satisfy us forever helps us not give up pursuing the goal. However, once we have achieved it, the reward is fleeting and less satisfying than we imagined beforehand. This is because dopamine is more about desire than reward.
Imagine if we were forever satisfied after achieving a goal. I doubt that our ancestors would have lasted long enough to reproduce. A slightly unsatisfied person, always craving for more and an ideal future that never comes. Those humans are the ones that will keep moving, growing, meeting and breeding. And now, here we are…
As I have already said, a goal is set for the future. You want to lose weight, buy a house, run a marathon, or climb Mount Everest. As an extension of this, you are saying that you lack something in the present when you set a goal. You are heavier than you want to be. You don’t have the house that you want to be in. You haven’t run the marathon this year, and you are yet to climb the tallest mountain in the world.
Values are different to goals. Values are followed in the present. They are guiding principles for life. You are either living by them at the moment, or you are not.
By clarifying why you want to achieve your specific goals, you can determine if you are living by these values in the present or not. Let’s take the first example. You might want to lose weight because you value looking attractive, but I want to lose weight because I value being healthy. I have lost weight through not eating much, not exercising and taking diet pills. The goal has been achieved, and if it was you, you might even live by your values. But I am not. Deep down, I would know that I am not healthy, and even if I have lost some weight, I would feel inconsistent rather than consistent with what is most important to me.
You might want to climb Mount Everest because your husband is too and you value doing things together, whereas I am training for it because I value pushing myself to reach my potential. We both head off on the expedition, and we can’t climb beyond base camp because our guide says that the weather is too bad for the next few weeks. Because I am unable to live by my value, I feel disappointed and unhappy. Because you are still consistent with yours, you are happy and don’t mind getting to enjoy your downtime in Nepal with the love of your life.
What Do You Want Your Legacy to Be?
This question needs to be asked more often, in my opinion. I’m not too sure how many people could answer this clearly and succinctly. But if we aren’t clear on what principles or values are most important to us, how are we meant to decide if we are on the right path or not? How will we know if what we are doing is time well spent or just a waste of time?
Imagine that you have lived your whole life and have recently died. Someone really close to you has decided to bury you, and they are deciding what will be written on your gravestone. What would you want them to write?
If you aren’t sure what you would want your legacy to be about, this question can often help. Even though I would prefer to be cremated instead of buried, the main thought that pops into my head when I think of this exercise is:
“Here lies Damon…He tried his best”
Maybe that is cliched or lame, but it highlights that a core value in my life is around effort. I care much less about how much I manage to achieve in my life. I want to know that I gave things a proper go and put in the effort required. That I focused on the process of what I am doing, which is within my control, rather than the outcome, which is often outside of it.
Your 80th Birthday Party
If thinking about after your own death is too morbid an exercise for you, this thought experiment may be more appealing. Imagine that it is your 80th birthday party, and all of your closest family and friend’s are there to celebrate the life you have had so far. Someone close to you stands up and tells everyone in the crowd about the person you have been from now until your 80th birthday. What would you want to hear them say about you? I’d love to hear my partner’s daughter stand up and say:
“Even though I wasn’t convinced about Damon initially, he’s turned out to be a pretty cool role model as a father figure for me. He’s consistently been there for me and tried his best to be emotionally supportive and understand me and what I was going through. Damon’s always wanted the best for me in life, and I could feel this. But he also didn’t care if I won things or where I came as long as I was willing to try and give new things a go. Damon was always willing to do things for me and be there when I needed him to help or listen. But he also didn’t do things for me if he knew that it would be better for me to give something a go and learn how to do it myself. Damon encouraged me to explore the world and not be held back by fear. He also offered a safe space with mum to come back to when I needed comfort, care and support. I’m glad that Damon came into my life, and I am happy about the person I am today partly because of the role that he has played. Above all, I feel loved for who I am by Damon, no matter what, and that is a pretty cool thing to have. So thank you, and happy 80th birthday!”
Your answer to this question should help you clarify what values are most important to you or what you would like your legacy to be about. Based on the above passage, I want to be a good role model as a father, present, supportive, understanding, encouraging, helpful, loving and unconditional. Many people think of their legacy in terms of work, but is that really what you value most in this life?
In her excellent post and subsequent book, Bronnie Ware shared her top five regrets of people who were dying. Having worked as a palliative care nurse for several years, Bronnie identified them as:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This list highlights that my life was imbalanced before I had my stroke in January. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was separated from my partner and her daughter back in Vanuatu on March 20th, 2020. I could not see any of my friends or colleagues back there and did not say a proper goodbye to them. Thanks to the months of lockdowns in Melbourne, I could not do many things I enjoyed or see my friends and family here in Australia that I wanted to either. I was working too much for too long each day, spending too much time on my phone and watching TV, and wasn’t eating as healthily or being as active as I wanted to be.
What about you?
How Much of the Day Are You Spending in the Way that You Want?
For this exercise, draw a pie chart of what a typical workday looks like for you and another pie chart for what a typical day off looks like. It doesn’t matter what time you go to bed or get out of bed or start and finish work, because the whole pie represents 24 hours.
When you are drawing your two pie charts, think about:
How much time are you just in the moment vs trying to do things for a better future?
How much are you socialising and connecting with others, including family and friends?
How much time are you spending inside vs outside in nature?
How much are you dedicating towards being physically fit or exercising?
How much time are you resting, sleeping and relaxing?
