Damon Ashworth Psychology

Tag: Happiness

  • Where Are the Happiest Cities in the World?

    Where Are the Happiest Cities in the World?

    For the first time, the 2020 World Happiness Report ranked 186 cities worldwide in terms of their level of subjective well-being. Moreover, by looking at the Gallup World Poll data across more than 160 countries and 99% of the world’s population, we can now tell which city’s residents evaluated their current life the highest. Well, at least how they evaluated their life satisfaction before the COVID-19 pandemic hit.

    If you want to determine your life satisfaction, you could also ask yourself: “imagine yourself on a ladder with steps numbered from 0 at the bottom to 10 at the top. Zero represents the worst possible life, and ten is the best possible life. Which step would you put yourself on based on your life currently?”

    Here are the top 20 cities, based on their inhabitants’ responses to the above question:

    1. Helsinki, Finland = 7.828 average
    2. Aarhus, Denmark = 7.625 average
    3. Wellington, New Zealand = 7.553 average
    4. Zurich, Switzerland = 7.541 average
    5. Copenhagen, Denmark = 7.530 average
    6. Bergen, Norway = 7.527 average
    7. Olso, Norway = 7.464 average
    8. Tel Aviv, Israel = 7.461 average
    9. Stockholm, Sweden = 7.373 average
    10. Brisbane, Australia = 7.337 average
    11. San Jose, Costa Rica = 7.321 average
    12. Reykjavik, Iceland = 7.317 average
    13. Toronto, Canada = 7.298 average
    14. Melbourne, Australia = 7.296 average
    15. Perth, Australia = 7.253 average
    16. Auckland, New Zealand = 7.232 average
    17. Christchurch, New Zealand = 7.191 average
    18. Washington, USA = 7.185 average
    19. Dallas, USA = 7.155 average
    20. Sydney, Australia = 7.133 average

    Scandinavian cities dominate, with more than half of the top ten cities worldwide. Australia’s happiest city is Brisbane, but three other Australian cities make the top 20, with Melbourne beating Sydney (yes!). NZ also fares pretty well, with Wellington the happiest city outside of Finland and Denmark and Auckland and Christchurch in the top 20. The happiest city in the US is Washington DC, surprisingly at #18, with Dallas just behind it in 19th.

    Which Cities Are Improving their Happiness Levels the Most?

    Here are the top ten cities with the biggest improvement in life satisfaction from 2005 to 2018:

    1. Abidjan, Ivory Coast = 0.981 average increase in subjective well-being
    2. Dushanbe, Tajikstan = 0.950 average improvement
    3. Vilnius, Lithuania = 0.939 improvement
    4. Almaty, Kazakstan = 0.922 improvement
    5. Cotonou, Benin = 0.918 improvement
    6. Sofia, Bulgaria = 0.899 improvement
    7. Dakar, Senegal = 0.864 improvement
    8. Conakry, Guinea = 0.833 improvement
    9. Niamey, Niger = 0.812 improvement
    10. Brazzaville, Republic of the Congo = 0.787 improvement

    Some of the most significant subjective well-being improvements come from Africa, with six out of the top 10 cities. Central Asia and Eastern Europe are the other two main areas with the most significant jumps in subjective well-being in the 21st Century.

    Which Cities Feel the Most Hopeful About the Future?

    Below are the top ten most optimistic cities and how they imagine their subjective well-being will be in the future:

    1. Tashkent, Uzbekistan = 8.390 average future subjective well-being
    2. San Miguelito, Panama = 8.372 average
    3. San Jose, Costa Rica = 8.347 average
    4. Accra, Ghana = 8.297 average
    5. Panama City, Panama = 8.286 average
    6. Aarhus, Denmark = 8.286 average
    7. Copenhagen, Denmark = 8.208 average
    8. Helsinki, Finland = 8.206 average
    9. Atlanta, USA = 8.204 average
    10. Freetown, Sierra Leone = 8.203 average

    Central America seems to be very optimistic about its future, especially the two countries of Panama and Costa Rica. Atlanta is the only USA city to crack the top ten in any category in this article, and Scandinavia remains hopeful about improving things as we advance, especially Denmark and Finland. Tashkent in Uzbekistan comes out of nowhere to win this category, although Central Asia has improved its subjective well-being over the last 15 years. Finally, Ghana and Sierra Leone expect that things will continue to improve for them, with greater levels of happiness predicted in their cities than anywhere in Australia or Western Europe in the future.

    Which Cities Experience the Most Positive Emotions?

    Here are the top ten cities in the world with the highest levels of positive affect:

    1. Asuncion, Paraguay = .892/1
    2. Mogadishu, Somalia = .877/1
    3. Vientiane, Laos = .873/1
    4. San Pedro Sula, Honduras = .867/1
    5. Quito, Ecuador = .862/1
    6. San Jose, Costa Rica = .860/1
    7. Cork, Ireland = .857/1
    8. Reykjavik, Iceland = .855/1
    9. Santiago, Chile = .853/1
    10. Montevideo, Uruguay = .850/1

    These rankings are from people’s responses to the positive and negative affect scale (PANAS). The 10-item positive affect scale measures how much people describe feeling active, alert, attentive, determined, enthusiastic, excited, inspired, interested, proud and strong on a 5-point scale from 1 = not at all to 5 = very much. South American cities seem to rate relatively high on this scale, with Asuncion in Paraguay winning by quite a bit, Quito in Ecuador landing in the top 5, and Santiago in Chile and Montevideo in Uruguay rounding out the top 10. Central America has two cities in the top 6, with Somalia having the only city from Africa, Laos the only city from Asia, and Ireland and Iceland representing Europe.

    Which Cities Report the Fewest Negative Emotions?

    The top ten cities with the lowest levels of negative affect:

    1. Taipei, Taiwan = .110/1
    2. Prishtine, Kosovo = 0.132/1
    3. Shanghai, China = 0.140/1
    4. Talinn, Estonia = 0.144/1
    5. Singapore = 0.144/1
    6. Ashgabat, Turkmenistan = 0.144/1
    7. Baku, Azerbaijan = 0.145/1
    8. Wellington, New Zealand = 0.152/1
    9. Almaty, Kazakhstan = 0.158/1
    10. Moscow, Russia = 0.159/1

    These rankings are also from people’s responses to the PANAS. The 10-item negative affect scale assesses how much people report feeling afraid, ashamed, distressed, guilty, hostile, irritable, jittery, nervous, scared and upset on a 5-point scale from 1 = not at all to 5 = very much. Unlike many other findings, Asia and Eastern Europe come out on top, with no sign of African or North, Central or South American countries in the top 10. Taiwan, China and Singapore all rank in the top 5, indicating low levels of negatively reported emotions in this region. Unfortunately, low negative affectivity doesn’t result in super high levels of reported happiness or life satisfaction. The only city to rank in the top 10 in any other section is Wellington, New Zealand.

    Conclusion

    If you want to go where people are most satisfied with their life, Finland is the place to be, as it has been rated the happiest country in the world for three years now. Of course, Helsinki also takes the crown as the city with the highest life satisfaction at present, but other cities in Scandinavia aren’t too far behind.

    When you explore the data a little further, it gets a bit more complicated as to where the happiest places in the world are. No Australian city ranks in the top 10 globally for the recent improvement in life satisfaction, optimism about life satisfaction in the future, or levels of positive or negative affectivity. Only one US city (Atlanta for optimism about the future) makes the top ten for any of these categories, and UK countries are nowhere near the top.

    Conversely, there are many cities in Africa and Central Asia where well-being has improved quickly over the last 15 years. Their citizens remain excited about the potential for what is yet to come. None more so than Tashkent in Uzbekistan. Central America also has several cities that feel happy and hopeful about their future, especially Panama, Costa Rica and Honduras.

    Based on the findings, South America has the most cities that report a lot of positive emotions in the present, and Asia and Eastern Europe win out on minimal negative emotions. Personally, living somewhere with minimally reported negative emotions and a high level of life satisfaction sounds pretty good to me.

  • Parenting is Tough, but Science Suggests Clear Strategies that Help You to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

    Parenting is Tough, but Science Suggests Clear Strategies that Help You to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

    In 2018, the American Psychiatric Association identified what they considered to be the three primary goals of parenting:

    “1. Ensuring children’s health and safety

    2. Preparing children for life as productive adults, and

    3. Transmitting cultural values”

    Many environmental and biological factors influence a parent’s and a child’s capacity to reach these ambitious goals. However, there are still a few simple changes in how we try to parent our children and manage emotions in ourselves and those closest to us that can make a significant difference.

    Parenting Styles

    In 1971, Baumrind identified and developed three main parenting styles. These parenting styles include parents’ attitudes and values about parenting, their beliefs about the nature of children, and the specific strategies they use to help socialise their child.

    The parenting styles are known as:

    1. Authoritative

    Includes being warm and involved in the child’s day-to-day life, helping the child with reasoning and inductive thought processes and reflective practices, democratic participation, letting the child have a say in what goes on, and being good-natured and generally easy-going with the child.

    2. Authoritarian

    Includes being verbally hostile towards the child, using corporal punishment, not reasoning things through with the child, using punitive control strategies or excessively harsh penalties, and being directive towards the child rather than discussing things with them.

    3. Permissive

    Includes high levels of warmth, but a relaxed and non-consistent discipline style, with minimal rules, expectations and guidance. It consists of a lack of follow-through on consequences, ignoring misbehaviour and boosting self-confidence rather than disciplining the child.

    The graph above highlights a fourth style known as uninvolved (Maccoby & Martin, 1983), including very little control or strictness and very little parental warmth.

    Subsequent reviews by Baumrind in 1989 and 1991 found a clear winner for parents who employed an authoritative parenting style over an authoritarian or a permissive parenting style, especially once children reach higher.

