Damon Ashworth Psychology

Tag: life

  • Which Archetype Are You?

    Which Archetype Are You?

    Ever notice how any successful story throughout history tends to have a similar cast of characters?

    If you haven’t bothered counting, I’ll let you know that most characters will fall into one of 12 principal roles, and this explains why and how we can find favourite stories so relatable. Carl Gustav Jung, a famous psychoanalyst, defined these characters and their journey as Archetypes.

    What is an Archetype?

    An archetype is something that symbolises primary human motivations, drives, desires and goals. It influences how one finds meaning in life, what one values, and personality characteristics. Most people tend to identify primarily with one archetype, although it can be a mix of a few different ones.

    Below are the 12 archetypes, with a brief description below them:

    If you’re a visionary, you value innovation above all else. You look for patterns in the ordinary and try to create order out of chaos. You are intuitive and tend to find it much more comfortable than others to predict trends and look into the future accurately. You love to exchange ideas, share your opinions, and try out new gadgets. But you also tend to overthink things or catastrophise if stressed and overwhelmed. When this happens, you need to retreat to somewhere secluded and/or scenic to once again focus on your next innovative idea that you would like to put into action.

    The visionary archetype includes the designer, the detective, the director, the entrepreneur, the hermit, the futurist or the strategist.

    If you’re a caregiver, you value being compassionate, caring and kind to others, especially your family and friends. You struggle to say no to people because you love to help out and give as much as you can. Burnout is a risk if you spread yourself too thin, however. You are easy to get along with, flexible to various situations, and always willing to do what is required to adapt to and fit in with others without losing your sense of self. Your favourite activities involve spending time with those you love, and you are the person that people call or talk to if they have been going through something tough or are in crisis.

    The caregiver archetype tends to include the loving parent, the teacher, the nurse, the doctor, the best friend forever, the rescuer, the mentor, the healer, the veteran and the civil servant.

    The royal wants power and to be in control. They love being a leader and the boss and love living the high life and the sense of entitlement that comes with this. The royal is not afraid to throw money at a problem so that it will go away and is willing to use their status, title or name to get what they want and feel that they deserve. Activities, holidays and clothes all need to be the best that money can buy.

    Royal archetypes include the king, the queen, the prince or princess, the boss, the executive, the politician, the diva and the networker or social climber.

    The performer is all about entertaining others and being the centre of attention, even at social and family gatherings. Like Lady Gaga, they live for the applause and moving others emotionally or making them laugh. The performer wants to be seen and believes that being dramatic and in the right places with the right people is the best way to achieve this.

    The performer archetype includes the actor, the entertainer, the comedian, the clown or fool, the eccentric, the trickster, the storyteller, the spellcaster, the magician and the provocateur.

    The spiritual person has their faith as the cornerstone of who they are. They are belief-driven and pray and seek for what they know to be true to come to fruition. They love to engage in yoga, meditation, and connecting with others on a deeper level and feel very connected with others and the world around them. The biggest trap for the spiritual person is magical thinking and not doing enough to take action and change the questionable things in their lives. They instead have hope and faith that things will work out the way they want, even when all the evidence suggests otherwise.

    The spiritual archetype can include the shaman, the saint, the mystic, the guru, the angel, the missionary, the martyr, the disciple and the Samaritan.

    The tastemaker values the beautiful nature of things above all else. They pay attention to trends, fashion and decor, and ensure that whatever they have is as aesthetically pleasing as possible. But, unlike the royal, they don’t assume that this is just about what is most decadent or expensive. A tastemaker loves to explore new restaurants, shops, technology and holiday spots. Their weakness is judging others who do not prioritise aesthetics as much as them.

    The tastemaker archetype includes the fashionista, the goddess, the gentleman and the metrosexual.

    The explorer loves adventure, exploring the world, and seeking excitement wherever they are. They are curious about everything new and things they are yet to encounter, and as a result, they fear commitment and being stuck in one spot or tied down by someone else in any way. The explorer feels drawn to things unseen and undiscovered and is willing to be practical about what it takes to live their lives in this way. They love meeting new people and immersing themselves in new cultures and experiences.

    The explorer archetype includes the adventurer, the traveller, the seeker, the discoverer, the wanderer, the individualist, and the pioneer.

    The advocate is always being a champion for a good cause and hoping that things will get better if they fight for what they believe in. They may tend to get too caught up personally in the cause but are willing to back up what they believe in by getting signatures for a petition, fundraising money for a campaign, or organising a protest. They also try to live their lives in a way that is consistent with their values and standing up for those less fortunate or those without a voice, such as flora and fauna.

    The advocate archetype includes the hero, the environmentalist, the crusader, the vegan, the lawyer, the feminist, and the human rights advocate.

    The Intellectual takes pride in their extensive knowledge about things that are important to them. They are always seeking new information and trying to apply it in a useful way to increase their wisdom. The intellectual can come across as a know-it-all, but they never feel like they have enough new things to learn. They love to spend time reading books and going to museums and are happy to impart their knowledge to anyone willing to listen.

    The Intellectual archetype includes the philosopher, the student, the geek, the sage, the scientist, the theologian, the crone, the inventor, and the judge.

    The rebel’s core values are justice and autonomy. They are fiercely independent and cannot be contained by the social niceties, order and dutifulness. They do what they want at all times, and like adventure and excitement, challenging convention and being deliberately provocative too. They are at risk of not thinking through the consequences of their decisions, and as a result, can overconsume drugs or alcohol or get into trouble with the law, at work, or with those closest to them.

    Rebel archetypes include the warrior, the hedonist, Don Juan, the femme fatale and the wild man or wild woman.

    The athlete lives for staying active, fit, and in shape. They love to compete in anything involving physical activity and are happiest when they have achieved a big, athletic goal. The athlete tends to turn everything into a competition, which can annoy others, but they are just as happy pushing themselves to improve their health and body. Clothing is worn for comfort and performance only, not aesthetics. The athlete loves to attend sporting events and is also happy to watch sport on the TV.

    The Athlete archetype includes the competitor, the outdoorsman, the dancer, and the tomboy.

    The creative loves being original and genuinely expressing themselves. The creative hates to repeat or copy what others have done before them. They are happiest creating something from nothing, and this may include a piece of art, but it could also be a meal, an outfit, a room in a house or even an idea. The creative tends to be a perfectionist, which can make it difficult to begin a new project. Once you get started, you tend to get into the zone until a project is complete or you need a break.

    The creative archetype includes the artist, the chef, the child, the poet, the novelist, the shapeshifter and the romantic.

    What Are Your Main Archetypes?

    At archetypes.com, it’s possible to find out which archetypes you are most similar to. This may help you identify what journey you need to take in life or what areas may be best for you to focus on going forward. Included below are my results:

    I’m pretty happy with these results and not surprised by my top 2, but I was surprised to see visionary my third highest archetype. I’ve never thought of myself as imaginative or innovative, but I do want the world to change for the better and am willing to do what I can to improve the mental health of others.

    Based on these results, it’s apparent that I love to help others. Still, I need to be cautious about taking on excessive responsibility for others or feeling too guilty or inadequate when I can’t help as much as I would like to. I love to learn and be curious about new things, but I still need to be humble and understand that there’s still so much that I’ll never know. I also need to realise that not everyone wants to learn as I do, which is okay. Lastly, when I have an innovative idea, it is vital that I put this plan into action to make a real difference. I would also benefit from connecting with others and collaborating with the right people to help make these dreams a reality.

    I know that archetypes and the test are not highly scientific, but I still found them useful to think about what story I am trying to live out and what values or principles I am being guided by. Caring for others, learning new things, and creating positive change is what I care about. What about you?