How much are you dedicating towards doing creative or fun vs passive hobbies?
How much time are you working and doing tasks related to work?
Above is an example pie chart that I drew up in less than five minutes, so it really doesn’t have to take a long time. For some people, their workdays and non-workdays are very similar. For others, their weekend’s are spent very differently. There are no right or wrong answers. The key is to draw down what is typical for you.
Now that these pie charts have been drawn up, reflect and ask yourself:
Are there things that you would like to do more of?
Are there things that you would like to do less of?
What’s making it hard or stopping you from making these changes?
Once you have identified what you want to change and why the most important thing is getting out there and starting. Behavioural change is hard, especially at the start. But as Zig Ziglar says, “no one just walks around and finds themselves atop Mount Everest“. If you try something new and get stuck, my next blog post will give you a few tips and tricks to overcome these barriers.
The best thing about living by our values instead of just chasing after goals is that this can happen at any chosen moment. It doesn’t have to be New Years Day, and it doesn’t have to take a long time. I want to be more creative and present and connect more with those I care most about starting now. I don’t want work, focusing on the future or distractions on my phone or TV to get in the way.
I recently interviewed my brother, Kurt Ashworth, who is an Audiologist in Ballarat, Australia. Here are his answers to some of the main questions I asked him:
1. What does an audiologist do?
Audiologists are communication experts. We specialise in testing and diagnosing hearing loss and can also specialise in testing balance function. Audiologists can help people of all ages experiencing hearing loss testing and diagnosing the type and degree of hearing loss and prescribing and programming hearing devices if appropriate, providing hearing rehabilitation and communication strategies and utilising other assistive technologies to improve their ability to hear and more effectively communicate.
2. What led to your interest in Audiology?
After an undergraduate degree in science with a major in psychology, that pathway did not interest me to pursue further, I stumbled across audiology and it seemed like a good mix of informational counselling and the utilisation of technology to improve peoples communication. The hearing devices and cochlear implants keep improving their capabilities to the point where they can now also work as Bluetooth headphones, an ai assistant in your ears and a fitness tracking device as well as improving the patients hearing.
3. How can Audiology help to improve someone’s quality of life?
As discussed, a lot of our patients can have long-standing hearing issues that have not been diagnosed or corrected. Hearing devices, assistive listening devices and cochlear implants and sometimes surgery to correct the hearing problem can give back peoples ability to communicate more effectively with their loved ones and when out socially which is very impactful on peoples quality of life. We also know there are links to higher risk of dementia, falls and loneliness with untreated hearing loss so the opposite exists if the hearing issue can addressed with hearing devices or surgery.
4. What are some of the most rewarding parts of the job?
I really enjoy the journey of seeing a patient through from start to finish, diagnosing the problem, coming up with a treatment plan with their individual goals and difficulties in mind. Then seeing how the technology has improved their hearing and they can then start to reintroduce things in their life they had previously cut out due to their hearing.
5. Do you have to do much counseling as part of working as an Audiologist?
I would say the most important part and the majority of my job is counselling and teaching. The technology is great but you can have the worlds best hearing aids but without buy in from the patient, they sit in the draw. We need to counsel about what to expect, how to manage the devices and help to get optimal outcomes. Majority of our adult patients have inner ear loss/damage so we’re also counselling about residual hearing issues even with technology due to the damage In their hearing pathways. The hearing devices can only do so much.
6. At what age does hearing loss usually begin?
At any age, all babies in Victoria are now testing in hospital after birth before they are discharged. If they do not pass their newborn hearing screen, they are seen by a diagnostic audiologist for electrophysiological testing while the baby is asleep and can diagnose with good accuracy the level of hearing loss in each ear and refer this baby on to Hearing Australia for aiding by 4 weeks of age and if cochlear implants are needed, can be implanted around 6 months of age. A lot of children have hearing issues in childhood due to middle ear blockages that can impact on speech and language development. Some adults experience progressive hearing loss or noise induced hearing loss, majority of adults in their latter years, 65+ experience differing degrees of age related hearing loss.
7. What difference can a good pair of hearing aids make?
The majority of the hearing aids available from the top manufacturers now have directional microphones to help people hear better from in front, noise reduction to help make hearing in background noise more comfortable.
The most important function of a hearing aid is the ability to make speech louder so the sounds in speech are audible for the user without loud sounds being too loud and uncomfortable.
The skill of the audiologist in optimising the hearing and providing appropriate counselling and guidance is often just as important as the technology in the device. If someone is not getting on well with their hearing aids, get them readjusted and if you’re still struggling it maybe worth a second opinion and adjustment before considering purchasing new technology again.
If you are quoted a lot of money for hearing aids, ring around for other quotes, base level hearing aids retail for about $1000 for 1 device up to about $4000 for top of the range with plenty of options in between.
9. What is Tinnitus and what causes it?
Tinnitus is a head noise that the patient can hear that is not present in the environment. It can be present all the time or intermittently, it can be in just one ear or both.
The exact mechanism of tinnitus is still up for debate but tinnitus often indicates a problem in the hearing pathway and can be seen more as a symptom of something else rather than the cause. Tinnitus can be brought on due to wax occlusion, middle ear dysfunction and or inner ear (cochlear) hearing loss.