    An authoritative parenting style leads to the more significant development of child competence, including better maturity, assertiveness, responsible independence, self-control, better co-operation with peers and adults, and academic success (Baumrind, 1989; 1991). In addition, children of authoritative parenting also exhibit higher levels of moral conscience and prosocial behaviours (Krevans & Gibbs, 1996).

    Other research has found that non-authoritative parenting styles can lead to a higher risk of depression, anxiety, ADHD and conduct or behavioural problems (Akhter et al., 2011). For example, authoritarian parenting can lead to antisocial aggression, hostility and rebelliousness (Baumrind, 1991), and anxiety (Chorpita & Barlow, 1998).

    Indulging children too much and not setting appropriate boundaries can reduce the child’s academic performance and social competence (Chen et al., 2000). Permissive parenting can also lead to low self-control and impulsive, bossy or dependent behaviour in children (Baumrind, 1967).

    Uninvolved parenting leads to a greater risk of behavioural problems and depression (Downey & Coyne, 1990).

    The chart below clearly highlights the consequences of each style of parenting:

    If you want to develop a more authoritative parenting style, be warned that it is the most time-consuming and energy-demanding of all the methods (Greenberger & Goldberg, 1989). However, try to see if any of the following strategies work for you:

    • “Learn the names of your children’s friends.
    • Ask about your child’s problems or concerns at school and communicate with their teachers about any issues that they may be having.
    • Encourage the child to talk about their troubles.
    • Give praise and acknowledgment when the child does something positive.
    • Tell your child that you appreciate what they try or accomplish.
    • Give emotional comfort and understanding when the child is upset.
    • Respond to the child’s feelings and emotional needs.
    • Show sympathy or empathy when the child is hurt or frustrated.
    • Express affection by hugging, kissing or holding your child when it is appropriate to do so.
    • Explain the consequences of your child’s behaviour.
    • Give your child the reasons for the rules you have.
    • Emphasise why they must follow the rules.
    • Help them understand the impact of their behaviour by encouraging them to talk about the consequences of their actions.
    • Explain how you feel about your child’s good and bad behaviour.
    • Take into account your child’s preferences when making family plans.
    • Allow your child to give input into family rules.
    • Take your child’s desires into account before asking them to do something.
    • Joke and play with your child.
    • Show patience with your child.
    • Try to be easy-going and relaxed around your child.”

    The Relationship Cure

    There isn’t an author out there who has conducted more in-depth and scientific research on interpersonal relationships than John Gottman. ‘The Relationship Cure: A Five-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships’ is his 2002 book that offers a 5-step guide to improving the quality of your relationship with your partner or children.

    The five steps to improve your relationships are:

    1. Look at Your Bids for Connection

    We need to analyse how we bid for connections with others and respond to others bids.

    A bid is simply any form of expression, whether a verbal question, a visual look, or a physical gesture or touch that says, “I want to connect with you!”

    A response to a bid can be either an encouraging sign that shows that you also want to connect by turning towards them or a discouraging sign that indicates that you do not wish to connect through turning away from them or turning against them.

    Over time, turning towards responses lead to even more bidding and responding and a stronger, closer relationship. But, conversely, both turning away and turning against reactions leads to less bidding, hurt or suppressed feelings, and the breakdown of the connection you share in the long-term.

    2. Discover Your Brain’s Emotional Command Systems

    There are seven main areas in which people differ, influencing relationship needs. Once you have discovered if you and your family members are low, moderate or high on each system, it becomes easier to see how it affects the bidding process in the relationship.

    The systems are the following:

    • Commander-in-chief (dominance and control)
    • Explorer (exploration and discovery)
    • Sensualist (sensual gratification, pleasure)
    • Energy Czar (regulates the need for energy, rest, relaxation)
    • Jester (play, fun)
    • Sentry (safety, vigilance)
    • Nest-builder (affiliation, bonding, attachment)

    3. Examine Your Emotional Heritage

    People typically develop one of four emotional philosophy styles. These styles are learnt during childhood and can affect your method of bidding and your ability to connect with others.

    The four emotional styles are:

    • Emotion-dismissing (“You’ll get over it!“) = less bidding and turning away
    • Emotion-disapproving (“Don’t feel that way!“) = less bidding and turning against
    • Laissez-faire (“I understand how you feel.“) = bidding may or may not increase
    • Emotion-coaching (“I understand. Let’s figure out how we can help you.“) = more bidding, turning toward, with the bonus of guidance being offered for how to cope.

    Families that create emotion-coaching environments give their children a higher chance of having more successful and loving relationships with their parents, siblings and friends. They also tend to get along better with their co-workers and romantic partners when they are older.

    4. Sharpen Your Emotional Communication Skills

    By learning effective communication skills, we are more likely to say what we mean and feel without the other person becoming defensive. As a result, it can increase our chances of positive changes occurring and improve relationship satisfaction.

    The four steps of effective communication are as follows:

    D — Describe the situation, and stick to facts, not judgments

    (e.g., ”When you don’t clean up your room”, not “When you are disrespectful and don’t care about your things!”).

    E — Explain how you feel

    (Emotions — e.g., “I feel hurt and upset!”. Not opinions — e.g., “I feel like you don’t care about me or the house rules!”)

    A — Ask for what you need or would prefer

    (Behaviours — e.g., “I would prefer that you follow the rules we have established and clean up your room before going outside to play with friends”. Not feelings — e.g., “I would prefer if you actually cared about this family and your things like you say you do”).

    R — Reinforce the potential benefits to them, you and the relationship if they could do what you have asked

    (e.g., “Then your things won’t get wrecked, you can play, I can relax, and we can all have fun together later instead of me having to nag you all the time!”).

    You might be sceptical, but it really can work, and it does become more comfortable with practice.

    5. Find Shared Meaning with Others

    This can be done by sharing your dreams or visions, or it can be about developing consistent rituals together that, over time, can lead to more shared experiences and a stronger emotional bond.

    With the kids, this may be prioritising having dinner around the table with the whole family and chatting each night without technology. Or it could be:

    • a regular movie night every Friday,
    • church every Sunday morning,
    • games night once a week,
    • Christmas and Family Day with the extended family,
    • New Year at the beach every year, or
    • Anything else that you can repeat regularly

    Rituals provide great memories for the children and predictability and help them feel loved and secure. What you do does not matter too much; it is about what is meaningful to you and your family.

    So there we have it. Try to develop an authoritative parenting style, turn towards your child’s emotional bids, foster an emotion-coaching philosophy in the home, and try to communicate and find shared meaning with your children. Then, you will be well on your way to raising emotionally healthy children. I wish you all the best with the inevitable challenges along the way.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • 10 Bits of Advice I’d Give My 10-Year-Old Self

    10 Bits of Advice I’d Give My 10-Year-Old Self

    When I was ten, I was in grade four at primary school. I was one of the tallest kids in the class, skinny and uncoordinated.

    I loved sport and computer games. I enjoyed living where I did in the northeast suburbs of Melbourne and had some good friends who I saw regularly.

    I was not too fond of school, talking on the phone, doing chores around the house, and my little sister. I also tried to regularly take sick days from school with a sore tummy that I now know was anxiety. I’d had a horrible teacher the year before who didn’t seem to like me, and I had no idea how to cope.

    Here are ten thoughts that I would say to myself if I could go back in time and have a chat with my ten-year-old self:

    1. Before you do anything else, breathe

    I know you worry a lot and stress yourself out by overthinking, but you don’t have to have all the answers yet, or maybe ever. So before you do something you may regret, stop. Take ten slow and deep breaths, and try to breathe out all the air with each breath. Then see how you feel and what you can do.

    2. Focus on one thing at a time

    I know that you feel you have too many things to do and not enough time. But multitasking is a myth and will stress you out more. Instead, determine whatever is most important to you at any given moment, and then try to put all of your intention and effort into that until it is complete or you need to take a break.

    3. Don’t always believe what your thoughts tell you

    I know that you personalise things and catastrophise or imagine the worst. Some things are your fault, but many things are not. You are not “bad” or “evil”, but you can be mean if you want to be. You’re also probably not going to die over the homework assignment that you forgot to save on your computer. Start meditating 10 minutes a day before you go to bed, and you will eventually understand your thoughts and manage your emotions much better.

    4. Write things down

    I know you feel that your mum and dad don’t always understand you, but you can learn to understand yourself through reflection. First, write down three things that you are grateful for every day. Then, make a plan to address any concerns or worries before they all build up and become overwhelming for you. If you spend 5–10 minutes writing in a journal every day, you won’t regret it. Also, learn how to use a calendar or diary as soon as possible. Good organisational habits now will make life much easier for you later on.

    5. Don’t forget to have fun

    I know that you are super competitive and hate to lose, but basketball, swimming, tennis, baseball or any other sport is for fun. Practice isn’t always fun as that’s focused on helping you get better, but if you don’t enjoy competing or playing the games, find another sport that you think you will enjoy, and put more time into that. You will not become a professional athlete who gets paid, which is okay. Sport is a very healthy hobby to have, and if you can enjoy it, it’s even better.

    6. It’s okay to make mistakes, get rejected or fail

    I know that you struggle not being very good at something. Even though it doesn’t feel that good to be a novice or a beginner, the only way to become good at something is to be okay at sucking at it. If you persist through the sucking part, you will become a lot better over time, not suck so much, and eventually enjoy it. So keep playing and practising guitar and trombone, drawing and being creative, and paying attention in Italian class. It’s pretty cool to make art and speak multiple languages, and easier to learn when you are still young. Also, take French at high school, not Indonesian.