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • 33 Thoughts About Turning 33

    33 Thoughts About Turning 33

    This will be an unfiltered post. No thinking things through. No edits. Just reflections on life, age, and anything else that pops into my head. Here goes nothing:

    1. Turning 33 feels weird.
    2. I feel old at times, especially in my body.
    3. I still feel like a child at other times, and I wonder whether I will ever feel like a proper adult.
    4. I can’t believe I have so much grey hair now.
    5. It’s strange to wonder where the time has gone.
    6. Yet when I think about it, I really have done a lot and had many amazing experiences in my time on this planet.
    7. I’m happier now than I have ever been before.
    8. We never really know how our life will turn out.
    9. I couldn’t have planned for what has occurred in my life, yet, amazingly, things have turned out the way they have.
    10. I’m excited about the future.
    11. I used to get scared about the idea of getting older, but I don’t anymore.
    12. I’ve stopped searching for the right answers these days and instead focus on asking and living the right questions.
    13. I don’t regret much from my past, even though some of it really sucked at the time.
    14. I still don’t fully understand people, even after I have studied psychology for 8 years, seen patients since 2010 and read over 200 psychology books.
    15. I will never fully understand myself or someone else, which is okay as long as I keep trying to learn and grow.
    16. 33 is a palindrome.
    17. When I was younger, I would have seen 33 years old as “really old” and “over the hill.”
    18. I thought that I would have been a parent by now.
    19. I am glad that I haven’t just tried to follow the crowd and live a traditional life.
    20. I used to think it was better to receive gifts from others, and now I can see how it is better to give.
    21. I worried and stressed way more than I needed to as a child.
    22. I focused on my body image and appearance way too much as a teenager.
    23. I’ve never really looked after myself that well regarding what I put into my body. This will eventually catch up to me if it hasn’t already.
    24. I’ve let go of being perfect, which feels great.
    25. Not everything happens for a reason, but we can learn something from everything that we go through.
    26. Everyone suffers in life to some degree.
    27. Everyone has baggage.
    28. Life isn’t about getting the best job, house, partner, but the best one for you and your lifestyle and values.
    29. No one truly knows what the future holds, and that is both exciting and scary.
    30. It’s much better to only focus on trying to change what is in my control.
    31. Having unconditional positive regard and compassion for others is tough to do but really rewarding if you can.
    32. Living an honest and ethical life is so much less tiring in the long run than being dishonest, self-centred and egotistical.
    33. There are many kind people out there, and being kind to others is the best way to see it.

    Thanks for reading these last three years, and happy holidays to you all!

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • It’s Okay to Still Fall into Life Traps… We All Do!

    Life traps are self-defeating ways of perceiving, feeling about, interacting with oneself, others, and the world.

    If you want to get a sense of what your life-traps may be, the book ‘Reinventing your life’ by Jeffrey Young is an excellent place to start, as it goes into 11 different ones. If you want a more in-depth analysis, however, then go and see a Psychologist who specialises in Schema Therapy.

    A Psychologist has much more thorough and scientific questionnaires that can give you results on 18 schemas (life-traps), help you identify your most common traps, and show you what you can do both in therapy and outside of it whenever you realise that you have fallen into a trap.

    My Life-traps

    I have taken the Young Schema Questionnaire (YSQ-L3) three times to help identify my main life traps. The first time was at the beginning of 2014 when I was stuck in the middle of a complicated relationship while also trying to complete the last part of my Doctoral thesis and play basketball at a semi-professional level.

    The second time was in April 2017, when I was in a Clinical Psychology job that I loved. I had also stopped playing basketball at such an intense level and played with some friends (and without a coach) twice a week, which was way more fun.

    The most recent time was August 2018, where I had just finished up my work in private practice in Melbourne, Australia and was about to leave my friends and family to volunteer for two years in Port Vila, Vanuatu, as part of the Australian Volunteers Program (funded by the Australian Government).

    I want to share these results with you to show you that:

    1. context influences personality and how people view themselves, the world and others,
    2. personality and ways of perceiving yourself, relationships, and the world can change, and
    3. Even though it is possible to grow and improve over time, we all still fall into traps at times, which is okay. It’s about identifying when you have fallen into a trap and then knowing what you need to do to get out of it.

    When looking at the results, a 100% score would mean that I have answered every item for that life-trap a 6, which means that they describe me perfectly. The higher the % score, the more likely I will frequently fall into this life trap.

    YSQ-L3
    2014 Results 2017 Results 2018 Results
    Schema or life-trap Schema or life-trap Schema or life-trap
    1. Subjugation – 75% 1. Self-sacrifice – 60.78% 1.Self-sacrifice – 60.78%
    2. Dependence – 64.44% 2. Punitiveness (self) – 57.14% 2. Emotional Deprivation – 59.26%
    3. Self-sacrifice – 61.76% 3. Emotional Deprivation – 51.85% 3. Punitiveness (self) – 50%
    4. Approval seeking – 54.76% 4. Unrelenting Standards/ Hyper-criticalness – 48.96% 4. Subjugation – 50%
    5. Punitiveness (self) – 51.19% 5. Approval Seeking – 48.81% 5. Unrelenting standards – 43.75%
    6. Unrelenting standards – 48.96% 6. Subjugation – 48.33% 6. Approval seeking – 41.67%
    7. Insufficient self-control – 46.67% 7. Negativity/ Pessimism – 43.94% 7. Vulnerability to harm/illness – 40.28%
    8. Emotional inhibition – 46.30% 8. Mistrust/ Abuse – 41.18% 8. Negativity/Pessimism – 39.39%
    9. Emotional deprivation – 42.59% 9. Dependence/ Incompetence – 41.11% 9. Dependence/ Incompetence – 38.89%
    10. Abandonment – 41.18% 10. Emotional Inhibition – 40.74% 10. Mistrust/Abuse – 37.25%

    What’s Changed?

    people riding canoe boat view from inside pipe

    By looking at the table above, the green items indicate an improvement in comparison to the prior assessment, meaning that these life-traps are a little bit less powerful for me. The yellow indicates no change since the last assessment, and the red indicates a worse score, meaning that these life-traps may have a more powerful sway over me.

    From 2014 to 2017, 7 out of the initial top-10 life-traps had improved, one stayed the same, and two had worsened. Two additional traps not included in the initial top 10 had worsened and made the list (Negativity/Pessimism & Mistrust/Abuse).

    From 2017 to 2018, seven out of the 2017 top ten life traps had improved yet again, with one staying the same and two becoming worse. One additional trap (Vulnerability to harm/illness) had increased. Still, I believe this was due to the medical and safety briefings that I had been going through in the preparation of moving to Vanuatu for 2 years.

    Overall, I am less likely to fall into any life trap in 2018 than in 2014 and 2017. For example, the average of my top ten in 2014 was 53.29%, whereas in 2017, it was 48.28%, and in 2018, it was 46.13%.

    I also rated 21 items a 6 (= describes me perfectly) in 2014, only five in 2017, and none in 2018. This means that I am much less likely to get completely pushed around by my life traps. However, they still have some sway on me, especially the self-sacrifice and the emotional deprivation schemas, and to a lesser degree, punitiveness and subjugation.

    Here is Young’s description of these schemas:

    SELF-SACRIFICE: Excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations, at the expense of one’s own gratification. The most common reasons are: to prevent causing pain to others; to avoid guilt from feeling selfish; or to maintain the connection with others perceived as needy. Often results from an acute sensitivity to the pain of others. Sometimes leads to a sense that one’s own needs are not being adequately met and to resentment of those who are taken care of.

    EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION: Expectation that one’s desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. The three major forms of deprivation are:

    1. Deprivation of Nurturance: Absence of attention, affection, warmth, or companionship.
    2. Deprivation of Empathy: Absence of understanding, listening, self-disclosure, or mutual sharing of feelings from others.
    3. Deprivation of Protection: Absence of strength, direction, or guidance from others.

    SUBJUGATION: Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced — usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms of subjugation are:

    1. Subjugation of Needs: Suppression of one’s preferences, decisions, and desires.

    2. Subjugation of Emotions: Suppression of emotional expression, especially anger.

    Subjugation usually involves the perception that one’s own desires, opinions, and feelings are not valid or important to others. Frequently presents as excessive compliance, combined with hypersensitivity to feeling trapped. Generally leads to a build up of anger, manifested in maladaptive symptoms (e.g., passive-aggressive behaviour, uncontrolled outbursts of temper, psychosomatic symptoms, withdrawal of affection, “acting out”, substance abuse).

    PUNITIVENESS: The belief that people should be harshly punished for making mistakes. Involves the tendency to be angry, intolerant, punitive, and impatient with oneself for not meeting one’s expectations or standards. Usually includes difficulty forgiving mistakes in oneself, because of a reluctance to consider extenuating circumstances, allow for human imperfection, or empathize with one’s feelings.

    Three out of my top four life traps have improved since 2014, but emotional deprivation, unfortunately, continues to climb with each assessment. I think that self-sacrifice, subjugation, and emotional deprivation schemas may be common life traps for people who decide to become psychologists. The therapeutic relationship is meant to be one-sided and focused on the patient or client’s needs, not the psychologist’s needs. For this reason, psychologists must get their relational needs met outside of their job and get their own therapy if needed to ensure that they can have a space about them. I wonder how these life traps will continue to evolve over the next two years in Vanuatu…

    How Can Life-traps Be Overcome?