10. Can anything help Tinnitus if someone has it?
The first thing needed is a hearing test, that way we can clear out wax if needed, test where the issue is and refer on to an ear nose and throat specialist if required. If all medical concerns have been ruled out, both amplification and or sound enrichment can assist with tinnitus. Referral to a psychologist for CBT can also be helpful in the more severe cases. Good news is most peoples tinnitus is loudest and most bothersome initially and often improves and reduces in intensity and concern overtime even if it doesn’t go away completely.
11. Have you heard of Misophonia/ hyperacousis and does anyone know what causes it?
Misophonia is reasonably rare, I have only come across it a couple times in my career. It’s a hatred of sounds and can be something as common as the sound of their partners chewing or a clock ticking, even when these sounds are not loud. It’s more about the emotional response to these sounds rather than pain but can be very debilitating in extreme cases. Sometimes people will wear earplugs to reduce the outside sounds but not enough to completely block off their hearing.
Hyperacousis is more common and is a physical discomfort to loud sounds and often goes hand in hand with more severe losses and often losses due to noise damage. Hearing aids can be programmed to improve the usable hearing but reduce the intensity of these loud sounds to more comfortable levels.
12. Can Audiologists help with Misophonia?
Yes, A clinic in Heidelberg – DWM specialises in treating hyperacousis and misophonia and we refer on for the more severe cases.
13. What if someone sleeps next to a partner who snores? Can Audiologists help at all?
Yes, we do a number of custom made earplugs that can help for reducing the volume of snoring, work related noise and music etc.
14. What are your hopes for the field of Audiology in the future?
My hope would be more accessible services and devices for all, while cochlear implants can be provided through a combination of state and federal funding free of charge in Victoria, patients between 26 and 65 really have very little support financially in the purchase of hearing aids from the governments. This leads to alot of patients without the means to access good devices which can lead to untreated hearing issues.
On a more positive note, we a seeing a lot of convergence in audiology, where hearing devices are now doing much more than just improving hearing. Some brands have heart rate monitors in their aids, can detect falls and notify significant others if this occurs and the patients current location. Others brands are tracking steps and levels of social engagement, they can even translate from one language to another in real time in the ear which feels very James Bond. My hope is with all these technological advances, hearing devices and the associated stigma is reducing so people are more willing to do something about their hearing earlier.
15. Is someone is concerned about their hearing at all, what can they do?
Find a local independent audiologist and get a hearing test. Even if the test is only to provide for baseline hearing levels, this allows for tracking of any deterioration going forward.
16. Where do you work, and how do people get in touch?
I work at an independent clinic in Ballarat, Ballarat Hearing Clinic. We provide hearing testing from birth to 16 on behalf of the Ballarat base hospital through their outpatients services. We also see adults for hearing testing, aid fitting and adjustment and cochlear implant assessment and programming. You can find us most easily by searching Ballarat hearing clinic on google and clicking on our website for contact details. You don’t need a medical referral to see an audiologist.
It is possible to understand who you are and what you want in only three steps.
STEP ONE: Who am I?
To know what we want, we first need to figure out who we are (or, more accurately, what we see ourselves to be).
STEP TWO: What do I care about?
Once we know who we are, we must figure out what is important or meaningful to us (and what isn’t).
STEP THREE: How do I show that I care about these things?
We then need to figure out what actions to take and what systems or habits we can develop to help us live consistently by these values.
STEP ONE: Who Am I?
Our identity, or who we see ourselves as consists of many things.
It may include our name, family, nationality, ethnicity, or racial background. It could also have our culture, our class, our friends, our relationship status, our sexuality, our gender, or our religious beliefs. Finally, it could have where we live, work, what we do for work, our interests and hobbies, and what we like to do for fun or relaxation. Most people can answer these descriptive questions about themselves quickly.
Different factors can shape the overall identity of one person much more than they do for others. For example, a cisgender straight white male may not consider that his gender, race, sexuality or culture play a significant role in his identity. However, these factors could be huge for someone who is non-gender conforming or sexually fluid. It could also be substantial for people from a minority cultural or religious group in their country who have suffered stigma or discrimination.
1a. Write down a descriptive answer to the question “Who am I?”
What is your name? ________________________________________________________
How many siblings do you have? ____________________________________________
Are they older or younger than you? __________________________________________
Are your parents still together or married? _____________________________________
What did they do for work? __________________________________________________
Has anyone important to you died? __________________________________________
Where were you born? _____________________________________________________
What country are you a citizen of? ____________________________________________
What is your ethnicity? _____________________________________________________
Where do you live? ________________________________________________________
What do you do for work? ___________________________________________________
What is your sexuality? _____________________________________________________
Are you in an intimate relationship? __________________________________________
Do you have any children? __________________________________________________
Are you religious? __________________________________________________________
What are your hobbies? ____________________________________________________
What do you like to do in your leisure time? ____________________________________
MY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE:
I’m Damon Ashworth. I’m the middle child in my family, with an older brother and a younger sister. My parents are still happily married, and we all get along well. I am a dual citizen of Australia and the United States of America. Still, I have spent most of my life in Melbourne, Australia. I am of Caucasian descent. My parents were both teachers, making me from the middle class. My friends are predominantly from Melbourne, but I’ve made some friends in the US when I went to school there for two years and some good friends since moving to Vanuatu. I am currently volunteering in Vanuatu as a Clinical Psychologist with the Ministry of Health and at the Vila Central Hospital. I identify as a straight male and am in a happy monogamous relationship with my partner. She has a fantastic daughter. I have been baptized as a Christian but do not attend religious services. I love reading non-fiction books, listening to podcasts, playing fantasy basketball and watching NBA, and writing and making music and movies. I love hip-hop and laid-back music, horror and comedy movies, and watching live theatre shows and stand-up comedy. I also love to be active, get outside, visit new places on holidays, and travel and snow ski when I can afford it.