    7. Keep reading and learning outside of school

    I know you don’t like school much at the moment, but don’t just let your teachers dictate what you should learn. If something interests you, explore it further. If you have questions that you want to answer, see if you can find the answers in books or the internet once it gets faster. Many wise people have clarified their thoughts and written them down for you. Their words will help you a lot as you get older, and fostering curiosity and a love of learning at your age is fantastic. If mum wants to teach you how to cook, bake, clean, iron, sew, listen to her, watch what she does, try it and get feedback until you know what you are doing. The same goes with dad trying to teach you about sport, cars, gardening and making things with tools. You won’t regret having these skills once you move out on your own.

    8. Make time for friends and family

    I know that playing video games is fun, but technology shouldn’t replace face-to-face contact with other people. Be interested in people more than you are in things. You will learn a lot from them, and it will make you happier if you are yourself and they appreciate you for it. Your family won’t always be around as much as they are now, so try to enjoy the time you have with them even though they can all be annoying at times. And be nice to your sister. It’s not her fault that she is cuter and more extroverted than you. She’ll turn out to be a pretty cool person and a good friend to you one day.

    9. Invest in index funds

    I know that it is fun to spend money if you have it, but saving and investing doesn’t have to take much time and effort and is worth it. No matter how much money you earn, put 10% aside and stick it into an index fund. The power of compounding interest means that you will be setting yourself up for your financial future. You will have more freedom to do what you want to do when you are older without worrying about money as much. You probably won’t feel like you are sacrificing much, but the long-term benefit will be great.

    10. Try to be the best you that you can be

    You often compare yourself to others and don’t feel like you are as good or lovable as them. The truth is you will never be as good as your brother at being your brother, so don’t even try. Rather than comparing yourself to who others are today, try to compare yourself to who you were yesterday. As long as you strive to be a better person each day, that is all you can do. Be proud of yourself for who you are and for the effort you put in. Although you don’t see it all the time, know that mum and dad are proud of you and love you too. Unfortunately, they don’t always show it the way you want them to, but they do care. Your life will be pretty cool in the future, and it doesn’t keep getting harder, so try not to worry about the future too much. Instead, focus on what is healthy and in your control each day. The future will take care of itself.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • Positive Psychology – The Secret to Optimal Well-being

    Positive Psychology – The Secret to Optimal Well-being

    For many years, Psychologists focused exclusively on alleviating suffering. A worthy objective, but the treatments tried to reduce depression or anxiety, not increase happiness or life satisfaction. If someone is no longer feeling sad, will they suddenly feel happy? Perhaps, but not necessarily.

    The field of Positive Psychology tries to address these concerns.

    Martin Seligman has written three major Positive Psychology self-help books titled ‘Learned Optimism’, ‘Authentic Happiness’ and ‘Flourish’.

    Seligman was interested in studying depression and ran some experiments at the University of Pennsylvania in the late 1960s to develop his theory of learned helplessness. Initially, the dogs were given electric shocks at random intervals and were not allowed to stop the shocks or escape the situation. After a while, even when Seligman provided the dogs with a chance to stop or exit the shocks, he found that they would not do anything about it. The relevance to people with depression is that an individual in an aversive environment who learns that they cannot change their outcome will continue to hold this belief even in situations where this isn’t the case. They won’t improve their position because they think it won’t make a difference anyway. But what if it does?

    ‘Learned Optimism’ was seen as the antidote to learned helplessness and focused on changing people’s outlooks and teaching them resiliency to better distinguish between things you can change and things that you can’t. By putting their energy into what they can do instead of blaming themselves for something out of their control, they became more motivated to develop knowledge and learn skills to make changes they desired in their lives. Regardless of what has happened in the past, having a slightly optimistic outlook on life leads to better emotional and physical health. It helps people persevere through the bad times, look after their health and put their best long-term interests first. Research has even shown that it can lead to a better survival rate following a heart attack.

    In ‘Authentic Happiness’, Martin Seligman extended these ideas and said that happiness was not just a matter of genes or good luck but could be sought out and created. You can do this by discovering your character strengths and virtues and putting these into action as much as possible.

    If you are interested in discovering what your natural character strengths are:

    1. Please go to www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu and fill out the VIA Survey of Character Strengths.

    2. The survey results will rank your Strengths from first to last. First, determine if your top 5 strengths are your key character strengths or virtues — you will know if the responses “feel right” to you. Then, if a lower-ranked item seems to better fit you than any of your top 5, write down your new top 5.

    3. Ask yourself, how much do you currently put these strengths into practice? In what ways do you apply them or live by them? For example, if love of learning or creativity is your highest ranked strength, do any changes need to be made in your life so that you can experience these more (e.g. study a new course or take on another creative pursuit)?

    4. If changes need to be made, set yourself some SMART (S — specific, M — measurable, A — attainable, R — realistic, T — timely) goals for how you can put these virtues into action. If these are your key character strengths and virtues, it is likely to lead to a higher overall sense of emotional well-being.

    In ‘Flourish’, Seligman proposed only five elements crucial for optimal psychological well-being or for someone to flourish. He called this his PERMA model of well-being:

    P — positive emotions — We all need love, joy, hope, compassion, gratitude, awe and excitement in our lives. What activities frequently bring about these emotions for you? Can they be sought out, or can you engage in these activities more regularly?

    E — engagement — Sometimes referred to as ‘flow’, engagement is the state when we are no longer in our heads or consumed with worries but completely immersed in whatever we are doing. By reading the book, ‘Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life’ by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I realised that we could create the conditions for these engagement experiences. Typically, you can achieve this with activities requiring some skill and challenge but not too much. So it is when I am playing a sport, in session with a client, or engaging in a creative pursuit. However, it is different for everyone and doesn’t always happen each time you do an activity. It is what athletes refer to when they are “in the zone” or what M. Scott Peck referred to when he spoke about how his best-selling book ‘The Road Less Traveled’ seemed to write itself. Mindfulness training, apart from its other benefits on stress, pain and prevention of depression relapse, can also lead to a higher likelihood of full engagement with a situation.

    R — positive relationships — Whether we are extroverted or introverted, humans are still social creatures who seek to be understood and accepted for who we are and have a sense of belonging with others. We also like to share experiences, as you will notice with any child who waits for their parents to look and see what they are doing before engaging in an action. It was the moral of the story in “Into the Wild”, the 2007 movie starring Emile Hirsch, where the main character wrote, “Happiness only real when shared”. But negative relationships also cause a lot of pain, so the secret may be in how to seek out and foster the right connections (e.g. friends, partners), as well as how to improve the ones that we already have or may not be able to choose (e.g. family, bosses). If you are having problems with this area of your life, the book ‘The Relationship Cure’ by John Gottman is an excellent place to start, as is seeking out a trained relationship therapist.

    M — meaning — Friedrich Nietzsche first said: “he who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Viktor Frankl also determined in ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ that purpose was required to withstand the daily atrocities he faced as a Jewish prisoner of a German concentration camp during World War II. Frankl, a Psychiatrist, believed so much about the importance of meaning that he developed a treatment called Logotherapy, which focused on helping others find meaning. He dedicated the second half of his book towards this goal and his subsequent psychotherapy. Depending on your beliefs, there may or may not be a universal meaning of life, but each individual must determine its importance. Where possible, it is then essential to try to live your life in that way, as long as it doesn’t break the laws of your society or cause harm to others. Values clarification exercises can assist with this.

    A — achievement — People like to achieve things, succeed, and win for their own sake. It is why there are so many cheats for video games and corruption in the corporate world, and drug cheats in athletic competition. So many people will do what they can to win. Achievement can be winning something, gaining knowledge, building skills, or completing a task. Having three achievable goals each day would go a long way towards improved well-being.

    Psychology is about more than the alleviation of suffering. It is about helping people understand, grow, develop mastery and self-efficacy, and live the best life they can!

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • How Can We Effectively Manage Guilt and Shame?

    How Can We Effectively Manage Guilt and Shame?

    What are shame and guilt?

    Neuropsychologist Dr Harvey Jones and I discuss shame and guilt and how to manage these tough emotions in our latest podcast.

    The fascinating and comprehensive book ‘Shame and Guilt’ by June Tangney and Ronda Dearing describe shame and guilt as universal human emotions that are functionally important at both an individual and a relationship level.

    Features shared by shame and guilt (Tangney & Dearing, 2002):

    Shame and guilt are both very private and personal emotions. They are predominantly internal experiences that are more difficult to observe or measure than other universal emotions, such as anger, sadness or joy.

    Yet, they are also social emotions, in that these emotions develop during interpersonal interactions with our family and those closest to us.

    Both shame and guilt can be classed as “moral” emotions in that our experience of them can hopefully propel us to act more morally.

    They are both closely linked with how we see ourselves about others. They continue to profoundly influence our behaviour in interpersonal situations throughout our lives, especially in contexts involving perceived transgressions, mistakes or moral failures.

    Shame and guilt both involve becoming self-conscious following a personal transgression and evaluating our behaviour about our perceived self, familial and societal norms. Based on this evaluation and what we internally attribute the violation to, we judge our behaviour and potentially internal sanctions towards ourselves if we deem the behaviour morally or socially unacceptable.

    Although Philosophers and Psychoanalysts have been theorising about shame and guilt for over a century, it is only really since the late 1980s that Psychologists have begun to systematically research and examine the nature of shame and guilt and the implications that these emotions and experiences have. Unfortunately, as well as being difficult to observe directly, many people tend not to have a clear understanding of the differences between shame and guilt.

    Features where shame and guilt differ (Tangney & Dearing, 2002):

    Focus of evaluation

    • With shame, the focus of the evaluation is on the global self (e.g., “I am horrible!”)
    • With guilt, the focus of the evaluation is on the specific behaviour (e.g., “What I did was horrible!”)