    The first step to changing anything is awareness. If you are not aware that you are falling into any traps, it means that you either don’t have any, or you are so enmeshed in your experience that you cannot see them.

    Once you are aware of your traps, the next step is to understand them and why they occur for you. Most life traps originate in childhood typically, which is why most psychologists and psychiatrists will ask about your upbringing and your relationship with your parents in particular.

    Life traps are actually considered to be adaptive ways of coping with maladaptive environments. This means that your life traps were probably quite useful in the particular family dynamic that you had, or you wouldn’t have developed them in the first place. For example, my family often called me a martyr when I was younger because it didn’t matter what I wanted. In reality, it was just much more comfortable to let everyone else decide and take charge. Then if things didn’t work out, others couldn’t blame me. I saw it as a win-win but often didn’t get what I wanted because I didn’t speak up and then complained that my parents loved my siblings more, who were more than happy to speak up and ask for what they wanted.

    However, once you move out of the family home, these coping methods are generally ineffective. They tend to become maladaptive ways of interacting with yourself, others or the world. If I keep playing the martyr and refuse to speak up as an adult, my needs still don’t get met. As a result, I may become excessively demanding of others as a counterattack measure (not likely for me), or I may try to escape from all relationships where I need to speak up about my needs. Either way, it keeps the life trap going, and it isn’t helpful.

    I need to realise that there are relationships out there where it is beneficial for me to speak up, as people then know what I want and respond effectively to the situation at hand. It still doesn’t “feel right” when I think about telling others my wants or needs (and I’m not sure if it ever will), but I logically know that it is the best approach for me to take going forward. If I want to break free from my main life traps, I must learn to speak up reasonably when important to me (and others). By doing this, eventually, the life traps will become much less prevalent and less powerful too.

    If you have been trying with therapy for a long time but don’t think you are getting anywhere, please seek a Psychologist with experience in Schema Therapy. Also, if you are stuck in a relationship where your needs aren’t being met, it could help too.

    Learning about Schema Therapy and undergoing training in it has taught me more about my own personal life traps than anything else that I have done before and really does give me a sense of what my most significant challenges are going forward. I’ve made a lot of progress so far, but there is still a long way to go, and that is okay. I know that I will continue to improve with acceptance, self-compassion, patience, reflection, and perseverance, and I am confident you can too!

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

    P.S. For a full description of the other 14 maladaptive schemas, please click here.

  • How Do You Deal With Your Problems?

    How Do You Deal With Your Problems?

    Throughout my schooling years, I was a horrible procrastinator. I would leave everything to the last minute, sometimes even having to take a day off high school to finish an assignment that was meant to be due that day.

    Once I got to university, I couldn’t do this anymore, as the due date remained the same whether I went to classes or not. So I would instead consume a lot of energy drinks the night before an assignment was due and generally do the majority of the assignment in an anxious, tense and sleep-deprived state, printing it out and submitting it 20 minutes before the deadline.

    Exams were the same. I’d miss classes, not pay attention when I was there, and then try to cram an entire semester’s contents into the last 4 days before an exam. I would lock myself in my room and study up to 12 hours a day, only leaving for toilet breaks and something to eat until I was utterly exhausted. Luckily, I have a knack for remembering vast amounts of information in short periods of time, so I always passed, but it wasn’t easy or fun.

    I sometimes tried to start early but never found this effective, as the negative consequences seemed far away. So eventually, I figured I would follow the mantra, “if you leave everything to the last minute, it only takes a minute”. This mantra actually helped me fit a lot of things into my life by being more efficient, but it did have its limitations.

    Once I got to my Doctorate of Clinical Psychology degree at Monash University, I was suddenly faced with the prospect of having to do a 70,000-word thesis that was meant to take 3.5 years to do. How could I possibly cram something so big, especially when it consisted of making a research proposal, ethics application, recruiting participants, conducting a clinical trial, collating all the results, running data analysis and writing up the thesis and journal articles? It turns out I couldn’t.

    The thesis ended up taking me 4 years to complete, and there wasn’t too much of it that I enjoyed. Moreover, it required a direct challenge of my usual defence mechanisms, which was no easy feat, especially because I didn’t know what they were. I knew that I had always procrastinated with my studies, but I was never entirely sure why.

    What Are Your Defence Mechanisms?

    Fortunately, a fun test over at personalityassessor.com on coping styles’ titled ‘How Do You Deal?’ helped me identify which defence mechanisms I typically used. So if you are interested in knowing what yours are, I definitely recommend taking it.

    It is a bit time-consuming as there are 2 parts and over 200 questions, but I like this questionnaire so much because it is tough to fudge the test to get desirable results. This is because the survey doesn’t have face validity, and therefore doesn’t appear to measure how much someone engages in a particular defence mechanism. Two examples of questions are:

    “I am bothered by stomach acid several times per week” or

    “It is annoying to listen to a lecturer who cannot seem to make up his mind as to what he really believes”.

    I’m not sure which defence mechanisms these questions are tapping into or if the correct answer is true or false. However, previous research has shown that specific patterns of responses on the questionnaire are quite good at identifying people who regularly use 10 common defence mechanisms, including repression, displacement, denial, regression, projection, reaction formation, intellectualisation, rationalisation, isolation and doubt. My results were astonishing to me.

    My Defence Mechanisms

    I first took the ‘How Do You Deal?’ questionnaire in February 2013. I had just finished a year-long practical internship at Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, and I found supporting individuals with cancer really rewarding and meaningful, but also quite challenging as I had lost a dear friend to cancer when I was 21. In addition, I wanted to finish my thesis by July but was falling way behind, and I was also a month away from getting married and moving in with my then fiancé. So I had many big changes coming up, and I was both stressed and scared about how everything would go.

    Here are my February 2013 results, alongside the descriptions of these defence mechanisms given by the personality assessor website:

    1. Denial — 94th percentile — extremely high

    Denial is a defense mechanism where people avoid thinking about problems, or even pretend like their problems don’t exist. For example, someone might deny that they have a drug problem. Or someone might deny that they’re currently having conflict in their romantic relationship.

    Since denial can be subconscious, people who use denial might honestly believe that their problems don’t exist!

    2. Isolation — 91st percentile — extremely high

    Isolation is a defense mechanism where people compartmentalize their thoughts and feelings so that their thoughts don’t affect their feelings.

    Isolation differs from denial. Using denial, a person with a drug problem might refuse to even see that they have a drug problem. Using isolation, a person with a drug problem would acknowledge they have a problem, but would not let the fact they have a problem affect their feelings. If intellectualization is all about staying in your head to avoid your heart, isolation is about keeping your head and your heart separate.

    3. Displacement — 81st percentile — very high

    Displacement occurs when we “take out” our frustrations on someone/something else. For example, imagine that you hate your boss. It might have dire consequences if you expressed your hate toward your boss. So, if you displaced those feelings, you might go home and yell at your family.

    This is different than projection. In projection, we don’t see our own feelings — we see them in other people (e.g., I am not angry, my boss is). In displacement, however, we still “own” our feelings (e.g., I am angry) but we “take out” those feelings on the wrong target (e.g., angry at boss, but kick dog instead of boss).

    4. Regression — 73rd percentile — high

    Regression is a defense mechanism where people essentially start acting or thinking like a child. The idea is that when life feels too overwhelming or our problems feel too big, that we regress to an earlier, easier time when other people (our parents) used to take care of us. As such, regression can include:

    * desiring for other people to take care of your problems for you

    * acting dependent on other people

    * acting like a child (e.g., temper tantrums)

    * refusing to take responsibility for your actions

    5. Doubt — 72nd percentile — high

    The defense mechanism of doubt occurs when people doubt their senses or thought processes when they encounter problems. For example, imagine a good friend tells you they don’t really like you. You might utilize the defense mechanism of doubt by thinking “I must have misunderstood what they meant.”

    Doubt is kind of like a mixture of denial, intellectualization, and rationalization. Doubt lets us deny that our problems are real (or avoid making big decisions we’re afraid of) by questioning our ability to accurately see the world and make good decisions. In contrast to denial, when people use doubt, they are aware of their problems on some level.

    6. Rationalization — 68th percentile — high

    Rationalization is when people excuse their actions with usually irrational false explanations. For example, if someone binges and eats an entire large pizza, they might think “Well, the food was going to waste anyway! I might as well have eaten it.”