1b. Take a personality test to help answer the question “Who am I?”
No matter what is essential to you, everyone needs to construct a cohesive narrative or story about who they are. If you are getting stuck in describing your personality, many tests can help you. I believe the five-factor personality model is probably the best personality test for the average person to understand themselves better. You can complete either the short-form 120-question IPIP-NEO or the long-form 300-question version for free online.
An individual’s scores on Extroversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Neuroticism and Openness to Experience are reasonably consistent across their lives. So, knowing where you sit on the spectrum of each of these facets helps you get to know yourself better. It can also help you work with who you are rather than against yourself when designing your Deliberately Better Health plan.
Take the IPIP-NEO. Then write down your percentile scores for each of the five factors.
What are your different personality factor scores?
Scores above the 60th percentile indicate that you are more extroverted than introverted. It means you are above average in friendliness, cheerfulness, excitement seeking and activity level. In addition, you are above average in speaking up when needed and enjoy being in large groups and crowds. Extroverts love being around other people and expressing their feelings and whatever is on their minds. They also tend to feel more energized when socializing and enjoy living a fast-paced life.
Scores between the 40th and the 60th percentile indicate that you are an ambivert. That means you identify more with extroverts with some of your traits and more with introverts with other characteristics.
Scores below the 40th percentile indicate that you are more introverted than extroverted. Introverts prefer to spend more time doing quiet or solitary activities and recharge their energy more when alone than with others. When they are in a group, they may talk less and listen more.
Scores above the 60th percentile indicate that you are more agreeable than disagreeable. In addition, you are likely higher than average on trust, straightforwardness, cooperation, altruism, modesty and sympathy.
Scores between the 40th and the 60th percentile indicate that your agreeableness is average. You might identify more with highly agreeable people in some ways and with disagreeable people in others.
Scores below the 40th percentile indicate that you are more disagreeable than agreeable. You are probably higher than average on distrusting people and keeping your cards close to your chest in discussions with others. On the other hand, you are less likely than average to comply with other people’s wishes, feel bad for those less fortunate, enjoy helping others and be humble in discussions with others.
Scores above the 60th percentile indicate that you are high in conscientiousness and are efficient and organized. You believe in yourself, like to have things in order, and stick to your promises. You try your best to achieve something, are self-disciplined, and think through the consequences of your actions before deciding what to do.
Scores between the 40th and the 60th percentile indicate that your conscientiousness is average. You might identify more with highly conscientious people in some ways and with people low in conscientiousness in others.
Scores below the 40th percentile indicate that you are low in conscientiousness and may be extravagant and careless or lack direction in your tasks or life. You are more likely to struggle with your belief in your ability to achieve things, follow through on your obligations or promises, and keep things neat and organized. You are also unlikely to strive towards attaining things or have the discipline to follow through on the tasks that you want to do. Lastly, you tend not to deliberate on things too much before acting and may be careless.
Scores above the 60th percentile indicate you are high in neuroticism. You experience more negative emotions than the average person, including depression, anxiety, and anger. You are more likely to feel self-conscious, struggle to moderate your behaviours, and feel vulnerable when overwhelmed.
Scores between the 40th and the 60th percentile indicate that your neuroticism is average. You might experience some negative emotions intensely while experiencing other negative emotions less often or less intensely.
Scores below the 40th percentile indicate that you have high emotional stability. You experience low anxiety, anger, depression, self-consciousness, immoderation, and vulnerability.
Openness to experience: ____________________________________________________
Scores above the 60th percentile indicate that you are highly open to experience. You are more likely to be higher than the average person in imagination, artistic interest, liberalism and intellect. You are aware of your emotions and others and enjoy being adventurous.
Scores between the 40th and the 60th percentile indicate that your openness to experience is average. You might identify more with highly open people in some ways and with less open people in others.
Scores below the 40th percentile indicate that your openness to experience is low. For example, you are less likely than the average person to escape to fantasy, be interested in art, or be aware of your emotions and others. You are also less likely to enjoy discussing abstract ideas and concepts, and more likely to support conservative and traditional views. Lastly, your desire for adventure is lower than average.
MY PERSONALITY FACTOR SCORES:
Openness to Experience:95th percentile
Agreeableness:90th percentile
Extroversion:74th percentile
Conscientiousness:74th percentile
Neuroticism:13th percentile
What are your top personality facets?
Are there any facets in which you are very high (90th to 99th percentile)? These facets likely represent your personality, regardless of your overall factor scores.
Try putting all of this together to make up a personality profile about yourself, based on your factor scores and your top facets. I have done this for myself below.
Your personality profile: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
MY PERSONALITY PROFILE:
I am highly open to various experiences, including cultural, intellectual, emotional, and physical. I am highly agreeable and tend to do whatever it takes to have positive relationships with others. I will always try to co-operate with others if I can. I like to challenge convention and try to help bring about progressive change. I prefer a lot of variety and want to go on adventures. I am highly attuned to my emotions and the emotions of others around me and try to remain open to whatever I am feeling. I enjoy helping others when they need it. I trust others easily and believe that most people are generally good and do not harm others. I have lived a pretty fast-paced life and care about being efficient and effective. I love to have in-depth discussions with others and enjoy playing with ideas and reflecting on essential aspects of life through meditative practices and my writing.