    Degree of distress

    • With shame, the degree of distress is generally much higher than with guilt, with more significant pain.
    • With guilt, the degree of distress is generally much lower than with shame, with less pain.

    Phenomenological experience

    • With shame, people tend to shrink and feel worthless, powerless and small
    • With guilt, people tend to feel tense, remorseful, and regretful

    Operation of “self.”

    • With shame, the self becomes split into an “observing self” and an “observer self.”
    • With guilt, a unified self remains intact

    Impact on “self.”

    • With shame, the self becomes impaired by a global devaluation (because of the focus of evaluation on the self)
    • With guilt, the self is unimpaired by a global devaluation (because the focus of the evaluation is on the specific behaviour)

    Concern vis-a-vis the “other.”

    • With shame, one becomes concerned with an internalised others’ evaluation of the self.
    • With guilt, one becomes concerned with the effect that their specific behaviour has had on others.

    Counterfactual processes

    • With shame, one tries to mentally undo the undesirable aspects of the self that have become apparent through denial, defensiveness, blaming others or aggression.
    • With guilt, one tries to mentally undo the undesirable aspects of their behaviour through being moral, caring, socially responsible and constructive.

    Motivational features

    • With shame, the desire is to hide, escape, or strike back
    • With guilt, the desire is to confess, apologise, or repair

    How to measure Shame and Guilt

    I challenge you to take the Test of Self-Conscious Affect (TOSCA Version 3) to determine if you are more prone to shame, guilt or blaming others across work and social situations.

    When I took it, my results were:

    “I seldom blame others.”

    “I use guilt self-talk an average amount.”

    and

    “I use shame self-talk an average amount.”

    It was nice to see that I do not blame others when I realise that I have made a mistake and am often accountable and responsible for my actions. However, it does seem that I tend to punish myself too much following a transgression. But what do these findings mean for real life?

    The TOSCA has been used widely in studies on shame and guilt since 1989. It defines guilt as a more adaptive response to a situation where the focus is on the desire to repair or right the specific wrong caused. Conversely, shame is a less adaptive response where the attention is on a global negative self-evaluation without any reparation generally being taken.

    Research Findings on Shame and Guilt

    Research findings using the TOSCA have found that “Shame and guilt have important and quite different implications for interpersonal relationships.” For example, based on 12 years of research, Tangney and Dearing (2002) have found that:

    Individuals who are prone to shame:

    • They are more likely to blame others for adverse events through humiliating others, bullying, and violence.
    • They are more likely to experience bitterness, resentment and a seething kind of anger and hostility towards others and the world. They are also inclined to express their anger in aggressive and non-constructive ways, particularly in close interpersonal relationships. The shame-anger dynamic may help explain what occurs in many domestic violence incidents.
    • They are less likely to be empathetic, as the global self-focus of shame impedes sensitivity and impairs connection.
    • They are more likely to be vulnerable to a range of psychological difficulties through internalising the shame, including depression, low self-worth, self-loathing, eating disorders, and addiction.
    • They are more likely to be suspended from high school, use illicit drugs, engage in unsafe sex practices, abuse their spouses and attempt suicide (when individuals were first assessed in fifth grade and then followed up on years later).

    Individuals who are prone to guilt:

    • They are more likely to understand, empathise and connect with others.
    • They are more likely to accept responsibility for their transgressions.
    • They are less likely to be angry, hostile and aggressive. Conversely, people who feel guilty and angry are more likely to express what they feel assertively and constructively.
    • They are less likely to experience psychopathology as long as the guilt is “shame-free.”
    • They are more likely to apply to college, engage in community service, begin drinking alcohol at a later age, and use birth control (when individuals were first assessed in fifth grade and then followed up on years later). They were also less likely to try heroin, drive while intoxicated, and be arrested or convicted of a crime.

    Is guilt always a helpful emotion?

    No. Two maladaptive forms of guilt (Kim, Thibodeau & Jorgensen, 2011) have been correlated with depressive symptoms to a similar degree to what shame is. These are contextual-maladaptive guilt, which involves an “exaggerated responsibility for uncontrollable events,” and generalised guilt, which involves “free-floating guilt that is unrelated to any specific context” (Kim, Thibodeau & Jorgensen, 2011). This excessive or inappropriate guilt would not be helpful to experience regularly.

    What Can We Do?

    A. Manage guilt effectively

    With guilt, the steps for dealing with the emotion are pretty straightforward:

    1. Has a transgression occurred where you have not lived up to your own (or an internalised other’s) moral standards?
    2. Can you make up for this transgression in any way?
    • By taking responsibility for your action?
    • By fixing the mistake and cleaning up the mess?
    • By genuinely apologising and showing remorse for your actions?
    • By understanding and empathising with the person if you hurt them?

    3. How can you learn from the mistake so that you are less likely to repeat the same transgression in the future?

    4. What plan can you put in place so that you are less likely to repeat the same transgression in the future?

    If you feel guilty for having a particular thought, please understand that we cannot control what ideas pop into our consciousness. What we can control is how we interpret or respond to the ideas that do arise. Considering that we have at least 10,000 thoughts a day, it is implausible that all of these thoughts will be positive, happy, kind, pro-social thoughts.

    No transgression has occurred if it is just a thought, and there is no need to feel guilty, no matter how antisocial, nasty, sinful or taboo these thoughts may seem. A court of law can never charge you for impure thoughts. You do not need to put yourselves on trial either. Even psychologically healthy people have weird or unsettling ideas, as evidenced by this list of common intrusive thoughts (Purdon & Clark, 1992). Our actions define our character and how others see us, not our internal monologue. The above steps only need to be worked through when your efforts do not live up to the person you would like to be.

    Once you have worked through these steps, there are no additional benefits that you can achieve by continuing to feel guilty, punishing yourself for your transgression, or not forgiving yourself for your actions. Everyone makes mistakes. We must utilise guilt as an indicator that we have not been living consistently with our most important values and then practice these steps to get back on track.

    If you continue to feel guilty after this, try to accept your feelings and make room for the emotional experience. Then try to change your focus to whatever is most important to you in the present moment. For example, it could be the sport or computer game you are playing or connecting with others if you are out socialising. By asking yourself, “What’s Most Important Right Now?” it becomes a lot easier to get out of a cycle of ruminating about what you have done and feeling guilty for it.

    B. Encourage parents, teachers, bosses, managers, coaches, and mentors to help others to learn from their behavioural mistakes so that they can improve and maintain a positive sense of self, rather than criticising who they are or shaming them for doing something wrong

    We must educate people in these roles about the differences between shame and guilt and let them know that even if using shame seems to be effective in changing behaviour in the short term, it can have devastating long-term consequences. It can damage your relationship with the person and their mental health and behaviour.

    Shaming children is especially dangerous and shows them that their love, worth and approval is conditional. As a result of being shamed, children will eventually give up, become rebellious, try to be perfect, or subjugate their own needs and please others to maintain their fragile sense of being loveable, good enough or worthy.

    Once people become knowledgeable about focusing on the specific behaviour rather than the person as a whole, it can enhance their sensitivity and effectiveness in all relationships.

    C. Develop a Growth Mindset

    I have previously spoken about mindsets, as researched by Carol Dweck. When examining the difference between shame and guilt, I noticed the similarities between shame and a fixed mindset and guilt and a growth mindset.

    Both guilt and a growth mindset are focused on improving following setbacks, rather than remaining stuck, giving up or blaming someone else for your shortcomings. In addition, research indicates that you can cultivate a growth mindset over time.

    The similarities between guilt and a growth mindset suggest that it is also possible to change from being more shame-prone to being more guilt-prone. As you become more guilt-prone, you will begin to learn from your experiences and continue to grow without being held back by the transgressions that you have made in the past.

    D. Embrace your imperfections, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and share your feelings of shame with those that have earned the right to hear your story

    In “The Gifts of Imperfection’, Brene Brown defines shame as the following:

    “shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

    Brene Brown

    Brene has found that shame needs the three ingredients of secrecy, silence, and judgment for it to grow and spiral out of control in our lives. She also believes that we all experience shame to some degree and that even though we are afraid to talk about what we are ashamed of, it is actually by talking about our shame that we are least likely to be controlled by it.

    “If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way — especially shame, fear and vulnerability”

    Brene Brown

    How to become more shame Resilient (Brown, 2010):

    1. Understand shame.
    2. Recognise what triggers shame for you, both externally (e.g., other people’s critical messages) and internally (e.g., your unrealistic expectations).
    3. Check to see if these criticisms or expectations are realistic or accurate.
    4. Realise that being imperfect does not mean the same as being inadequate or unworthy of love.
    5. Reach out to people who have earned the right to hear your shame experiences.
    6. Talk about what makes you feel ashamed and whatever else you may be feeling about the experience.
    7. Ask for the type of support that you need from them. It could be some kind words or reassurance. It could be something they can do for you (even if it is turn up and listen). It could be some hand-holding, back rubbing, or a hug. Or it could be some quality time, something to cheer you up, or a fun outing to help you change focus and move on.

    Once our previously shameful experiences are out in the open, we begin to own our story and realise that we are loveable and worthy, just the way we are. Although it is easier to experience this if our closest relationships provide us with unconditional acceptance, love, and belonging, we only need one person we can open to for shame to reduce and improve. If there is no one in your life that you would feel comfortable talking to about your shame, then a psychologist you feel safe with can help.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • 10 Traits of Highly Successful People

    10 Traits of Highly Successful People

    Tom Butler-Bowden’s book ’50 Success Classics: Winning Wisdom for Work & Life from 50 Landmark Books’ suggests ten characteristics that successful people have. They are:

    1. An optimistic outlook

    In ‘Learned Optimism,’ Martin Seligman shows that having an optimistic mindset or favourable expectations towards the future leads to better mental and physical health. Upbeat individuals have better immune functioning and are less likely to develop depression (Carver et al., 2010). They are also more likely to persevere in tough challenges and are more likely to experience psychological growth following a traumatic experience (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2009). Optimism can also reduce mortality rates over four years (Galatzer-Levy & Bonanno, 2014) and forty years (Brummett, Helms, Dahlstrom, & Siegler, 2006).