    Rationalization is kind of like a mixture of denial and intellectualization. Essentially, rationalization allows people to “explain away” their problems (usually bad habits, personal flaws, etc.) with a superficially valid explanation. The biggest difference between rationalization and intellectualization is that intellectualization is used to avoid feelings, whereas rationalization is used to avoid seeing our own personal flaws.

    7. Intellectualisation — 64th percentile — high

    Intellectualization occurs when people avoid painful feelings by thinking oftentimes inappropriate impersonal thoughts. For example, if someone’s pet dies, they might think, “Pets die every day. Why should I be upset?”

    Basically, the idea is that people who use intellectualization minimize their problems — or at least their feelings — and avoid the pain in their hearts by staying lodged solidly in their heads.

    8. Projection — 47th percentile — about average

    Projection occurs when we project our own thoughts and feelings onto other people. For example, you might really hate your boss. If you used the defense mechanism of projection, you might be unaware of your own feelings toward your boss, but instead think your boss hated you. This defense mechanism would allow you to deny your feelings and, in turn, believe that any conflict between you and your boss is your boss’s fault (not yours).

    Projection basically lets us believe that are problems aren’t really ours — they’re someone else’s!

    9. Repression — 37th percentile — low

    Repression occurs when people push down or block-out memories or desires that they feel are threatening. For example, someone might repress painful childhood memories and try to not think about them. As another example, someone might repress their attraction to a friend that they fear wouldn’t reciprocate their interest.

    Repression is similar to denial, but slightly different. Denial is about convincing yourself that your problems don’t exist. Repression is about blocking out part of yourself — memories or desires, usually — perhaps to avoid creating a problem!

    10. Reaction formation — 15th percentile — very low

    Reaction formation is a fascinating defense mechanism where we do the opposite of what we really want to do. For example, imagine you are very attracted to another person. If, for some reason that attraction is a problem (e.g., you are married, they are married, etc.), you might start to feel the opposite toward them — you may think they are disgusting and/or actively dislike them.

    Reaction formation allows you to avoid your problems — and also creates a buffer to ensure you avoid your problems. In the example above, you’re not merely repressing your attraction toward the other person — you’re actually feeling negative feelings toward them. These negative feelings will ensure the attraction doesn’t resurface.

    Seeing that my marriage ended up being far worse than I had predicted, I maybe should have paid attention to these results a bit more, especially my denial and doubt scores.

    It did help with the writing up of my thesis. I stopped trying to avoid the problem, started coming into the lab from 9 am — 5 pm every weekday regardless of how I felt and began making some real and consistent progress without cramming for the first time in my life. I finished a full draft of my thesis by September 2013, started working as a Psychologist in private practice shortly after that, and submitted the final copy of my thesis for examination in February 2014.

    Have My Defence Mechanisms Improved?

    I retook the ‘How Do You Deal?’ questionnaire at the end of April 2017. I now live a life that is much more consistent with the experiences I want to have rather than what society says that I should be doing. I believe that I am a lot happier and in the best place that I have ever been psychologically. But have my defence mechanisms actually changed?

    Defence Mechanisms 2013 2017
    Denial 94th percentile 75th percentile
    Isolation 91st percentile 92nd percentile
    Displacement 81st percentile 77th percentile
    Regression  73rd percentile 68th percentile
    Doubt 72nd percentile 64th percentile
    Rationalisation 68th percentile 53rd percentile
    Intellectualisation 64th percentile 18th percentile
    Projection 47th percentile 56th percentile
    Repression 37th percentile 20th percentile
    Reaction formation 15th percentile 9th percentile

    As you can see, eight of my results had improved, with denial dropping 19 percentile points and losing its position as my most used defence mechanism. This is great, as I am now more aware of my issues and can actually do something about them.

    My most noticeable improvement was my reduction in intellectualising things, but I also repress things much less than I used to, rationalise my actions less, and doubt myself less too. This means that I am now turning into what I feel and need more, not just remaining in my head. By understanding and accepting my emotions rather than avoiding them or explaining them away, it really does make it easier to know what action I need to take. Regular journaling, mindfulness and therapy have definitely helped me to create these changes. So has being more honest and authentic with others.

    The two defence mechanism scores that have increased are projection and isolation. The increase in projection isn’t helpful, as this means I could be externalising some problems rather than taking responsibility for my role in creating them. The high isolation score isn’t so bad, though, as separating my head and heart is something that I have worked on to make sure that I am making decisions in line with my values and not my fears going forward. If this never changes, that will be fine by me.

    Can We Change How We Deal With Problems?

    It’s not possible to completely avoid engaging in defence mechanisms. We all have different coping methods, and many of these coping styles are developed in childhood and modelled on what everyone else in our family did.

    However, some defence mechanisms are more helpful than others, and they can change in time with deliberate practice. Head researcher of the Grant longitudinal study, George Vaillant, has separated defence mechanisms into immature, intermediate and mature defences. Acting out, projection, passive-aggressive behaviour, and denial are considered immature. Reaction formation, repression and displacement are intermediate defences. Mature defences include:

    1. humour: seeing the funny side of things,
    2. sublimation: channelling difficult emotions into something prosocial and constructive,
    3. anticipation: planning for upcoming situations that might be challenging,
    4. suppression: not reacting to your feelings or letting them show if this would interfere with you achieving your goals, and
    5. altruism: deriving pleasure from helping others.

    A 2013 study by Malone and colleagues found that men who used more mature defence mechanisms between 47 and 63 years of age had better health between 70 and 80. This was mostly because the people who regularly engaged in more mature defence mechanisms had better social support and stronger interpersonal connections than individuals who used immature defence mechanisms (Malone et al., 2013).

    If you want to build up healthier coping strategies, understanding which defences you currently use is a great place to start. The best way to do this apart from taking the ‘How Do You Deal?’ questionnaire is consulting with a therapist, especially a psychologist or a psychiatrist trained in psychoanalysis or psychodynamic psychotherapy. Friends and family might be able to point out some potential defence mechanisms that you use, but I think it is better to get this feedback from professionally trained and impartial. They can then help you replace these defences with more mature and adaptive coping strategies to have more supportive relationships and better long-term health and well-being.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • The 5 Lessons I Discovered From Being Kind

    On January 1st, 2018 we kickstarted our Deliberately Better movement.

    Along with other passionate and driven allied health professionals, we aimed to highlight the various ways that people can choose to act if they wish to scientifically improve their health and well-being.

    In January, we aimed to engage in a random act of kindness each day.

    This was a fun experiment, and I tried to make a video of my acts of kindness every second day, which I was mostly successful with:

    • On day 4, I supported a friend on a hang gliding expedition
    • On day 6, I spent some quality time with my dad and played a round of golf with him
    • On day 8, I donated some spare change to the Royal Children’s Hospital
    • On day 12, I bought a copy of the big issue to support a rough sleeper
    • On day 14, we left a big tip at a restaurant that stayed open for us
    • On day 16, I donated plasma to the red cross blood bank
    • On day 18, I topped up some stranger’s parking meters
    • On day 20, I donated some clothes to charity
    • On day 22, I supported an organisation that was trying to raise money to protect a wilderness area in Tasmania
    • On day 24, I proofread a book that my friend had written and wanted to publish
    • On day 28, I went and played a beach volleyball tournament with my sister.
    • On day 30, I handed out bottles of water to people who were homeless around Melbourne.

    Even though it was weird to film and promote the acts of kindness that I engaged in, the month really did teach me a few valuable lessons. These are:

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    1. Trying to be kind to others feels good

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    2. Viewing or hearing about others acts of kindness feels great

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    3. Hearing about or seeing others acts of kindness encourages people to be kinder too

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    4. Trying to be kind to others can improve social anxiety

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    5. Trying to be kind to others can enhance energy levels and physical health

    To assess changes in how I felt from the beginning to the end of the month of kindness, I completed the Positive and Negative Affect Scale (PANAS), as developed by Watson, Clark and Tellegen (1988). This scale has two 10-item scales; one for positive affect and one for negative affect.

    If you would like to assess your levels, please answer from 1 to 5 on the following questions for how much you have felt this way recently:

    1 = very slightly or not at all

    2 = a little

    3 = moderately

    4 = quite a bit

    5 = extremely

    Positive affect items:

    _______ active

    _______ alert

    _______ attentive

    _______ determined

    _______ enthusiastic

    _______ excited

    _______ inspired

    _______ interested

    _______ proud

    _______ strong

    Negative affect items:

    _______ afraid

    _______ scared

    _______ nervous

    _______ jittery

    _______ hostile

    _______ guilty

    _______ ashamed

    _______ upset

    _______ distressed

    If you want to compare your scores to previous norms, first add up your totals for your positive affect and negative affect.