STEP TWO: What Do I Care About?
Finding out what you care about is through the process of clarifying your values. Values are guiding principles in life that we cannot achieve like a goal but choose to live by each day. For example, someone who values honesty does not live consistently with what matters to them when they tell a lie but is consistent as soon as they return to telling the truth. By clarifying which values are most important, we can know when we have gone off track and what to do to get back on.
2a. Engage in thought experiments to elucidate what values are most important to you
An interesting experiential method to help patients identify their top value is writing the epitaph they want on their gravestone. For this, they would write what they hoped would be said about them if they were to die after a long and good life.
What would your epitaph say?
Here lies __________________________________________________________________
MY EPITAPH:Here lies Damon. He tried his best.
It tells me that one of my core values is applying myself to be the best I can be. Of course, not the best person overall, as this is an outcome I can’t control. But, I want to know that I have applied myself and put in the effort required to give me the best chance that I can have for success.
If writing your epitaph seems too dark or morbid, try to imagine your birthday party at least 20 years later (I choose my 70th birthday). All of your closest friends and family are there. An important person in your life gets up and makes a speech about the type of person you have been from today until then (over the past 20+ years).
It can be a powerful exercise that helps people realize the type of person they most want to be, both to themselves and others.
WHAT I WISH MY PARTNER’S DAUGHTER WOULD SAY ON MY 70TH BIRTHDAY:
I wasn’t so sold on Damon when I first met him. He seemed tall, friendly, pleasant, and good at sport. However, I also really enjoyed it being mum and me for the six years before we met. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized he wasn’t so bad and that there could be a few positives for me about having him around. Firstly, he helped to calm down mum when she was upset about something. He also seemed to care about her and me, making mum happy. He also tried to help me understand what I was going through whenever I was upset and made me feel loved and appreciated for who I was. He didn’t seem to want anything from me except for what I thought would be in my best interest in the long term. We also had fun doing things together, including daily walks with our dog Serahfina, playing games, rock climbing, watching movies and swimming as a family. I also loved the fantastic trips that we went on as a family.
2b. Take a strengths survey to identify your key strengths or values that you put into action
If none of the above activities interests you or help to highlight your core values, the Values in Action (VIA) Character Strengths Survey can. It ranks your strengths from 24th to 1st and is quite valuable for elucidating what you may want your guiding principles in life to be. You can complete it for free online at www.characterstrengths.org.
Based on my 2018 findings, my top five strengths were as follows:
Love of learning
Curiosity and interest in the world
Kindness and generosity
Humour and playfulness
Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
If you want to explore the results further, you can see which virtues are the highest for you. For me, wisdom was my highest virtue, with an average score of 6.2 for these items. The next highest was humanity, with an average score for these items of 8.33. Justice and transcendence were not virtues that were strengths of mine, with average scores of over 13.
You can answer the following question by combining your strengths and virtues. My response to this question is also provided as an example below.
I care about not jumping to conclusions and looking at the evidence from multiple perspectives before deciding the best thing to do. I care about being able to say that I am sorry and that I was wrong or being open to changing my mind if there is enough evidence about something. I care about being playful, having fun, laughing, or smiling with others. I care about being generous and kind to others and giving them my time, help, and undivided attention if possible. I care about learning new things and developing my knowledge and skills in various subjects and topics. I care about maintaining my curiosity and awe,growing as a person and gaining wisdom. Finally, I like to use what I have learned to help humanity where possible—both individually and on a larger scale.
STEP THREE: How do I show that I care about these things?
Finally, we must assess if we live consistently with our core values or key strengths. In other words, how much are you currently being the person you want to be, and what changes can you make to move in the right direction from now on?
3a. Do the Bullseye Exercise to assess where you are at and what is most important to you
The Bullseye exercise, first created by Swedish ACT Therapist Tobias Lundgren, is the best way to determine if you live consistently with your values. It helps you specify this in four critical areas of your life:
school or work,
leisure or recreation,
personal growth or health, and
relationships (including an intimate relationship if you have one as well as with your friends and family).
First, determine which areas you prioritize in your life at the moment. Is work most important? Or your health? Or your relationships? Or how you spend your spare time? Once you know how you would rank them, from first to fourth, write them down.
Keep your core values or key strengths in mind. Then, from 0 to 100%, say how consistently you have lived by your values in each area of your life. Place an X in the circle or a percentage for where you think you have been over the last month. 100% = a bullseye and 0% = outside the last circle. You can download a complete worksheet for free online if you want to complete it. You can also write down the percentages below.
How consistent have you been living with your values in this area of your life?
Consistency with your personal growth and health values: _____________________________
Consistency with your values in your most important relationships: ____________________
Consistency with your leisure and recreation values: ___________________________________
Consistency with your values in work and education: __________________________________
CONSISTENCY WITH MY VALUES IN EACH AREA OF MY LIFE:
Personal growth and health = 60%
Relationships = 75%
Leisure and recreation = 70%
School and work = 80%
Unfortunately, I am living more consistently with how I want to be when it comes to my work than in all other areas of my life. At the moment, I want to prioritize my health the most, and yet it feels like I am not living my life as healthily as I would like to. I want to exercise more, eat more fresh and less processed food, and maintain daily healthy habits.
Health was my top priority, yet my lowest score on the bullseye. It highlights how living more consistently with my health values could help me improve my overall well-being and life satisfaction.