    The good news is that you can develop an optimistic mindset. A recent meta-analysis by Malouff and Schutte (2016) showed that across 29 studies, an individual’s optimism level does significantly increase with training. The most effective way to do this is with the ‘Best Possible Self’ intervention:

    “Imagine yourself in the future after everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded in accomplishing all the goals of your life …” — Boselie et al., 2014, p. 335

    Optimism training works. However, it would be best to keep it up as the benefits typically wane once the intervention has finished.

    2. A definite aim, purpose, or vision

    “The primary cause of success in life is the ability to set and achieve goals. That’s why the people who do not have goals are doomed forever to work for the people who do. You either work to achieve your own goals or work to achieve someone else’s.”

    Brian Tracy

    Although I like this quote, Stephen Covey provides a caveat when he says that there is no point exerting all of your energy climbing up a ladder leaning against the wrong wall. First, we must determine where it is that we would like to climb.

    “The key to prospering and adapting in the coming decades amidst an ever-escalating rate of change is to first be clear about and resolutely dedicated to what you stand for and why that should never change. You must then be just as resolutely willing to change absolutely everything else.”

    J.W. Marriott Jr.

    Successful people are clear on what their values are and what they stand for before taking purposeful action. Values clarification and committed action are two of the six essential components of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, with the other four elements focused on teaching clients mindfulness skills. According to the American Psychological Association, ACT has strong research support for chronic pain and modest research support for depression, anxiety, OCD and psychosis.

    Chase and colleagues (2013) found that goal setting alone did not affect students grade point averages (GPAs) across a semester. However, it did when they provided training in values clarification alongside goal setting—furthermore, clarifying values before setting goals also significantly reduced the dropout rate of these students the following semester (Chase et al., 2013).

    3. A willingness to work hard and persevere

    “There is absolutely no limit to what plain, ordinary people can accomplish if they’re given the opportunity and the encouragement and the incentive to do their best. It takes risk, hard work, knowing where you want to go and being willing to do what it takes to get there.”

    Sam Walton

    Professor Angela Duckworth studied the West Point Military Academy students over some years and determined which ones graduated. She knew that each cadet admitted to West Point was intelligent, physically fit, with excellent grades and test scores. However, she was also aware that nearly 6% of the cadets dropped out during the first seven weeks (Beast Barracks training), and one-fifth dropped out before graduation.

    Eventually, Duckworth identified two qualities that were more predictive than anything else for determining which students made it to the end: 1. passion and 2. perseverance. Together, they make up a quality known as grit. People who score high in grit are much more likely to put in the effort required, do whatever it takes and persist until they succeed. She has since found that grit is a great predictor of success in other areas too.

    “Often we are caught in a mental trap of seeing enormously successful people and thinking they are where they are because they have some special gift. Yet a closer look shows that the greatest gift that extraordinarily successful people have over the average person is their ability to get themselves to take action.”

    Anthony Robbins

    4. Discipline to work until goals are achieved

    “Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage… Genuine success requires both courage and character — patience, discipline and rationality.”

    Claude Bristol

    Duckworth and colleagues (2010) have also researched self-discipline and show that you need to sustain this for long-term commitment and implementation. Without this self-discipline, adolescents struggle to set long-term goals and strive towards them.

    Fortunately, it can be improved using two strategies:

    1. Mental contrasting — elaborate upon a future that you desire with the relevant obstacles that you currently face.
    2. Implementation intentions — identify the action you will take when an opportunity arises that is relevant to your goal.

    Compared to a control writing exercise, eleventh-grade students who spent 30-minutes writing on the above two strategies completed over 60% more practice questions in preparation for a high-stakes exam. Because of the writing exercises, they had a higher level of self-discipline in pursuing a meaningful goal (Duckworth et al., 2010). Over time, self-discipline can result in higher knowledge, deeper understanding, and better results and grades.

    “The first step on the road to success is good character. The second is openness to new perspectives. The third is ensuring that daily action is shaped by higher aims, with the knowledge that you always reap what you sow.” 

    Stephen Covey

    5. An integrated mind utilising both logic and intuition

    In his excellent book “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, Daniel Kahneman talks about our two systems of interpreting the world.

    The first one, appropriately named ‘system one,’ is perceived quickly, instinctual, and generally our emotional reaction or intuition. ‘System two’ takes more effort and time to access but is also more rational and logical.

    As Kahneman shows in his research, people typically use heuristics when making decisions or judgments. Heuristics are generally adequate but not optimal solutions to severe problems. Heuristics use our first system and help us conserve brainpower, but they are only accurate about 80% of the time.

    Successful people can utilise both system one and system two. System one is excellent if the decision has minimal long-term consequences, such as what to have for dinner. If the decision has potentially significant implications, however, such as whether or not to buy a house or change jobs, the more energy depleting and accurate system two will be better, even if it takes more time to come up with the correct answer for you.

    “Stroll through the open spaces of time to the center of opportunity. Wise hesitation ripens success and brings secrets to maturity. The crutch of time can do more than the steely club of Hercules.. Fortune gives large rewards to those who wait.”

    Baltasar Gracian

    6. Prolific reading

    Reading fiction is great for developing empathy towards others. It provides an opportunity to see inside the characters heads and experience their inner world in a way that you often don’t get in movies or TV shows. It helps develop imagination, as the brain creates the visual images that it reads in words on the page. Thirty minutes of reading can significantly reduce stress, as indicated by lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure and lowered heart rate (Rizzolo, Zipp, Stiskal & Simpkins, 2009).

    I love reading non-fiction because I can learn from experts in psychology and related fields for such a low cost. If I were to see them give a talk or book a one-on-one consult, I might be paying up to $1000, and it would only be scratching the surface of all of the fantastic knowledge that they have accumulated in their lives. That is if I could even get a chance to see them. A book in comparison is $30 or less and contains the majority of their pearls of wisdom in one place. Sure, some books can take a while to get through. However, the value for money and knowledge gained is worth it.

    “The movers and the shakers of the world are often professional modellers — people who have mastered the art of learning everything they can by following other people’s experiences rather than their own.” 

    Anthony Robbins

    7. The willingness to take risks

    There is a big difference between constantly engaging in risky behaviour and being willing to take risks when it is a sound decision to make. Someone like Sir Richard Branson has taken many chances with his Virgin empire, and if it weren’t for these risks, he wouldn’t have been able to expand and grow at the level that he has. For optimal success, you need to take some degree of risk.

    “People that don’t risk anything will inevitably find themselves behind those that do. You can lead a change or it can lead you.”

    J.W. Marriott Jr.

    However, recent research on female and male CEOs supports the notion that too much risk isn’t a good thing either. Faccio, Marchica and Mura (2016) found that firms run by male CEOs tend to make riskier decisions, with generally higher leverage and more volatile earnings than firms run by female CEOs. They are also less likely to remain in operation than firms run by female CEOs (Faccio et al., 2016). More significant risks may lead to higher growth but also a higher risk of overall collapse.

    8. Understanding the power of expectation

    Successful people think big instead of small and believe that they can achieve anything they set their mind to, even if it takes more effort, setbacks and time than they initially envisioned. Furthermore, look out if thinking big combines grit, a growth mindset, and the right timing. There’s no saying how much someone could achieve.

    “When our attitude toward ourselves is big, and our attitude towards others is generous and merciful, we attract big and generous portions of success.” 

    Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone

    Research indicates that individuals who believe they can improve are more likely to grow (Bergsma, 2008). Higher expectations strengthen hope, increase determination and goal completion (Geraghty, Wood, & Hyland, 2010). Higher expectations of the outcome can also improve distress tolerance (Williams, Thompson, & Andrews, 2013).

    9. Developing mastery in what is most important to them

    “The world does not dictate what you shall do, but it does require that you be a master in whatever you undertake.” 

    Orison Swett Marden

    While it may be tempting to try to learn as many different things as possible, the saying “jack of all trades; master of none” often becomes the consequence for people that try to take on too many different projects or career paths all at once.

    Warren Buffett once said to his pilot that he should write down the top 25 things he wanted to do in life. Then circle his top 5 priorities and label items 6–25 as “avoid at all costs” until you complete items 1–5.

    Reaching mastery can take a long time. In many cases, up to 10,000 hours of deliberate practice, as proposed by Malcolm Gladwell and Anders Ericsson. Ten thousand hours equates to nearly 7 hours a day of deliberate practice, every day, for four straight years. So it makes sense not to spread yourself too thin unless you want to develop mastery in nothing.

    “I believe the true road to pre-eminent success in any line is to make yourself master of that line. I have no faith in the policy of scattering one’s resources.” 

    Andrew Carnegie

    10. Well-roundedness and balance

    Developing proficiency and accumulating achievements in one area of your life may not mean much if you are not a success as a person.

    “No kind action is ever lost. You will be indebted to these trifles for some of the happiest attentions and the most pleasing incidents of (your) life.” 

    Andrew Carnegie

    After watching ‘The Founder’ movie based on the life of Ray Kroc, I was appalled by how willing he was to trample on anyone in his way throughout his pursuit of wealth and power without a second thought. He ignored his first wife, poached the wife of another business associate, didn’t keep his word, and screwed the initial founders of McDonald’s for millions of dollars annually.

    Ray Kroc was also a workaholic, with his famous catchphrase “if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean” still repeated throughout McDonald’s franchises worldwide.