    A 1989 study of 815 Detroit adults by Quinn found an average for positive affect of 36.0. For negative affect, the average was 18.2 (Quinn, 1989).

    In 1993, an unpublished study by Wilkinson found an average of 33.5 for positive affect in 114 adult men and 33.9 in 115 adult women. For negative affect, it was 14.2 for the men and 15.5 for the women (Wilkinson, 1993).

    What I find interesting about these findings is that US adults report both higher positive and higher negative affect, indicating that they may be more expressive (and more aware) of their emotions than Australians.

    My score for positive affect before the kindness challenge was a 32, which was below the norms for both Australian and US adults. Given that I was feeling exhausted by the end of 2017, this makes sense to me. Extraverts are more likely to experience higher levels of positive affect also, and I would consider myself more of an ambivert.

    After a month of kindness, this score had shot up to 41, which was more than one standard deviation higher than the norm for Australian men, and much higher than the average for US adults too.

    My negative affect was less impacted by my acts of kindness, however, with my score remaining at 16 at both the start and the end of the month. I was slightly less irritable by the end of the month, but I was also a little bit more afraid, and this could have been due to the videos that I was putting up.

    Either way, I seem to experience slightly more negative emotions than the average 1993 Australian, and somewhat less than the average 1989 individual from Detroit.

    My experiment with being kinder didn’t solve all of my problems, but it did help me to take a few risks, challenge myself, put myself out there more, grow as a result, and hopefully put a few smiles on some people’s faces. That is enough for me, for now.

    2018 DELIBERATELY BETTER AGENDA:


    * In February, we gave up or cut down on something that was having a negative impact on our quality of life.
    * In March, we focused on our diets and looked at what were the most effective ways to lose weight or get into the best shape of your life.
    * In April, we looked into the different habits of high performers and how they improve their skills and become as effective as they are at what they do.
    * In May, we’ll be looking at how to hijack your hormones and get in control of your sleep, metabolism and energy.
    * In June, we’ll be checking out the latest and greatest developments in health and wellness literature, and passing on the top tips from the fields of medicine, psychology, neuroscience, behavioural economics, fitness and nutrition.
    * In July, we’ll be exploring the benefits of minimalism, looking at ways to develop and stick to a budget, how to financially plan for the future, how to cut back on spending, how to create passive income streams, and the top tips for investing in or trading on the stock market.
    * In August, we’ll be getting into the gym and out onto the track to explore how to bulk up, shred down, get ripped and be the most physically capable than you have ever been in your life.
    * In September, we’ll be looking at the latest trends in health technology, and exploring the various options that you have if you want to improve your psychological and physical well-being.
    * In October, we’ll be focusing on how to stress less, and sharing the latest tips to calm down quickly if you are distressed and want to live a more relaxed lifestyle in general.
    * In November, We’ll be trying something new, and looking at the multitude of benefits that novelty can play in our lives.
    * Last, but not least, in December, we’ll be taking stock of the year, reviewing what worked and what didn’t, and cultivating gratitude for all of the fantastic things in our lives.

    Thanks,

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • Can You Improve Your Sleep By Going to a Sleep Retreat?

    Can You Improve Your Sleep By Going to a Sleep Retreat?

    Just the other week, I was featured in the Daily Telegraph and the Herald Sun on sleep retreats. It was weird because I had been planning on running some sleep retreats but hadn’t yet. Stranger still, I hadn’t told anyone about my idea yet, and it was the first article that I have been mentioned in that I am aware of without being interviewed or asked for permission first.

    In the article, the first recommended retreat was Golden Door in the Hunter Valley, NSW. From what others had told me about it, it is generally known as a well-being retreat rather than a sleep retreat.

    An excellent Sleep Physician that I work with at the Melbourne Sleep Disorders Centre, Dr David Cunnington, did inform me that he often goes up there on weekends to be a guest speaker on sleep difficulties and how to improve them. He asked if I wanted to accompany him one time. I willingly obliged.

    We flew up to Newcastle on Friday the 18th of May just after midday, drove an hour from the airport to the Hunter Valley, and settled into our rooms just before 4 pm. It was a charming private villa, with my own balcony with a view, a long couch to relax on, a nice big bathtub to relax in, and my own king bed to sleep in. And that was just the room.

    The main building where the reception was consisted of a huge golden door opening up to steps and a waterfall running through the building. A chef was on-site to prepare healthy meals for everyone for breakfast, lunch and dinner (no red meat or processed carbs, no caffeine and no alcohol). Not to mention a day spa offering five pages of treatments, an indoor pool for deep water running or lap swimming, an outdoor pool for relaxing, a steam room and spa, a yoga studio, indoor basketball court, a huge gym, two tennis courts and even a table tennis table.

    I wanted to get to it all but remembered that this was a perfect opportunity to switch off, relax, and unwind. So instead of participating in the afternoon activities on Friday, I decided to run myself a hot bath, listen to an audiobook, and rest until dinner time.

    Golden door seemed to attract an eclectic mix of people, from stressed executives, burned-out executive assistants, and people needing a career, family or relationship break or change. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, and most obliged with wearing their name tags across the weekend, making it easier to approach and ask people what brought them to Golden Door and what they were hoping to get out of it.

    The staff were fantastic too, often mingling with the guests at meal times and participating in as many activities as possible. After dinner, at about 7 pm, those interested went for a leisurely walk and stopped to lie back and stare up at the stars. Living in the heart of Melbourne, this is an opportunity that I don’t often get, and I relished just looking up without feeling like I had to rush off and do something else.

    After the walk, we headed back to our private villas, where I continued to try to stay away from bright screens. Instead, I did 10 minutes of meditation, listened to an audiobook while relaxing on the couch, and went off to bed once I felt sleepy.

    On Saturday morning, I was awoken by a knock on the door, and a doorbell ringing at 6 am. If you don’t want this, you can put a do not disturb sign on the outside of the door, but it is to help people get up for the 6:30 am tai chi session up on meditation hill. I didn’t want my sleep to be over yet, but I managed to get dressed and strolled up the hill just as the sun rose across the Hunter Valley.

    With 360 degree views of the valley, Meditation Hill is probably the most picturesque part of the Golden Door retreat (it’s all pretty nice, though). I’d never done tai chi before, but it wasn’t too bad, especially with the hot air balloons taking off for their flights from the valley below.

    Following that, it was straight to the pool for some deep water running. I thought it would be some light aqua aerobics for oldies, but it was much more intense. Then there was breakfast and a 10km hike. Followed by tennis after lunch, and table tennis after that. Way more exercise than I expected to do, but I didn’t regret it. I then headed off to yin yoga, another activity I’d never tried before. I may have fallen asleep a little bit during this, but power naps are healthy for you.

    A 50-minute deep tissue massage was next at the Elysium day spa. A bit pricey at $140, but it felt amazing after all of the activity I’d done, especially my calves. These treatments are optional, but quite a few guests seemed to be getting them.

    David’s talk on sleep was after dinner. Then it was off to bed again. My second night of sleep was longer but not quite as deep as the first one.

    When I compare it to how I slept two nights before the retreat and two nights after it, I can see that a wellness retreat really can improve your sleep on the nights you are there. This is because it gives you so many things that can help you to have a good night’s sleep, including:

    • Lots of physical activity during the day but not too late at night
    • A vast amount of morning sunlight helps entrain your circadian rhythms and wake you up for the day. This can also help you to fall asleep earlier that night.
    • Healthy food.
    • No caffeine.
    • No alcohol.
    • Plenty of activities to relax and unwind.
    • More time in nature with beautiful scenery and less time indoors looking at bright screens.
    • Opportunities for engaging conversation with friendly and welcoming people that are also wanting to improve their health.

    It doesn’t offer clear guidelines or individual recommendations around sleep or how to keep improving it once you go home. For example, a 6 am wake-up call is perfect for some to help them not spend too long in bed. For others, it could cause anticipatory anxiety or lead to them putting too much pressure on themselves to get to sleep early the night before.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • Are You Living the Life That You Want?

    Are You Living the Life That You Want?

    In 2016, I decided to take on the challenge of accountability. As a Clinical Psychologist, being accountable was all about evidence-based living — engaging as much as possible in thinking patterns and behaviours that have been shown to lead to a happier, more satisfying, higher quality of life.