What about you? What did your bullseye reveal that you were previously unaware of? Is improving your health the number one priority in your life, or are there other things you would prefer to put time and effort into improving?
3b. Set up sustainable systems or goals to help you live more consistently with your core values and strengths in each vital area of your life.
Once you have identified where you stand on each quadrant of the bullseye, ask yourself what you can do over the next 1–2 weeks (short-term), following 1–3 months (medium-term) or next 6–18 months (long-term). You want goals that help you live more consistently with your core values or key strengths. It could be new targets for studying, working, eating, relaxing, socializing, exercising, or sleeping.
Setting Your Targets
It helps to rank the aspects of your life that you most want to improve. Write down your top 5 targets for improvement. Place this list somewhere easily accessible and where you are unlikely to lose or forget about it. If you only have two or three aspects you want to improve, you don’t need to write down five. The less you have, the easier it will be to assess, track and improve when you start trying to develop and implement a plan.
MY TOP FIVE HEALTH TARGETS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO IMPROVE:
My stamina and being able to have enough energy to live the life I want
Healthy muscle mass and body fat percentages in comparison to my overall weight
A more nutritious diet with less processed and junk food
Better work/life balance
Increased relationship satisfaction with my partner, her daughter, my friends and my family
As you achieve your goals or implement your systems, you show yourself and others that you know who you are and what is important to you. As a result, you will begin to feel that you are heading in the right direction towards a healthier, more personally meaningful and satisfying life.
Over the past five years, I have been trying to live my life in a way that will not accumulate more regrets.
Most people tend to find change both problematic and scary. Sometimes, we remain stuck in a bad or unideal situation for too long because we fear what we could lose if we leave or change where we are.
However, we also tend to regret things we don’t do much more than the changes we make. So even if something doesn’t work out exactly how you have planned, more times than not, you will be glad that you have taken a risk and given something new a chance.
So, if you are in a difficult situation, including a bad relationship or a bad job, and are thinking about leaving but are also scared to do so, make sure that you make the comparison fair for yourself. First, compare what you might gain if you leave to what you might achieve if you stay. Then think about what you might lose if you go, but compare it to what you might lose if you stay.
If you think about what you might lose versus what you might gain if you leave, prospect theory indicates that the potential losses will likely loom larger for you. The potential gains of you going won’t help you overcome your fears of leaving enough. You will be more likely to stay, even if the current situation is not ideal for you.
Every decision we make has positives and negatives, so don’t forget about the negatives of maintaining the status quo or doing nothing if you are in a harmful or toxic situation.
If you really want to leave but feel afraid, think about the positives of leaving plus the negatives of not making the change. In this way, both your approach system and your fear system will work together and push you in the same direction of making a change and running away from the current situation you are in.
If you are still feeling indecisive, toss a coin. Then let the coin be responsible for the action you take. It might just help you to make the change that deep down you know you want to take.
The Positives of Making a Change
Steven Levitt from Freakonomics fame asked people over a year to flip a virtual coin if they were on the fence about something. If the coin landed on heads, the website told them to go ahead and make a change. However, if the coin landed on tails, they were instructed to keep the status quo.
From more than 20,000 coin tosses, the most common life dilemma that people flipped a coin about was whether or not to quit their jobs. A large percentage of people were also indecisive about whether or not to break up their intimate partners. The website asked a series of questions first to help people arrive at a decision. If these questions didn’t help, the website instructed visitors to flip a coin.
Levitt contacted each person who flipped a coin via email two months and six months after the coin toss. Those who did make a significant change in their lives reported being happier two months later than those who maintained the status quo. Their happiness was even higher six months after their decision. The results were similar regardless of whether or not they followed the coin toss instructions if it landed on heads and made the change or went against it if it landed on tails and made the change anyway.
Levitt concluded that “people are too cautious when it comes to making a change” and probably should take action if they are uncertain about whether or not to.
How Do I Not Regret Things?
For me, preventing the accumulation of regrets is about trying to live my life in a way that is consistent with the life that I want—or trying to be the person I would like to be in every situation.
Getting to this point requires a decent amount of self-awareness and self-knowledge of who I am, what I care about, and what I want.
Now that I am aware of these things, it is easier to determine what I would like. In addition, completing the future authoring program has also helped help me to clarify what I really would like in the future.
Some of the questions that they asked me were as follows:
What is One Thing You Could Do Better?
Tune in instead of tuning out. Listen to my body and mind and become more aware of what I feel and what I need.
What Things Do You Want to Learn About?
I want to learn more about running a successful business and private psychology practice.
Which Habits Would You Like to Improve?
I want to stay on top of all my responsibilities at work. I want to connect more with friends and family and ask them for help rather than doing everything myself. I want to remain a non-drinker of alcohol and continue learning new things, going on adventures, exercising, trying to eat healthily, taking my medication, and looking after my health.
What Type of Social Life do You Want in the Future?
I want to maintain connections with the essential people in my life, including my parents, siblings, host family, partner, daughter, family, and friends.
What Leisure Activity Do You Want to Do in the Future?
I want my leisure to be about being active, lifting weights, cooking well, learning new skills, being creative and socialising with those I love.
How Do You Want Your Family Life in the Future?
I want to be connected with them all, even if we are in different countries, share the good things and get support if needed. I also want to try to be there for as many big moments as possible and visit them when I can. Prioritise my partner and family here in Vanuatu and be consistent, reliable, supportive, loving, and caring.