    “Without time for recovery, our lives become a blur of doing unbalanced by much opportunity for being.” 

    Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz

    Suppose you dedicate no time to personal growth, spiritual growth, health, relaxation, leisure, relationships and community. Then, it would become tough to have the well-being, vitality, meaning and support required to achieve ongoing success.

    My two cents

    Remember, relationship warmth is the number one predictor of long-term health and happiness, not how much money you have in the bank or how hard you have worked.

    Focus on building genuine connections and a sense of belonging with others who embrace you for who you are. Don’t let old friendships go by if they give you these things.

    “Various scientific studies have proven that if you learn how to deal with other people, you will have gone about 85% of the way down the road to success in any business, occupation, or profession, and about 99% of the way down the road to personal happiness.” 

    Les Giblin

    Try to be kind, compassionate, patient and accepting to others, but also yourself. No one is perfect, and we all fall into the same traps time and time again. However, if you can learn from these mistakes, you will improve and grow.

    Lastly, try to accumulate positive experiences, not things. Materialism and consumerism are empty pursuits, void of meaning and purpose. Doing fun, new or helpful things alongside the people you love never is.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • How High is Your Physical Intelligence?

    How High is Your Physical Intelligence?

    Physical intelligence is concerned with how different environmental elements interact with our senses to influence or distort our perceptions, judgments, and emotions. These influences then affect our subsequent behaviours.

    In her excellent book ‘Sensation’, Thalma Lobel has neatly summarised all of the critical findings accumulated so far in the emerging field of physical intelligence, or ‘embodied cognition’.

    Like emotional intelligence, physical intelligence appears to be something that can be developed and improved over time. It firstly requires understanding the biases inherent in the interaction between our sensory-motor experiences and the physical environment. Second, it needs an excellent present moment awareness of these biases so that our judgment and actions are adaptive rather than reactive.

    Let’s have a look at how high your physical intelligence is and quick ways that you could improve it:

    1. Temperature

    Q: Should you offer someone a warm or a cold drink when you first meet them if you are trying to make a good first impression?

    In 2008, Williams and Bargh recruited 41 students at Yale and had the experimenter ask half of them to hold a hot cup of coffee for them on the way to the laboratory to ask them a few questions and write down the responses on a clipboard. The other participants held an iced coffee for comparison. They then went to the lab, were given the exact description of a fictitious person, and asked to rate this person on a list of additional traits. Participants who held the hot cup of coffee rated the fictional person as significantly more generous and caring than those who held the iced coffee, even though the participants were not even aware that the cup holding was part of the experiment.

    Subsequent studies have supported this finding in showing that giving someone a physically warm drink contributes to perceiving you or others to be emotionally warmer, which would usually lead to a better first impression.

    Q: Can being treated ‘coldly’ by others lead to a room feeling colder?

    Interestingly, our perception of temperature can change depending on how others treat us or what we think. For example, when we are treated kindly by others, room temperature is typically reported to be higher than it is. Conversely, even thinking of an incident of social exclusion led to the same room feeling 2.6 degrees cooler than in a group that experimenters asked to consider an occurrence of social inclusion (21.4 degrees vs 24 degrees). The way to mitigate this and the feeling of pain that someone experiences following social exclusion? A warm object or drink.

    2. Weight

    Q: Do secrets physically weigh us down?

    In 2003, Profitt and colleagues discovered that when we are carrying a heavy weight, we perceive a hill to be steeper or the distance of something to be further than if we are unencumbered. Seems pretty straightforward, seeing that carrying a heavy backpack would require more effort, and our brain wouldn’t want us to take it as far so that it could conserve energy.

    Interestingly, Slepian and colleagues took this a step further in 2012 and found that having or thinking about a big secret can lead to similar findings as carrying something heavy. By instructing participants to think about a meaningful personal secret, they also perceived a steeper hill. They overshot a target with a beanbag (because they perceived it to be further away) than a control group instructed to think about something trivial. So yes, secrets can weigh us down and make us feel like everything requires more energy and effort, especially physical tasks like climbing the stairs with groceries or helping someone move house.

    If we want to reduce the physical burden secrets have on us, we need to express them and get them “off our shoulders”. Research shows that writing about traumatic experiences or sharing things that we are ashamed of with others that we trust (or a professional such as a psychologist) unburden us and make us feel lighter and better going forward.

    3. Texture

    Q: Do you get trendy but hard chairs or traditional soft chairs if you’re opening a new office or business?

    The texture of materials matters. Soft or fluffy texture often helps people to relax more, be more flexible and feel more comfortable. In contrast, hard, rough or uncomfortable surfaces make people feel more tense, rigid or uptight.

    Wooden, plastic or metal chairs may look great in a new restaurant but may not be so good if it leads to customers thinking the waiting staff are less friendly. However, even if the soft and comfy chairs are more expensive, the long-term benefits could be worth it, especially with internet reviews these days. It may just be the difference between a 4-star and a 5-star review.

    There are situations where you may want to be ‘hard’, such as a lawyer who needs to be assertive and firm to negotiate a tough deal. If that’s the case, bring out the impressively looking but uncomfortable chairs. Also, turn up the air-conditioning, and offer them a glass of icy cold water (see #1).

    4. Colour

    Q: Can a team’s uniform colour impact how many fouls referees call in a sports game?

    Unfortunately, yes. In a 1988 study, Frank and Gilovich presented two identical football game videos to college football fans and professional referees. In one video, the primary team wore a white uniform, and in the other video, the primary team wore a black uniform. The videos were otherwise identical. The fans and the refs commented on how aggressively the teams played and how many penalties they would award. The results were staggering, with the black team receiving significantly more fouls and being perceived as more aggressive by refs and fans alike, even though the only difference was the colour of the uniform.

    Q: What colour is best to wear to a job interview then?

    The colour that probably makes the most significant statement, particularly in power and dominance, is red. It’s why Tiger Woods always used to wear red shirts on the final day of competition back when he was on top of the world and winning all of his majors. The colour red significantly diminishes performance and motivation in others when they see it.

    Red is also the colour that politicians wear when they want to appear powerful. Research findings have linked red with a perception of higher status and success in males and higher attractiveness in females. So keep an eye out for the tie colour the next time you see a male politician in the media. When they want to seem kind and caring, they tend to wear baby blue, and on Election Day or when they want to display conviction or strength, it will be red.

    So if it’s a business or leadership or management interview, red or black is likely to be the best colour to wear. However, if it’s a role in a helping profession where a softer side is more desired, light blue or white may be better for an interview.

    5. Cleanliness

    Q: Who is more likely to lie — someone about to shower or someone who has just finished?

    If you want to find out the truth from someone, don’t ask them straight after a shower. The questioned person will find it much easier to stretch the truth when they feel clean, as they have a “clean conscience”. Just after a workout and before a shower, they may feel sweaty, dirty or unclean, and therefore will find it less easy to tell a fib. Instead, go for a run or to the gym or play sport together, and then ask away.

    Q: What about willingness to help others — someone who has just washed their hands or someone who hasn’t?

    In 2006, Zhong and Liljenquist instructed student participants to recall an unethical deed in writing. The experimenters told half of the group to use an antiseptic wipe to clean their hands after typing their act on a computer, whereas the other group did not wash their hands. Both groups could then volunteer by participating in another student’s research project without receiving any compensation. More participants in the no washing group agreed to volunteer for the additional study than those who had cleaned their hands(74% compared to 41%).

    Follow-up studies also found a higher tolerance of other dubious acts, including cheating, following any actions that led to people feeling cleaner. The more that an individual feels that their physical slate is clean, the more space they have to accommodate for things that feel morally dirty.

    6. Posture and Confidence

    Q: How can our physical space be utilised to feel more confident or powerful?

    If you want to feel more confident, try power posing. For example, stand over a table with both of your hands pressed down for one minute. Or lean back in a chair with your legs up and hands back behind your head. Both poses can increase testosterone, leading to greater feelings of power, confidence and assertiveness.

    Be careful of how you hold yourself in your space too. For example, arms crossed, shoulders hunched, or head lowered indicate less confidence or friendliness, whereas standing up straight with an open posture and appropriate eye contact often represents someone who is welcoming and comfortable in their own space.

    7. Physical Space and Creativity

    Q: What are some easy ways to become more creative?

    • Get a box, and put it next to you while you are brainstorming ideas. It will help you think more abstractly by “thinking outside the box” on a physical level.
    • Do everything with your opposite hand. You will pay more attention, and it will make you think about things differently.
    • Engage in your morning routine backwards.
    • Get out into nature, or look at a picture of nature.
    • Keep a cluttered or semi-cluttered desk. An environment that is too clean stifles creativity.
    • Work in an environment of approximately 70 decibels. A local coffee shop is generally about this volume, so some writers prefer to do their work there (I previously thought they just wanted to look trendy).
    • If you want to come up with opposing ideas, or reasons why you shouldn’t do something, place the left hand up high in the air, and say “on the one hand…”, then raise the right hand and lower the left hand and say “then on the other.” It may seem silly, but doing this helps us to think of more opposing points.

    How does it work?

    Physical intelligence, or embodied cognition, is about how metaphors and abstract concepts are grounded in and related to our physical experiences. We first learn how to interact with our world on a non-verbal, physical and sensory level before we understand the verbal level of language and metaphor. Language skills, therefore, build upon and utilise our previous sensory and physical experiences. It is why the same brain areas light up in neuroimaging studies when we see the sentence “I had a rough day” as when we are touching a rough object. However, a different and unrelated area will light up when we see the sentence “I had a bad day”, even though bad and rough have similar meanings.

    Although some metaphors might now seem outdated, if they are things that most people had learned at some point when they were younger, they can be used to our advantage, depending on what we want to achieve.