    The following were the five key areas that I highlighted in my ‘Do You Want to Be Deliberately Better?’ Article:

    1. Tuning in rather than tuning out

    2. Turning towards my values rather than away from my fears

    3. Maintaining an ideal work/life balance

    4. Writing things down rather than keeping things in

    5. Developing a growth rather than a fixed mindset

    I made this declaration public as I was aware that people’s desire to remain consistent meant that I would be more willing to follow through on these targets and achieve these goals. All of them were based on solid research and were expected to have a positive flow-on effect for my long-term psychological well-being in 2017 and beyond.

    While I did make some progress in being more accountable to myself, especially with numbers 2, 4 and 5, I continued to struggle with numbers 1 and 3.

    Part of the problem was that I’ve always wanted to be able to do everything, and I struggle at times to prioritise and separate what is essential to me from what is critical to others. The other part of the problem is that I was working too hard, not saying no to what I didn’t want to do enough, and not leaving adequate time for leisure and socialising or even personal growth, creativity and health.

    I was often extraordinarily drained and fatigued by the end of the workweek. I would spend most of the weekend recovering and trying to catch up on chores and paperwork to avoid falling even further behind with administrative duties than I already was. I was also financially in debt even though I was working full-time, and I was stressed out.

    Mainly, I didn’t have enough time or space to reflect on where I was or what I needed, and when I did, I still didn’t make the necessary changes to ensure that my life was consistent with how I wanted it to be.

    It’s not just me

    What seemed to help me a lot was reading the thought-provoking self-help book ‘Take time for your life’ by Cheryl Richardson. She highlights the seven common obstacles that people seem to face in living their best lives. These are:

    1. They generally have difficulty putting themselves first

    2. Their schedule does not reflect their priorities

    3. They feel drained by certain people or things

    4. They feel trapped for monetary reasons

    5. They are living on adrenalin

    6. They don’t have a supportive community in their life

    7. Their spiritual well-being comes last

    I don’t know about everyone else, but I could check yes to all of these items except for number 6. I wasn’t spending as much time as I wanted with friends, but I felt well supported by them all when I did. As for the rest, I wondered, “How does she know me so well?” but then I realised how many people there are out there that must be falling into similar traps.

    My aim for 2017 was to take time for my life.

    Here’s how I’ve gone towards creating my ideal lifestyle so far:

    • I have moved into a fantastic apartment in the city where I am within easy access by bike, foot or public transport to all of my work, sport and leisure commitments.
    • I have begun regularly using the swimming pool, spa, sauna, and gym part of this unique apartment complex. As the gym here is excellent, I have saved by cancelling my external gym membership.
    • I have sold my car to avoid having to pay $70 a week for a car spot, not to mention the registration fees, car insurance, petrol, parking fees, fines, and depreciation in the car’s value. This also has the added benefits of never getting stuck in peak hour traffic and more walking and bike riding to get to places, which reduces the amount of time I need to set aside for these activities elsewhere.
    • I have started listening to audiobooks more whenever I am walking around the city by myself. This has resulted in me getting outdoors more, reading less inside, and opened up more time for other personal growth, leisure and social activities.
    • I have finished working at Mill Park and moved into the city for all of my workdays. This means that I can get up later in the morning on workdays and ride or walk or catch public transport to work no matter where I am.
    • I have cut down the days I see clients from 5 to 4, with Mondays now dedicated to maintenance, administration, health, creativity, and well-being. Because of this reduced workload, I am less stressed and more energetic. I am currently up to date with all of my administrative duties, paperwork, and continued professional development for the first time in 3 years.
    • This has also helped me enjoy my weekends more, as instead of playing catch-up on things, I can socialise and relax and plan various adventures that I may not have had the time or energy to do in the past.
    • Even though I am working one day less per week, by buying less stuff and reducing my expenses, I am no longer in any financial debt and am saving towards buying a place of my own.
    • I have now donated plasma and platelets through the Red Cross Blood Bank three times. This can be done every two weeks and takes about 45 minutes, and really can make a huge difference for those who have leukaemia and certain autoimmune diseases.
    • I have found a new General Practitioner, Nutritionist and Dentist to ensure that my physical health is going well and made the necessary appointments to assess or fix up any of the issues that have become apparent.
    • I have had a DEXA scan to assess my bone density, lean muscle mass and fat. I will be having another one of these in 3 months to monitor my progress and ensure that I remain in the healthy range for a male my age.
    • I have resumed monthly sessions with my Psychologist to ensure that my mental health and clinical practice are as optimal as possible.
    • I have signed up for a year membership with the meditation app Calm, which will help me to continue strengthening my meditation practice. I will aim to practice this for at least 10 minutes per day to make sure that I keep trying to tune in rather than tune out.
    • I have also booked in for a 10-day Vissapana meditation retreat in April and a 12-day P&O cruise at the end of July. Both of these getaways involve switching off from all technology for the duration of my stay. They will provide me with plenty of time for rest, relaxation and reflection, essential elements for tuning in and developing greater insight.

    No Regrets?

    Now that I’ve shared the changes that I’ve started to make towards my ideal lifestyle, I want to ask you this:

    If you only have one life to live, and that life is yours, what changes do you need to make now to ensure you don’t accumulate any more regrets in the future?

    In her viral blog post and subsequent book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying”, palliative nurse Bronnie Ware listed the top five regrets that the dying people she cared for typically had. These were:

    1. They wished they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them.

    2. They wish they hadn’t worked so hard.

    3. They wish they’d had the courage to express their feelings.

    4. They wish they’d made a bigger effort to stay in touch with their friends.

    5. They wish they had let themselves be happier.

    Remember, we tend to regret the things that we don’t do much more than those we do. So be brave, give it a go, and see what happens. If you’re not sure what you want or how to figure it out, booking in for a session with a Psychologist could definitely help!

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • The 10 Best Laws of Power

    The 10 Best Laws of Power

    A fascinating book that I read towards the end of 2017 was ‘The 48 Laws of Power’ by Robert Greene.

    Since the book was first released in 1998, it has sold over 2 million copies worldwide and has influenced many successful people, from Will Smith to Kanye West, Jay-Z and 50 Cent, who later co-wrote a New York Times’ bestseller with Greene.

    It is also the most highly requested book in U.S. prisons due to the synthesis of Machiavelli, Sun Tzu and other famous writers’ key prescriptions for effectively managing power struggles in difficult environments.

    Some of the 48 laws do seem contradictory, and others seem a little repetitive. Still, there are some truly great bits of advice for effectively managing situations where power may play a role. This might be a corporate environment, a difficult but smaller workplace, a large social group, to really anywhere where there is a power imbalance between people or a formal or informal hierarchy.

    Here are my 10 favourite laws, including a description of each law from the following website. The parts that I especially like are bolded. Enjoy!

    Law 4: Always Say Less than Necessary

    When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control… Powerful people impress by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

    Like the Danish proverb that says, “deep rivers move with silent majesty, shallow brooks are noisy”, law 4 reminds me only to say things that I believe will be of value. It also helps me stay within my circle of competence and not give advice on things that I do not know much about.

    Law 9: Win through your Actions, Never through Argument

    Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

    A parent who smokes but tells their children not to is unlikely to be successful at persuading their children because “actions speak louder than words”. The better option is not to smoke or quit if you want to set a good example. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “you must be the change you wish to see in the world”.

    Law 13: When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, Never to their Mercy or Gratitude

    If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasise it… He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.

    As sad as this may appear, most people are self-motivated and want to do the right thing if it makes them look good. For example, a hybrid car such as a Toyota Prius sells well because it is known as a hybrid car. It screams out, “I care about the environment,” in a way that the Toyota Camry Hybrid does not because the hybrid version of the Camry looks almost identical to the regular Camry. The 2014 sales in the US of each car highlights this point: Prius = 194,000; Toyota Camry Hybrid = 39,500; Toyota Camry (non-hybrid) = 428,600. Figure out how what you want will benefit the other person or help them look good before you ask for a favour, and you are much more likely to get them on board.

    Law 18: Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself — Isolation is Dangerous

    The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere — everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from — it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people, find allies, mingle.

    Many people that I see try to protect themselves at the cost of a real sense of connection and belonging with others. This law helps by reminding me of the dangers and costs of not opening up to honest people you can trust.

    Law 23:Concentrate Your Forces

    Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another — intensity defeats extensiveness every time.

    This reminds me of the saying, “jack of all trades; master of none”. If you want to make progress in anything, it is important to prioritise and put your energy into the activities and thought patterns that will give you the best results. Law 23 also helps me to build upon my strengths rather than worrying too much about my weaknesses.