What Type of Career Do do You Want in the Future?
I want to have a thriving private practice as a clinical psychologist. Run both groups and individual sessions and positively impact the community. I would also like to live a sustainable lifestyle where I enjoy my work and remain healthy, with enough time for leisure, relationships and personal growth.
What Qualities Do You Admire?
I want to deliberately and continually learn and improve. I want to be grateful, efficient, effective and courageous. I want to reflect on my mistakes, learn from my experiences, and gain wisdom over time. I want to be fully present, kind and compassionate to myself and others.
What Does an Ideal Future Look Like to You?
I want to be the best me that I can be. I want to help as many people as I can. I want to end up in a place where I feel satisfied and valuable and where I belong. I want to feel like my life is worthwhile and a net positive on the world.
I hope to save up enough money, live in Vanuatu, build a comfortable home and have a good life with my partner and her daughter. I want to make a real difference to the country’s mental health and share with people worldwide all of the knowledge and skills they need to improve their sleep and mental health.
What is a Future that You Want to Avoid?
I don’t want to be a drunk, obese, unemployed loner. I don’t want to fail to meet my obligations or stop striving to achieve my goals. I don’t want to be a bad influence on my partner or children or any clients that I see. I don’t want to end up in jail, commit any crimes or deliberately hurt others. I don’t like to be prideful and not apologise or make amends when I err. I also don’t want to disappoint my friends and family or be considered selfish, unkind, or shit.
Ending the post by talking about the life that I do not want may seem negative, but remember that losses loom larger than gains. By writing down the life I want to avoid, I become motivated to run away from this, make the changes I need to achieve the life I want and not keep building up regrets as I go.
The five factor personality model has been researched and written about extensively. If you have never taken a Big Five Aspects Scale before, you can find out what your results are for under $10 at the Understand Myself website. A free version called the IPIP-NEO can also be found here.
Main Findings Based on the Five-Factor Personality Model
Judge, Heller & Mount (2002) found that highly conscientious people are most satisfied with their job (.26 correlation), followed by highly extraverted people (.25 correlation), then highly agreeable people (.17 correlation), then those who are high on openness to experience (.02 correlation) People high on neuroticism were negatively correlated with job satisfaction (-.29 correlation). My introversion is the only aspect that may negatively impact how much I enjoy a job.
For academic performance, Poropat (2009) found that agreeableness, conscientiousness and openness to experience correlate significantly to academic performance. Conscientiousness was related to academic performance in a way that was largely independent of intelligence. My personality style likely helped me to do well in school and complete eight years of university studies.
For intimate relationship satisfaction, Malouff, Thorsteinsson, Schutte, Bhullar and Rooke (2009) found that low neuroticism, high agreeableness, high conscientiousness and high extraversion were all correlated with greater relationship satisfaction. These variables did not vary significantly from men to women or from unmarried to married individuals. Unfortunately, my introversion and low enthusiasm in particular make it a bit harder for me to be satisfied in intimate relationships.
For citizenship, Chiaburu, Oh, Berry, Li, and Gardner (2011) found that people that are low in neuroticism, high in extraversion and high in openness to experience are more likely to engage in more individual, organization and change-oriented citizenship. Again, not being too extraverted and enthusiastic holds me back a little here.
For occupational type, Barrick, Mount and Gupta (2006) found that extraverts are most likely to enter an enterprising career (.41 correlation). People that are high on openness to experience are most likely to enter an artistic career (.39 correlation). Some say therapy is more art than science, which may indicate why I have chosen this over a career in research.
For clinical disorders, Malouff, Thorsteinsson and Schutte (2004) found that psychological disorders are more closely linked with high neuroticism, low conscientiousness, low agreeableness and low extraversion. Healthy populations in comparison to clinical populations show higher levels of extraversion and lower levels of neuroticism. Again, my introversion puts me at a greater risk.
For alcohol abuse, Malouff, Thorsteinsson, Rooke and Schutte (2007) found that people that are low on conscientiousness, low on agreeableness and high on neuroticism are more likely to have difficulties with alcohol. These individuals are less likely to improve through treatment. Another meta-analytic finding by Malouff, Thorsteinsson and Schutte (2006) found that these three factors are also significantly related to smoking prevalence. Never smoked, but have drunk more than I should have at times. If I want to cut down, my personality style should help me.
For physical activity, Sutin and colleagues (2016) found that lower neuroticism and higher conscientiousness is associated with more physical activity and less sedentary behaviour. Higher extraversion and more openness to experience is also associated with more physical activity ,and that these variables don’t change much based on age or sex. Consequently, being a bit introverted is the only factor that lets me down.
For workplace harassment, highly neurotic people are most likely to be exposed to workplace harassment (.25 correlation), with highly extraverted and conscientious people least likely to be harassed (.10 correlation). I thought Susan Cain said it was good to be an introvert in her book ‘Quiet’, but there doesn’t seem to be much that is positively linked with Introversion?
What About Individual Faults and Virtues?
Even though across the population as a whole there seems to be benefits to being extraverted, agreeable, conscientious, open to experience and not neurotic, there are advantages and disadvantages to each trait, particularly at the extremes.
Extremely sociable, extraverted people can be dominant and impulsive, while introverted, quiet people can easily become isolated and depressed.
Extremely open people can be scattered and overwhelmed by their own thoughts and ideas, while closed-minded people may become narrow and inflexible.