    Whether you want to be warmer, more trustworthy, flexible, powerful, confident or creative, you can utilise your physical intelligence to change your feelings, perceptions, and behaviours. You can also influence how others perceive and react to you.

  • The Need to Belong

    The Need to Belong

    Before the industrial revolution, humans lived in small groups that they were born into and had minimal interaction outside these groups for the duration of their lives.

    Because humans were not great at surviving in the wild, we used our frontal lobes, communication skills and opposable thumbs to work together to build villages and castles that helped protect us from the outside elements, predators and other groups.

    Humans realised that we were safer, more secure, and less vulnerable by bonding and working together. But for the group to work, specific rules or social mores needed to be created and followed. Everyone had to contribute or play their role if they wanted to benefit from the increased resources and protection that the group provided.

    People who didn’t do their bit were at risk of being kicked out of the group, where they would have to fend for themselves or face the world on their own. Isolation typically led to an early and untimely death at the hands of dehydration, starvation, extreme weather, predatory animals or other humans.

    Based on the above story, it makes sense why evolution favoured fitting in and getting along with others over being authentic to ourselves. A potentially hefty price to pay, especially if you were very different from what the group wanted you to be, but worth it if it was a matter of life or death.

    Fast forward to the 21st century

    We suddenly live in a much more mobile world, where it is possible to meet and interact with more people in a single afternoon than our ancestors may have encountered in their entire lifetime.

    Groups and social hierarchies still exist and are much more complicated than ever in many ways. However, they are also more fluid. People can now change their position in the hierarchy or even leave their group entirely or move to another country and start over again if they don’t get the benefits they would like.

    Being excluded from groups or rejected by others is generally no longer a matter of life or death, especially once we become adults. So why does it still feel that way?

    Since the industrial revolution, technology and society have changed so rapidly in the modern and post-modern world compared to how things were in the past that it has been impossible for evolution to keep up. For example, the amount of information in the world used to double about every century. Some now say it is every thirteen months, and IBM said it could one day be as quick as every 12 hours. We are, therefore, still genetically programmed to fit in rather than be our authentic selves, even when it isn’t in our best long-term interests.

    We obey authority, even when it means causing harm to an innocent other (the infamous Stanley Milgram experiment):

    We take on the roles that are given to us and can become cruel in the process (the infamous Robert Zimbardo prison experiment):

    We also conform to everyone else’s opinions in the group, even when it is reasonably apparent that they are all wrong.

    The Pressure to Conform

    In the 1950s, Solomon Asch did a series of experiments looking at the power of social conformity. He brought male participants into the lab and asked them to be part of “a simple perceptual experiment”. Asch first instructed the participants to look at a series of three different sized straight black lines on a card — a short line (A), a long line (B), and a medium-length line (C).

    He then randomly presented one of these three lines on cards for 18 trials and asked the participant and seven other individuals the line they saw — A, B or C.

    Unbeknownst to the participant, the other seven individuals in the room who responded before him were confederates or actors in the experiment. For the first two trials, the confederates all gave the correct answer, as would the participant, but on the third trial, and 11 out of the subsequent 15 attempts, the confederates all gave the same incorrect answer.

    How the participant answered on these incorrect trials indicated the influence of social conformity. Disturbingly, up to 75% of participants gave the same incorrect answer on at least one trial, with the majority experiencing a distortion of judgment over time, where they assumed that their perception must be wrong and the majority’s perception right. There was a sharp contrast to the results in the control group, where there was no pressure to conform, and the error rate was less than 1%, indicating that it was easy to determine which line was which.

    Even with easy decisions, it is possible to begin to doubt ourselves quickly if what we believe goes against the opinions of the majority. We may also start to question our perceptions and experiences. It’s, therefore, no wonder that so many people give up on what they may individually know or believe in so that they can fit in with the group. It doesn’t make it right, however. If who we are or what we think is different to the majority, what is the best thing to do?

    The Possible Solutions

    #1 — Be true to yourself, never be afraid to say anything and always stand up for what you believe.

    While this may seem like the obvious solution, it does appear to be too idealistic and too simplistic. Speaking up, especially to the wrong type of authority figure (boss, teacher, parent, government official), puts us at risk of being punished or ostracised from the group each time we do it. Fortunately, we have the right to protest and say most things that we want to here in Australia, but each group still has its rules and social mores, and not following them can lead to exclusion and isolation. Sometimes speaking up is preferable, but it always comes with considerable risk and potentially significant consequences or emotional pain. What is important is that we try to reflect on things when we have time and try to make up our minds on the issues we care about. By doing this, we can hopefully remain secure and sure about what we believe in and share our opinions in safe settings.

    #2 — Don’t worry about the group and live the life that makes you happy by yourself.

    As long as we have a place to live and an income for food, water and leisure activities, we might be able to get by okay with shutting most people out. Some people take this path after they have gone through significant traumatic events, especially in the context of relationships. Maybe the pain of the social exclusion would lessen if it was self-imposed too, and some jobs require very little interaction with others.

    In reality, though, we are social creatures, and being so isolated from others would likely take its toll over time. It’s why solitary confinement is used as a form of punishment and as a deterrent in prisons. There is also endless amounts of research out there showing the beneficial aspects of social support for optimal physical and emotional health, especially after a traumatic physical or psychological event. Being around people that we share our world with and who care about us is required on some level.

    #3 — Find the right group where you can be as close to your authentic self as possible and are not only accepted by the group but loved and appreciated for this.

    The beauty of our flexible society and the world these days is that we can move if needed, change jobs, let go of old friends and partners if they are not suitable for us, and seek out new ones that are a better fit. But what should we look for in our friends? How do we know if the group is right for us? How do we figure out if it is likely to positively impact our physical and emotional well-being in the long run?

    In her book ‘Four Ways to Click: Rewire Your Brain for Stronger, More Rewarding Relationships’, Amy Banks suggests seeking out people who CARE. With these individuals, you feel:

    C — calm. You feel safe and secure being around them, sharing yourself with them and opening up to them.

    A — accepted. You feel like they accept you for who you are, and you feel the same way with them. You may not always agree with everything that the other person does, but you still appreciate them for who they are.

    R — resonant. You get each other. You can see how the other person thinks and feels and can accurately reflect that back to them. You feel that you connect, click and are on the same wavelength.

    E — energised. You feel energetic, motivated and maybe even inspired around each other. It is the opposite of a draining relationship.

    If you currently don’t feel calm, accepted, resonant or energised with anyone, I highly recommend reading the book, as it suggests some strategies to help rewire your brain to make these types of relationships possible in time.

    Otto Rank, a one-time disciple of Freud, believed that “life is an ongoing struggle between the desire for autonomy and union”. Both are important, and how much you choose to give up one for the other needs to be considered and determined at various points throughout our lives.

    Although some sacrifices do seem necessary, I’d like to hope that we are much closer to being able to have the capacity to be both our authentic selves and to connect with others truly. Of course, we first need to know ourselves. We then need to seek out the right people and groups to spend time with.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • Nostalgia Feels Nice, But What if the World is Getting Better and Not Worse?

    Nostalgia Feels Nice, But What if the World is Getting Better and Not Worse?

    One of my favourite movies of all-time is ‘Midnight in Paris’. Let’s just forget about the director of the film for a second, and focus on the main reason why I love it – nostalgia.

    In the movie, Gil, played by Owen Wilson, writes a novel about a character who owns a nostalgia shop. He idealises the past, especially the creative scene of Paris in the 1920s where Ernest Hemingway bumped shoulders with F. Scott Fitzgerald, Pablo Picasso, Gertrude Stein, Salvadore Dali and many other famous writers and artists.

    In the first great scene of the movie, after a few wines and a midnight stroll, Wilson’s character somehow finds himself at a party back in the 1920s, meeting all of these icons. While there, he also meets an intriguing woman, Adriana, played by Marion Cotillard, who idealises Paris in the 1890s.

    Later in the movie, they somehow step back to the 1890s together, and Adriana decides to stay there forever. Gil can’t understand this, as to him, the 1920s is the best decade and much better than his real-life back in the 21st century. Eventually, he realises that no matter what time you are in, the present will always be “a little unsatisfying, because life’s a little unsatisfying.”

    Earlier in the movie, Paul, played by Michael Sheen, explains the concept further:

    Nostalgia is denial — denial of the painful present… the name for this denial is golden age thinking — the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one’s living in — it’s a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.

    Because Paul is a jerk, what he said had little impact on Gil in that scene. But, eventually, Gil does see the truth and decides to break up with his obnoxious fiance and live a more authentic life to who he truly is in the 21st century. He then meets a girl who also idealises the 1920s.

    If you could go back to any time in history, would you, or would you choose to continue living in the present?

    It’s an interesting thought experiment to me, but I honestly do not believe that I would, unless I had a time machine that could also bring me back to 2024 after I’d spent a week there and had seen with my own eyes how things were.

    How are things improving?

    In the book Homo Deus, the author Yuval Noah Harari said that it has only been recently that wars, famine and plague are no longer the massive problems they once were.

    We have more people than ever, yet we are also much less violent than ever, with better medical care, a higher level of prosperity, a much lower infant mortality rate, and longer life expectancies than we have ever experienced in the past.

    We have come a long way concerning worker’s rights, children’s rights, women’s rights, animal rights, LGBTIQ rights, and the removal of legal discrimination based on race, sex, gender, culture, religion, or disability. Virtually any form of discrimination is now frowned upon, especially from a legal perspective in Western civilisation.

    In his latest book, “Enlightenment Now”, Steven Pinker shows that we are 100 times wealthier than we were 200 years ago, with a more even distribution of wealth than there used to be. Sure, the top 1% of earners still make more money than the bottom 99% combined, but things have kept improving for people at the bottom too.