    Law 25:Re-Create Yourself

    Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you.

    I often encourage my clients to clarify their most important values and see how these differ from what their family, friends, culture, or society may want. The idea of working hard and not enjoying life until retirement is not a role that I want to accept, even though this is considered normal in many respects by society. It’s much better to create and live a sustainable life for myself, whatever that may look like. Then it won’t matter if and when I retire, especially if I keep loving what I do for work.

    Law 28: Enter Action with Boldness

    If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honours the timid.

    Law 28 reminds me not to doubt myself once I have settled on a course of action and fully commit myself to it for a set period of time instead of remaining uncertain or indecisive. Once a decision is made, it is much better to give it 100% until the next decision needs to be made. Uncertainty only leads to more stress and anxiety and less satisfaction in the long run.

    Law 29: Plan All the Way to the End

    The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work… By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.

    This reminds me of the benefits of thinking into the future and clarifying how I would want my life to look. For example, if I had a 50th birthday and someone close to me stood up and spoke about the person I had been for the past 18 years, what would I want to hear them say? Based on my response to this, it is then important to see if my 1-, 5- or 10-year plan is helping me to head in that direction. If not, more planning and some big changes may be required, as long as my plans are flexible enough to change as I continue to grow with time.

    Law 35: Master the Art of Timing

    Never be in a hurry — hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always (be) patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.

    Patience is a massively underrated value, especially in today’s society. How often do you see people multitasking or telling you how busy they are? I know I sometimes do. But slowing things down and really making sure that my attention is 100% on what is most important in any given moment is a great recipe for long-term happiness and well-being. While it is important to “strike while the iron is hot”, I think it is also important not to be too reactive and make sure that the decisions you make are really consistent with your values and long-term plans. Knowing how to say no to the wrong things in life is also a crucial element of success.

    Law 45: Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once

    Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it a gentle improvement on the past.

    Trying to change my eating habits has taught me this law better than anything else recently. As soon as I try to be too restrictive, I rebel against any prescriptions. Long-term sustainable changes are again much better than short-term dramatic changes. The 20-minute walk that you manage to do is better than the 10km run you do not, so start small and try to build up slowly. If you can do this, changes are much more likely to stick.

    If you want to see the remaining 38 laws, please click here or purchase the book. Some of the laws seem pretty ruthless, but pretending that they don’t exist in power dynamics is much more dangerous than learning how they work.

    I also recommend checking out my dealing with toxic people article for more information on successfully managing and surviving difficult interactions.

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • 10 Things You Need to Know About Adverse Childhood Experiences

    10 Things You Need to Know About Adverse Childhood Experiences

    1. There are 10 categories of experience that are considered to have adverse consequences on the later development of children

    These include:

    • Abuse:
    • Emotional
    • Physical
    • Sexual
    • Neglect:
    • Emotional
    • Physical
    • Household Dysfunction:
    • Domestic Violence
    • Substance Abuse
    • Mental Illness
    • Parental Separation/Divorce
    • Crime

    2. It is possible to determine your own Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) score

    The ACE score is a measure that has been designed to measure the cumulative nature of childhood distress.

    If you are interested in finding out your ACE score, please answer the following questionnaire from acestudy.org:

    While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life:

    1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…

    • Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or
    • Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 _____________

    2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…

    • Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or
    • Ever strike you that you had marks or were injured?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 _____________

    3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever…

    • Touch or fondle you, or have you sexually touch their body? or
    • Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 ____________

    4. Did you often or very often feel that…

    • No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or
    • Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 ___________

    5. Did you often or very often feel that…

    • You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or
    • Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 ___________

    6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 ___________

    7. Was your mother or stepmother:

    • Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or
    • Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or
    • Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 ___________

    8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?

    Yes? No? If yes, enter 1 ___________

    9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

    Yes? No? If yes enter 1 ___________

    10. Did a household member go to prison?

    Yes? No? If yes enter 1 __________

    Now add up your “Yes” answers: __________ This is your ACE Score.

    3. Adverse childhood experiences are common

    Of the 17,337 individuals surveyed, here is the prevalence of each possible adverse experience, from most to least, represented as a percentage:

    • Physical abuse towards the child — 28.3%
    • Substance abuse in the household — 26.9%
    • Parental separation/divorce — 23.3%
    • Sexual abuse toward the child — 20.7%
    • Mental Illness in the household — 19.4%
    • Emotional neglect towards the child — 14.8%
    • Domestic violence in the household — 12.7%
    • Emotional abuse towards the child — 10.6%
    • Physical neglect towards the child — 9.9%
    • Imprisoned household member — 4.7%

    This graph from acestoohigh.com presents these percentages visually:

    4. It is more common to have an adverse childhood experience than not to have any

    As shown in the graph from cdc.gov, 64% of the population surveyed experienced at least one adverse childhood experience(ACE), with the majority of those reporting at least one ACE reporting multiple ACEs.

    Beyond the ACEs study, at least one in four children will suffer from physical, emotional or sexual abuse at some point during their childhoods, with one-in-seven children experiencing abuse or neglect in the past 12 months (Finklehor, Turner, Shattuck & Hamby, 2015).

    5. Adverse childhood experiences are linked with a higher risk of many things in later life

    This includes:

    • Alcohol abuse and dependence
    • Early smoking initiation and current smoking status
    • Illicit drug use
    • IV drug abuse
    • Obesity
    • Suicide attempts
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Hyperactivity
    • Sleep Disturbances
    • Hallucinations
    • Eating disorders
    • Suicide attempts
    • Post-traumatic stress disorder
    • Conduct disorder
    • Teen or unintended pregnancies
    • Intimate partner violence
    • Improper brain development
    • Impaired learning ability and general cognitive difficulties
    • Attention and memory difficulties
    • Visual and/or motor impairment
    • Lower language development
    • Impaired social and emotional skills
    • Poorer quality of life

    Another long-term study indicated that approximately 80% of young adults who had previously been abused qualified for at least one psychiatric diagnosis at 21 (Silverman, Reinherz & Gianconia, 1996). Neglected or abused children are also 59% more likely to be arrested during childhood, 28% more likely to engage in criminal behaviour as adults, and 30% more likely to engage in violent crime as an adult (Widom & Maxfield, 2001).

    The graph below from vetoviolence.cdc.gov shows the increased risk of many conditions in individuals who have previously had adverse childhood experiences:

    As you can see, there is a higher risk of experiencing these difficulties for individuals with ACEs. However, the prevalence rate is NOT 100% for any of the factors. The importance of this should not be understated…

    Individuals who have had negative experiences during their childhood can still grow and flourish as adults and can also be more resilient due to learning how to overcome significant challenges when they are younger.

    A major longitudinal study even found that what goes right during childhood is often more important than what goes wrong. Having even one safe, stable and nurturing figure in a child’s life can reduce the later risk of psychological and physical health problems (Vaillant, 2015).

    6. Adverse childhood experiences are linked with a higher risk of later disease and early mortality

    This includes:

    • High Blood Pressure
    • High Cholesterol
    • Obesity
    • Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)
    • Ischemic Heart Disease (IHD)
    • Liver Disease
    • Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
    • Lung Cancer
    • Death Before Age 65

    As you can see in the table below from acestoohigh.com, individuals with an ACE score of 4 or more are at a significantly higher risk of developing later physical health conditions:

    Abuse and neglect during childhood can also negatively impact the ability of individuals to efficiently establish and maintain healthy romantic adult relationships (Colman & Widom, 2004). As relationship warmth and social connection are vital protective factors for long-term health and happiness, many of these more significant risks could at least be partially explained by the higher risk of interpersonal conflict, disconnection and isolation.

    7. The more adverse childhood experiences one has, the more significant likelihood they have of experiencing difficulties with their mental and physical health and overall well-being later in life

    A “dose-response reaction” exists with most risk factors and following conditions, in that the more adverse childhood experiences one has, the higher their risk is for adverse outcomes later in life, as shown in the above graphic from cdc.gov.

    8. It is possible to conceptualise how these adverse childhood experiences lead to an early death

    The ACE Pyramid from cdc.gov suggests that adverse childhood experiences contribute to premature death via four intermediate processes that develop in a sequential nature:

    9. Reducing adverse experiences of childhood will significantly improve public health and reduce the burden that these issues have on individuals and the society

    Childhood abuse and neglect are not just damaging to the individual. They also place a substantial financial strain on society, with an estimated total lifetime economic burden of approximately $124 billion (2010 dollars) in the US in 2008 (Fang, Brown, Florence & Mercy, 2012). This is similar to the financial burden of other public health issues, such as diabetes and stroke.

    The main reasons for the increased economic burden are lost productivity, followed by increased medical costs, special education, child welfare and criminal justice costs (Fang, Brown, Florence & Mercy, 2012).

    Even though it may be expensive to develop and implement programs that aim to prevent child neglect and abuse, the benefits of these programs, if valid, are very likely to outweigh the costs in the long run.

    10. We need to do something to address and lower the prevalence of ACEs in future generations

    Creating safe, stable and nurturing environments (SSNREs) is the key to positively impacting reducing ACEs from now on.

    The five best practices to do this is shown in the graph below:

    The US Centers For Disease Control (CDC) also suggests:

    • Greater treatment for mental illness and substance abuse
    • More high-quality child care, and
    • More financial support for low-income families.

    Conclusion

    Please help to get this information out there to as many people as possible. Also, if you found something of value in this article, please share it or pass it onto whoever else may benefit too!

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist

  • Are You Asking the Right Questions In Your Search For a Therapist?

    Are You Asking the Right Questions In Your Search For a Therapist?

    If you were searching the web as a consumer, looking for the best Psychologist, would you know what to search for?

    If you said that you would look for someone experienced, it is a good guess, but years of experience don’t seem to make too much of a difference in improving therapeutic outcomes (Minami et al., 2009).

    What may be necessary is that they are a Psychologist and not a Counsellor. In Australia, anyone can call themselves a Counsellor and open up a practice, even without training. However, if they are a Psychologist, they have to have completed at least four years of undergraduate training, plus a post-graduate degree or at least two years of formal supervision. Psychologists are also obliged to abide by the Australian Psychological Society’s (APS) code of ethics, whereas Counsellors are not.

    If you said the company they worked for or how much they charged, these are both good guesses. However, private practice Psychologists are self-employed and set their price for their service, or a company employs and sets their price for them. Therefore, it is unlikely that all Psychologists within the same practice are equally effective, even if they are charging the same amount.

    The current recommended rate for a 45–60 minute Psychological consultation in Australia is set at $238.00 by the APS, but all Psychologists have the discretion to vary this fee. For example, services in more affluent locations often charge more, whereas services in poorer areas often charge less.

    More expensive Psychologists may believe themselves to be better Psychologists too, but this doesn’t mean that they are. The self-evaluations of therapists are often not very accurate, with a largely positive bias suggesting overconfidence in their general abilities. In a 2012 study by Walfish, McAllister, O’Donnell, and Lambert (2012), they found that out of the 129 therapists surveyed, 25% estimated that their therapy results were in the top 10% compared to the other therapists. Not a single therapist believed that they were worse than the average. If this sample represents the general population, this means that at least 50% of Psychologists don’t realise how bad they are and may therefore not be aware of what they are doing wrong and what they need to do to improve.

    What is known is that some Psychologist’s do consistently outperform other Psychologists (Wampold & Brown, 2005). In a 2015 study by Brown, Simon and Minami (2015), they looked at 2,820 therapists, with a combined sample size of 162,168 cases. The researchers found that the lowest-performing therapists required three times more sessions to produce successful outcomes than the average therapist. They also needed as much as seven times the number of sessions as the highest-performing therapists. So choosing the right Psychologist is a crucial task. But,

    What characteristics do the best Psychologist’s have, and what do they do that makes them so successful?

    1. They practice a specific model of treatment that is most recommended for your condition or is a good fit for the type of therapy you are interested in

    (Model of Treatment = 15% of overall outcome variance)

    There are many different schools of Psychotherapy, such as CBT, ACT, DBT, Positive Psychology or Psychodynamic Psychotherapy. They will all have research supporting their treatments as effective, especially with specific conditions (such as DBT for Borderline Personality Disorder or CBT for Panic Disorder).

    What they won’t often advertise is that no matter what school of therapy it is:

    • None of them will help every client
    • The drop out rates can be pretty high
    • Clients who do drop out prematurely tend to fare worse than clients who can complete treatment, and
    • Other psychotherapy schools tend to produce similar results.

    So yes, therapy helps, sometimes, and for some people. However, it is perplexing to think how the research findings are all so similar in the different schools of psychotherapy (Wampold, 2001) until it is made clear that non-specific treatment factors are shared across the various schools of psychotherapy. These non-specific factors are described below and together contribute 85% of the overall outcome variance in psychotherapeutic studies (Hubble and Miller, 2004).

    Whilst one mode of therapy may not generally be more effective than another, the goodness of fit does seem to be necessary. So try to choose a Psychologist who has experience in treating your particular concern, as well as an approach or therapy model that seems to make sense or appeal to you.

    2. They help you to hope, expect and believe that you can improve

    (Expectancy of Treatment Effects = 15% of overall outcome variance)

    An individuals’ belief that they can improve has a powerful impact on their actual improvement (Bergsma, 2008). More considerable reductions in symptom severity occur post-treatment in those with higher expectations of benefit at pre-treatment (Ogles, Lambert, & Craig, 1991; Rutherford, Sneed, Devanand, Eisenstadt, & Roose, 2010).

    Greater expectations can improve hope and increase goal-directed determination, which has been shown to predict treatment completion (Geraghty, Wood, & Hyland, 2010).

    Greater expectations of treatment outcomes can also improve distress tolerance. These skills can reduce distress and depression severity across treatment (Williams, Thompson, & Andrews, 2013).

    Essentially, the more you expect that a Psychologist can help you, the more likely it is that you will have hope, persist with treatment, and get better.

    3. They develop a warm, caring and trustworthy environment where you feel safe to explore and grow

    (Therapeutic Alliance = 30% of overall outcome variance)

    Another critical issue influencing treatment outcomes is adherence to the treatment interventions, recommendations and strategies. A positive therapeutic alliance can improve compliance with treatment recommendations, which plays a vital role in the overall success of a psychotherapy treatment (Wampold, 2001).

    A positive therapeutic alliance improves outcomes by providing professional input and ensuring effective implementation of the strategies. In addition, if a therapeutic alliance can be established, developed and maintained (Cahill et al., 2008), patients are less likely to drop out of treatment and more likely to achieve clinically significant improvements (Miller, Hubble, & Duncan, 2008).

    Regardless of the theoretical orientation or the therapist’s experience, the best outcomes happen when therapists are flexible to the needs of the patient and responsive to the feedback that patients provide. They also repair any ruptures in the therapeutic alliance as quickly as possible (Cahill et al., 2008; Miller et al., 2008).

    Other research suggests that it is crucial to meet relatedness needs, dependent upon the therapist displaying warmth and genuine involvement in the treatment. As a result, the client feels a sense of caring and connection in the relationship (Ryan & Deci, 2008).

    Essentially, the more you can relate to the Psychologist and feel that you are allies working towards a common objective, the more likely you are to improve.

    4. They make sure that therapy is the right step for you at the moment and help you to develop the skills, knowledge and motivation needed to improve successfully

    (Client’s Life-Circumstances, Personal Resources and Readiness to Change = 40% of outcome variance)

    The client is the most significant factor in determining whether or not treatment will be successful, which may be surprising to some people. However, suppose their current life circumstances are unstable, unpredictable, and emotionally or physically unsafe. In that case, it will be difficult for the one hour of therapy every week or two to be sufficient to overcome all of the adverse events that are taking place between sessions.

    Not everyone is a good candidate for therapy, and therapy isn’t everybody’s cup of tea. For example, suppose a client prefers not to question things, has significant cognitive disabilities or memory difficulties, is currently manic or severely delusional or psychotic, or is too emotionally labile or reactive in close interpersonal settings. In that case, therapy can have no effect or be potentially harmful.

    Lastly, if a client does not believe that they have a problem, then there is not too much that can be done by a Psychologist to help them, even if their family or friends or partner or the legal system believes that a problem exists. Unless the client can create intrinsic motivation for change, positive change is unlikely to occur.

    Before seeing a Psychologist, you need to be sure that:

    • You want to change or improve something about yourself
    • You are willing to put in the time and effort that it requires
    • You are eager to explore things to develop and grow, and
    • Now is a good time for you to begin the amount of treatment (both frequency and duration) recommended for you.

    If you follow these recommendations when seeking out a Psychologist, it will not guarantee a successful outcome, but it will help. I wish you the best of luck with your search and therapeutic experience!

    Dr Damon Ashworth

    Clinical Psychologist