Exceptionally conscientious people can be obsessive about order, judgmental and rigid, while their more carefree counterparts may be messy, undisciplined and careless.
People very high in emotional stability may engage in risky, dangerous behaviour, while those who are more neurotic can become so preoccupied by anxiety and pain that they are unable to function.
Finally, extremely agreeable people may never stand up for themselves, while those who are too disagreeable can be aggressive, callous and bullying.
To find out your individual faults and virtues on each of the five personality factors, the Self Authoring program can help you to clarify your own personal traits and help you to clarify what you would like to strengthen and improve. Below are my results:
Extraversion/Introversion Faults
Can spend too much money
Keep in the background
Lose opportunities because I am too isolated
Am too quiet around strangers
Find it difficult to approach others
Bottle up my feelings
Feel drained by social interactions
Have a social circle that is too small
Extraversion/Introversion Virtues
Feel comfortable around people
Don’t mind being the center of attention
Can take charge and lead
Am skilled in handling social situations
Am often happy
Can listen well
Do not always talk about myself
Enjoy time in natural surroundings
Let other people have the spotlight
Think before I act
Agreeable/Assertive Faults
Avoid conflict even when it is necessary
Will sacrifice my own feelings for the comfort of others
Can bottle up my feelings until I become resentful
Am polite to a fault
Trust people too easily
Can be detached and cold when others are hurt and upset
Agreeable/Assertive Virtues
Trust people
Am interested in people
Feel others’ emotions
Inquire genuinely about others’ well-being
Know how to comfort others
Make people feel at ease
Am a good peacemaker
Am aware that malevolence exists in the world
Conscientiousness/Carelessness Faults
Get obsessed with details and lose the big picture
Cannot stand to be late for an appointment
Feel that I am being unproductive if I relax
Believe that I have to be flawless
Can be contemptuous of other people and of myself
Find it difficult to get down to work
Neglect my duties
Frequently make excuses
Am sometimes willing to bend the truth to get out of an obligation
Feel unmotivated to complete my work
Conscientiousness/Carelessness Virtues
Have a very long attention span and can work without being distracted
Do things according to a plan
Strive for efficiency and economy
Pay attention to details
Am extremely reliable
Always arrive at appointments early or on time
Am very goal-oriented
Do what I say I am going to do
Know how to go with the flow
Don’t waste my time thinking about little details
Emotional Stability/Low Stress Tolerance Faults
Am sometimes not afraid of things I should be afraid of
Don’t appear to learn as well from my mistakes as others do
Don’t pay enough attention to costs and potential future dangers
Often take counterproductive or unnecessary risks
Blow little things out of proportion
Let my fears stop me from doing things I want to do
Emotional Stability/Low Stress Tolerance Virtues
Am difficult to offend
Am in control of my emotions
Calm down quickly when I do get upset
Seldom get disturbed or upset
Am rarely incautious
Am a cautious, careful person
Don’t rush into things before I feel comfortable
Am good at identifying the risks in new situations
Openness/Traditionalism Faults
Pursue too many activities at the same time
Am interested in so many things that I don’t know what to focus on
Have a hard time planning for the future because I am interested in everything
Have a hard time making up my mind because I can always see all the sides of an argument
Am so interested in creative activities that it is hard to concentrate on things that are practical
Have had a hard time forming a clear identity
Have done crazy things just because I was curious about what might happen
Openness/Traditionalism Virtues
Am quick to understand things
Can handle a lot of information
Catch on to things quickly
Am always learning new things
Spend time reflecting on things
Can always see new possibility in things
See the value in tradition and custom
Am resistant to radical, dangerous thoughts
So, as you can see above, your personality style is never all good or all bad. I’m sure that even if you are introverted, disagreeable, careless, neurotic and closed to new experiences, there will still be some virtues associated with your personality style. I also think that, even though it may be more of a challenge, it is still possible to find the right career or job and the right relationship and friendships for you.
You may not be the right fit for everyone or everything, but no one is. What is more important is to first try to understand yourself, change what you would like to and are able to, accept what you do not want to or cannot change, and then find the places and people that love and appreciate you for who you are.
Values are guiding principles for our lives that are endless pursuits. We cannot achieve a value in the same way we can accomplish a goal. However, at any point in time, you can connect with them, act in accordance to them, and receive the vitality, energy, improved self-worth, greater emotional well-being and happiness that are often the result of living consistently with our values.
To figure out your most important values, first write if each value in the list below is very important to you (V), quite important to you (Q), or not important to you (N).
It is essential that we choose the values that feel right to us, rather than pick the values that we think our parents or society might want us to follow.
Then, for only your very important values, score from (0-10) how much you have been living according to this value over the past month, with:
0 = not following this value over the past month,
1 – 3 = following this value occasionally,
4 – 6 = following this value sometimes,
7 – 9 = following this value often, and
10 = always living by this value.
VALUES LIST
Connecting with Nature: Importance of value to you (V, Q, N?) = ________, Consistency with value if it is very important to you (0-10?) = _________
It will be difficult/impossible to always live by all of our very important values, because some values will come into conflict with each other. However, if you are have scored it a 5 or below in your consistency rating, then try to set a goal for the next month of how you can live more consistently with this value.
Dr Damon Ashworth
Clinical Psychologist
PLEASE NOTE: These value descriptions were taken from a values cards exercise that I did during my doctoral degree. I am not sure who developed it, but will happily give credit to them if anyone can let me know who did.
Damon Ashworth Psychology 
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