    The poor have more technology now than the rich could have even dreamed of 150 years ago, We have better nutrition, stimulation, sanitation, and education, and our IQs have risen by 30 points in the last 100 years. That means that someone with an average IQ of 100 these days would have been considered a genius who was more intelligent than 98% of the population just a century ago.

    We are 200 times less likely to die from war than in the early 1940s, 96% less likely to die in a car crash, 95% less likely to die while at work, and 92% less likely to die in a fire. Even nuclear weapons have decreased by 85%, thanks to the joint efforts of the US and Russia to give up on their arms race (Pinker, 2018).

    Some say that our health is worse, but then why do we keep living longer than ever? The average life expectancy around the globe continues to rise, with some African countries increasing their life expectancy by more than ten years across the last decade. Individuals in these countries are therefore no closer to their death even though they are now ten years older!

    Some say that we have become more isolated and lonely. Most notably, a sociologist, Robert Putnam, wrote the best-selling book ‘Bowling Alone’. In this book, he explains that our social capital has declined since its peak in 1964. According to Putnam’s extensive data, we engage less in community life, see friends less, join clubs less, play sport less and generally do more things alone than we ever have before. We also watch a lot of television. As a result, Putnam says that we are suffering from higher rates of suicide and mental health disorders than ever before.

    It turns out that this may not be true, however. While we have a greater awareness of mental health conditions than we had in the past, we also have more people talking about their difficulties and seeking help. So, although rates of depression and anxiety are increasing in some surveys, this could mean a higher social acceptance of these conditions and a reduction of stigma around personally admitting to having mental health difficulties.

    Support for improved well-being across time is provided again by Pinker when he found that between 1981 and 2007, 45 out of 52 countries assessed exhibited higher rates of happiness in 2007 than they did in 1981. Loneliness also appears to be declining since 2000, at least amongst US college students (Pinker, 2018). So maybe the internet, smartphones and social media aren’t that bad for us after all?

    There is still a long way to go, but we are further along the path towards enlightenment than we have ever been in the past, which gives me optimism for the future. In addition, not watching the nightly news helps me see things how they are, rather than the fear and rage that media companies like to sell us.

    With the COVID-19 pandemic, it was easy to glorify the past before the world stopped and coronavirus turned things upside down. However, things were not always peachy before 2020. So, instead of just trying to rebuild the past, let’s create the best future that we can for as many people as possible.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • How to Spend Your Money for Optimal Happiness

    How to Spend Your Money for Optimal Happiness

    Not all the best things in life are free.

    I was on holiday in Queenstown, New Zealand, back in 2016 and was amazed at how beautiful the scenery was. I was also amazed by how many experiences were on offer for people visiting or living there.

    On my first day in Queenstown, I walked into the town. I immediately saw brochures for the speedboats, canyon swings, skydiving, mountain biking, snowboarding and heli-skiing in several shop windows.

    I began hiking up a mountain, and suddenly someone whirred by me through the trees on a zip line travelling at 70km/h. It looked scary but also exhilarating.

    Further up the hill, I came across a luge track where families and friends were roaring down the mountain in their carts, smiling and laughing and generally having a great time while taking in the breathtaking views. I saw people bungee jumping from a platform off the side of the mountain, and just above that were people paragliding down to the valley floor.

    I don’t recall seeing many unhappy faces that day. On the contrary, most people were fully engaged by others or what they were doing. Engagement is crucial for optimal well-being.

    However, apart from hiking and taking in the scenery, these activities did come at a considerable cost. The several days of skiing that I did afterwards at the surrounding Alpine Resorts were no exception.

    If I had taken more money with me on that trip to New Zealand, I would have been able to experience a more extensive array of potentially fun activities. Furthermore, as long as I enjoyed these activities, I believe they would have contributed to a higher level of happiness.

    Can money ever buy us happiness?

    Anyone who says that money can’t buy us happiness is looking at it too simplistically. I’ve seen too many financially stressed clients know that a significant gift of money would be a massive assistance in their time of need. It would reduce their stress and hopefully increase their level of financial security, happiness and overall well-being. Right?

    Looking at past lottery winners, we can see that winning a large sum of money does increase short-term happiness. However, 12 months later, the lottery winner has typically returned to their pre-win levels of joy and sometimes feels even worse.

    Furthermore, even people who have up to 10 million dollars of net worth often don’t feel financially secure and still believe that if they had more money, they would feel more confident, happier, and more able to buy everything they wanted.

    It seems that it almost doesn’t matter how much money we have. As a result, most people will continue to feel financially insecure and typically strive to make more money than they have currently. But is this the best way?

    Another fascinating study found that beyond a certain amount of money (approximately $70,000 annually), an increase in salary does not typically lead to greater overall emotional or physical well-being. On the other hand, it seems that we do need to have enough money to look after our fundamental needs (food, shelter, water, safety etc.) and have a little bit of leisure or fun. However, making more money doesn’t seem to hold the answer to happiness, especially if we spend it in the ways that most people do.

    Why does more money not equal more happiness?

    I believe that the traps of Materialism and Capitalism are to blame, especially in Western culture. We think that working hard, making lots of money, and buying lots of stuff is the secret to happiness and success. This equation is just a myth, however, and it is required for consumerism to flourish. Consumerism prioritises short-term and societal growth above individual functioning or what is best over a long-term basis. It drives us to believe that we need the stuff to be happy, and this is often at the expense of things we need in our lives to flourish.

    So what can we do about it?

    In the excellent book “Stuffocation” by James Wallman, he makes the case that most people in Western society have too much stuff due to their consumer lifestyle. It is complicating our lives and stressing us out. This stress is now offsetting any of the benefits that come from the stuff that we buy. So should we throw everything out?

    Wallman does explore Minimalism as a possible solution to our Stuffocation. However, he doesn’t believe that Minimalism is the antidote because it is purely defined by what materialism isn’t. True freedom can only come from doing what is suitable for us, not doing the opposite of what is wrong. Minimalism is too confining.

    We could all just quit our jobs too, and stop making money, but the financial debt would catch up to us pretty quickly unless we somehow learned to become entirely self-sufficient and live off the land. Some people and communities can do this, but it’s not for everyone.

    Working less may help. Sweden has recently led the way with this by shortening their workdays down to 6 hours. Many people complain about being time-poor, and reducing how much time we spend at work would increase the amount of time available for people to use in whichever way they find most meaningful. It could be time with family, friends, engaging in exercise or hobbies, or taking some time to reflect and relax. We could cut down through improving productivity or efficiency (books like the ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey or ‘Getting Things Done’ by David Allen could help) or cut down our commitments. Our productivity declines if we work more than 9 hours per day or more than 48 hours per week, so this should be a helpful guide for the maximum hours to work for optimal happiness.

    Once you have the extra time, it’s still about making sure that you spend your money in ways that will give you the biggest bang for your buck.

    How to spend money in ways that can increase happiness

    (1) buy more experiences rather than material objects — Wallman believes that Experientialism is the antidote to Materialism and Consumerism. We need to invest money in experiences and not in stuff. We need to be able to engage in these experiences. They also need to be accessible and affordable to have a significant impact on our overall well-being. If you have to invest in stuff, buy stuff that will make life easier for you to have more of the experiences you would like and less of the experiences that you don’t.

    (2) make sure that you are buying things for the right reason — A car or even a ride-on lawnmower can be a way to make things easier or to have an enjoyable experience, or it can just be more stuff. We need to determine why we want to buy something, and if it is about impressing others (showing our status) rather than for our enjoyment, it probably won’t lead to long-lasting happiness.

    (3) buy more frequent and smaller pleasures, rather than less frequent and larger ones — People are relatively insensitive to the price of an object. If we buy less expensive things, we get a similar pay-off or reward (in happiness terms) for a much smaller cost. The less expensive stuff we buy, the less we need to work and save, and the less credit card debt we’ll have. With the Australian Securities and Investment Commission stating that Australians owe nearly $32 billion in credit card debt, or over $4,300 each, this is advice that a lot of us could take on.

    (4) avoid credit card debt and overpriced insurance — Have you ever noticed that all of the tall buildings in cities tend to belong to either banks or insurance companies. There is a reason for this. They prey on our cognitive biases and utilise effective marketing strategies to get us to buy things now and pay them later. The average Australian pays over $725 of interest annually on the $4,300 they owe on their credit card at an interest rate between 15 and 20%. Suppose we pay only the minimum repayments, whether a credit card or a home loan. It will take a long time to pay it off and cost you a lot more money in interest. So spending more to reduce our interest or getting a debit card rather than a credit card will help us to not waste money for nothing in return except for immediate gratification. With extended warranties and no excess insurance, we will have to pay a premium for “peace of mind”, so it’s essential to work out if that peace is worth the extra cost for you. Insurance works like the lottery — we always think, “what if it happened to me?” and forget about the actual probability of these events occurring.

    (5) delay gratification by booking ahead — With more expensive experiences, the longer we can plan these, the better it is for us. Not only do we get the experience, but also the anticipation and excitement leading up to it. So the next time you want to be spontaneous and book a concert ticket or holiday, book it for six months in advance and thank me for the increased happiness later.

    (6) use your money to give to or help others — There was a study where they gave individuals $20. Half of them spent it on themselves, and the other half gave it away to someone else. They then tracked the happiness of these groups over some time. Whilst the happiness levels were similar between the two groups immediately after the event, the group who gave the money away were significantly higher only two weeks later. So giving to others does make a difference, both to them as well as to you. It is a lovely message to keep in mind with Christmas around the corner.

    If you are interested in other ways to increase happiness through spending, please check out the fascinating article titled ‘If Money Doesn’t Make You Happy Then You Probably Aren’t Spending It Right’ by Elizabeth Dunn, Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist